Is it normal to feel this exhausted by a 3.5 year old?

[Feelingoptimistic]

Right, I feel like I am going a bit mad...

I have a nearly 3.5 year old DD. I love her to bits and she is a really very good most of the time. But she has always been a very active child, and one of those children that needs lots of attention. Lately I had been thinking what a joy she is to be with, and how much easier it was now compared to when she was younger.

But tonight, after spending the whole of Friday and Saturday with her, I feel so exhausted. She is still so full on, and what really gets to me now is when I tell her to do something and she does not listen - and I know she is doing it on purpose to test me. When she does that I can actually feel that stress and anger flooding my body, and I am worried I am going to have a heart attack or a storke or something, it affects me so much !

It is normal for 3 years old to be trying to "test you"?

My DD is 3.10 and I've written / moaned on here a couple of times about her.

Someone coined the phrase 'the threenager' and I think it is so appropriate.

We have recently had a breakthrough (which is good because I was considering a breakout to somewhere far far away and importantly ON MY OWN!), when I thought about how I spoke to her. Basically I was always No, Dont' Stop, etc etc - v negative. I thought about how I would react if I was spoken to inthat way all the time and realised it would not be dissimilar to DD. So, I've been a lot politer, speaking to her as I would want to be spoken to (if someone shouted STOP at me all the time without explaining why or in a certain tone it would not get me to stop, but if someone said to me 'MyCat, if you jump on the sofa it'll break so could you stop' I would) etc etc and it has really really worked - which is great because bloody nothing else has!

I'm not saying she doesn't get told off and that the crap times have gone completely, but things have been much much calmer.

I think it's completely normal to be utterly exhausted if Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

DS is nearly 4 BTW

I'll try that, MyCat...I don't start off shouting, I start off pretty reasonable i think, but yes - by the end I'm usually bellowing

I am by no means good at it and do have a tendency to go into banshee mode but this has really worked for us (til the next phase turns up). Think all the time how you would like to be spoken to, then speak to DD like that.

3 is a lot bloody harder than 2 imo. I am just clinging to the faint hope that she is getting all her rebellion out now and that she will be a lovely, kind, considerate and above all well behaved teenager

I agree that shouting doesn't work but sometimes it can't be helped .

Ignoring is by far the best way if you have the time. DS refuses to get dressed and hides under the sofa. I just say fine and leave him there. He comes out soon enough. Last week he refused to put his trousers on (never likes trousers) so I told him it was fine, he could go shopping without them and put him in the car. He cried all the way to the shops because he thought he would have to go in without them.

I have also apologised to him for shouting and explained that sometimes I get angry or frightened. I really shouted at him yesterday when he hid and I couldn't find him (side door and gate open).

It was when I shouted and he responded 'don't you speak to me like that mummy' that I realised I might have to speak to him a little more politely

good old fashioned insolence - our dd (4.5) has just discovered it, and is dishing it out in spades!! Anyone else get the fingers in the ears?

Think we've got the handle on the 'doing naughty things' tip - she's never really been into that - its this being naughty by not responding that's so frustrating!! Its almost comical when you're hopping around them turning puce and sweating with the effort of not screaming at them and they're just happily bimbling around with their toys.

Am going to have to start withdrawing priviledges (she's such a geek though that its hard to work out what they'll be -"No trip to the library this week" doesn't seem to cut it somehow!!

OP, I went through a phase of having to take paracetamol everyday at about 5pm because I had given myself a bad head from all my banshee shouting and the enormous effort of trying not to throw DD (3) out of the window . She certainly knows how to push my buttons, and it seems like the calmer I remain, the more she plays up until eventually I actually believe that there is steam coming out of my ears. In the week DH quite often tells me to try and rise above it, but its a different matter by about saturday afternoon when he starts asking me where the painkillers are !!!!!!

Yesterday my darling 3 year old went to the loo. After a few minutes of calling and getting no response, when he hadn't returned I went upstairs to discover the bathroom locked. He did not respond to shouting or knocking.

After a few (very long) minutes of my panicked cries he finally unlocked the door and calmly said 'yes mummy, what do you want?'

grrrrrrrrrr

This thread has made me relax for the first time in about 2 weeks - my 2.9 year old has just started behaving like this, which I thought were a late attack of the terrible twos, but now I recognise all the symptoms you are all talking about. His language is very good, around a 4year old level, and he is now using it very well to put me and DH in our places. We've drummed manners into him since the very beginning but Please and Thankyou has totally disappeared - now it's just shouting: "GET MY MILK NOW" for example this morning.

I am pregnant, due in 3 months and I thought maybe this was having an effect, although we are trying to include him and he seems excited about the new baby coming. We still see glimmers of the old DS but more and more we're seeing Damien666!

Oh the threenager. I have one, 3.5 DS1. Knew that had to get a grip when he crept into bed one morning and said (paraphrase of sentence repeated to him ad nauseam) "I love you but I don't love your shouting". Ouch.
Irritating noises, tick; selective deafness, tick; studied insolence, tick; endless argument, tick; deliberate doing of opposite of whatever he's asked to do, tick.
He's also lovely, affectionate, adores his little sister, good at amusing himself.
Just need a large sticker on his forehead to remind me of these things when he's driving me mad.
I try and save shouting for when he's doing something dangerous, i try and apologise for shouting when that fails, I try lots of praise for positive things and most days we get through (and some days I need LOTS of chocolate!)

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