what are the "rules" on telling other peoples kids off???

[bananastew]

I've just spent the day with a very good friend and her dd, who has decided to start hitting people, especially ds. on a few occasions she really hurt him & he was not at all himself because of it. very clingy and wouldn't play.

my friend was good with telling her dd off & sending her to the naughty step but she carried on. she is almost 2 & i don't blame her or my friend as i don't think she could've dealt with it any differently.

I was just wondering what the "rules" are reguarding me telling her off. She did it a few times when my friend was out of the room.

When is it acceptable to tell other peoples children off and when is it unacceptable??

I'd probably tell her mother that it's happening when she's out of the room and ask her what she wants you to do if her LO does it again when she's not there.

Older kids - like the 8yr olds who come and play here unsupervised - I tick them off verbally if they need it, but that's all. If they're really naughty ... well I just don't ask them round to play again, simple as that!

Hmm I think a nearly 2 yo is probably not really going to 'get' being told off.

Distraction or removal is pretty much all you can do at that age.

3+ you can start telling them off imo, but in the proper way obv "that is unacceptable behaviour" etc. I told off a couple of my mate's kids at a play place last week for flinging bark at other kids. I think children pay far more attention to non-related grown up.

If mother present and active then butt out.

But at 2 distraction is surely better?

If any of my good friends were to tell DD off (shes 20 months) I would be comfotable with it. As long as they didnt scream and shout. A simple 'No you know you shouldnt hit people' then tell me when I get back would be OK with me. Weather DD would actually listen is another thing

There are no rules (as in most of life): you use your judgement in this instance.

Assuming it was my child on the receiving end, "Don't do that" (with a reason if appropriate) would be fine. Removing the offending object would also be fine. Making my child feel bad about it, or any physical force would not be fine.

I think you have to use your judgement. If your friend is out of the room then a gentle, remonstration (no, we don't hit), would seem like a good idea. Also you'd be surprised how well little ones react to being told off by someone who is not their parent - generally MUCH more responsive!! You'll find as they get older though that this sort of thing comes up more and more and I have to say that my policy is always to tell a child off (firmly, but not with any anger or vitriol), and I can tell you when you have just watched some feral little 4 yr old bite, punch or spit at your own (obviously perfect!) little darling, keeping the anger out can be hard!! All the nastiest things that I have witnessed have been at the play park or at indoor play areas (rather than children of friends) and I have not been above marching the offending child over to their parent / nanny for a proper ticking off!

its acceptalbe - its all in the way you do it

If their parent isn't there (or near enough to deal with a situation) then just treat the child as you would your own. If you wouldn't want the other parent seeing you treat their child as you'd treat your own, ponder your parenting style!