Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

5yr old ds almost runied hols!Advice needed please

34 replies

parker1313 · 30/08/2009 16:34

My ds has started to get very very frustrated when he really wants to do something but cant do it.
eg Wanted to boogie board in the sea but it was too cold.He pulled the most unusual tantram and would not go in or would not give up.We just didnt know how to deal with it.He became very rude and uncontrollable.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

parker1313 · 31/08/2009 14:15

We didnt force him at all he just wasnt making sense and we could not reason with him.
We WERE helping him.He kept saying help me when we tried to distact into doing something else!
We werent ignoring him when he kept saying "help me" !
That has angered me a bit.
We did help him completely.It was his pure frustration making him shout "help me"

OP posts:

Original poster

parker1313 · 31/08/2009 14:17

Thank you very much for all the advice this is just what I needed.Just to know that this is normal and I agree with the moving him away from thing thats winding him up.
This is actually what I did in the very end but maybe I should of done it a little sooner and yes ignored people staring.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 31/08/2009 18:57

Although it's hard, it's really only between you and your DS, even if he has a tantrum in public. Try to forget the beachfull/ shopfull/ restaurantfull of other people no matter how they stare. They will all recover.

colditz · 31/08/2009 19:08

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. This is standard operational procedure for 5 and 6 year olds, I suspect it was your reaction to this behavior that really nearly ruined your holiday, not the behavior itself.

missingthemountains · 31/08/2009 19:23

could i slightly hijack this thread as was about to post something very similar about my nearly-5yo DS. His behaviour has been absolutely appalling for the last few weeks - I have tried all the recommended parenting stuff - sticker charts, rewards, when I try and put him on the time out spot he refuses to go or immediately moves off it, if I try and make him sit there (with minimum force necessary) he then attacks me - hitting, biting, kicking, spitting,screaming, pinching. so i have ended up holding him face down on the floor again minimum force necessary til he calms down. but this can take ages and meanwhile I have a 15month old who is witnessing all this, starting to hit me occasionally and certainly getting distressed by the whole thing. if i try and put DS in a room he will wreck it. i have resorted to a smack a few times this week feel like i am doing a totally rubbish job and don't know what's happened to my lovely boy -where has he gone?? I am making sure i make the most of all his good behaviour and give him as much 1-2-1 calm time as i can (reading books together, building lego etc) but just don't know what to do next??

he starts school in 10 days and i am hoping this helps. he goes to nursery 3 days a week where he is really happy and they report that he is such a happy, eager, polite kid. (which just makes me feel more of a failure)

I have a couple of theories but don't know if they are correct? he has slight deafness and is being fitted for hearing aid so maybe some of this is frustration at not always hearing? does he need to get out and run off some more energy? should i get him some activity equipment for his birthday (pogo stick, slide etc) or will that make him more hyper? we have cut out all sweets and chocolates at the moment so i don't think it's that. please help.

missingthemountains · 31/08/2009 20:06

just to let you know am starting my own thread on this as am feeling v.glum and desperately need some help

LadyHooHa · 31/08/2009 20:09

Missingthemountains - all I can say is that I sympathise, and we don't have the excuse of slight deafness. DS is perfect at school, and can be utterly vile at home. Being active outside helps, though - he needs to walk at least four miles every day, preferably with other physical activity involved as well. It's horrendous, isn't it?

smee · 31/08/2009 20:56

Missing, if he's starting school in less than two weeks, could he be a bit scared maybe or nervous?

parker, I think holidays are worse. they need routine and the mad excitment of a beach can easily be too much for them. Not his fault then, nor your fault either. There's a massive difference between tantruming to get what he wants and being out of control. You'll know as he's your son which one it is. If it's out of control, then take him away from wherever, but don't lay into him. Then sit near calmly and when he's still give him a cuddle. Later on talk it through. See what he says about it. Even if he can't articulate what he was feeling I'd bet he hated being that way. Don't whatever you do make him feel lousy about himself. This isn't me being a soft liberal (well yes I am!), am not at all saying tell him it's okay, but if you clamp down on him he'll still explode, whereas if you help him to talk about it/ work it through he might start to be able to avoid it next time. Easier said than done, I know...

LadyoftheBathtub · 31/08/2009 22:17

Missing, have you tried "How to talk so kids will listen..." book here? I'm not one for following a rigid set of parenting rules at all but I found that book really useful for suggesting non-confrontational ways of raising topics and dealing with strops.

Flip

1 2