4yr old having HUGE tantrums whenever we leave anywhere... what to do?

[SuperBunny]

DS will be 4 in September. He's lovely, most of the time. But his tantrums whenever we leave anywhere are beginning to really piss me off. It doesn't matter where we go, how much warning he gets before we leave, how much I praise, encourage, cajole, bribe... nothing works. I'm at the stage of not wanting to take him anywhere ever again.

I have tried:

1. Warning him before we get anywhere that we will have to leave but we will be able to come back

2. Warning him 30 mins before we have to leave. Then with reminders every 10 mins til the last 5, 3, 2, etc.

3. Praising him when he does leave somewhere (which, today, led to a massive strop)

4. Not saying anything

I just don't know what to do. I felt like leaving him at the place today. I shouted and said mean things

Please help - I need some magical solution that will make days out, or playing at someone else's house enjoyable rather than something I dread. I love him but he's wearing me out!

If you find the answer, let me know. 4.5 yr old just the same, although noticing very slight improvements of late...

well a friend of mine whose kids are teenagers now said he never had problems getting his kids to leave. he used to say 'it's time to go now. i'm leaving.' and walk off. AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

how i'd apply it to your situation i don't know. perhaps if you could hide where you could see him but he couldn't see you and then when you think he's freaked out enough you go and fetch him.

but really, that sounds like rather crap advice!

well a friend of mine whose kids are teenagers now said he never had problems getting his kids to leave. he used to say 'it's time to go now. i'm leaving.' and walk off. AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

how i'd apply it to your situation i don't know. perhaps if you could hide where you could see him but he couldn't see you and then when you think he's freaked out enough you go and fetch him.

but really, that sounds like rather crap advice!

No magic solution then?

I have tried walking off and hiding but he just stays wherever he was and screams, "MUMMMYYYYYYY, I'm NOT coming"

At least I am not alone!

no, you're definitely not alone!

Pick him up and walk out of the place with him. Let him strop/tantrum outside while you stand, calmly, and wait for him to finish. Then put him in the car, say 'that was a bit silly, shall we go home now, what shall we do when we get home? Shall we read your fireman book...' etc. Reacting or cajoling just worsened the situation when didn't want to leave.

..when MINE didn't want to leave.

This approach requires you to have your bag, his shoes, coat, any other DC's etc all ready to go, immediately.

A friend's son who came today had a bit of a strop when leaving - she just kept calmly agreeing with him that 'yes, it is sad we have to leave, yes, I can see you are very sad about this' but at the same time, putting his coat, putting his wellies out etc. It kind of didn't really give him anywhere to go with the tantrum, iyswim, so although he kept moaning, he also just went along with putting his stuff on and eventually getting out the door. It was quite impressive.

oh yes, this is my DD at the mo. Same age, same problem. I've walked off and left her saying "I'm going home now" in the hope she'll follow, but she is as stubborn as a mule and will sit herself down in the middle of street/park etc and WILL stay there. I've hidden myself out of the way watching her and she would still be there a week later if I hadn;t physically gone and moved her!
Sorry this is no help, just sympathise with you!

I think the problem is that it happens so often that I have no patience and can't think of sensible responses. Suggestions on here are good, thanks. Will def try carrying him away and letting his strop outside or just agreeing with him whilst making him leave. Something HAS to work!

have you tried thinking of something that he will want to go after you leave ie. go home and watch a tv programme, have a piece of cake, go to see someone etc. My ds isn't too bad with this most of the time but I do tend to keep something up my sleeve as a way of softening the issue when the advance warnings etc fail!

Yes, tried that, thanks. He doesn't care - he can only think about having to leave somewhere when he doesn't want to.

My little neighbor used to do this all the time, to the point where her mum either didn't let her come over to play with my DD because it was such a hassle to get her home, or she would be on the verge of tears trying to get DC out of my house and home to hers. Friend and her DH started doing a 123 magic type of discipline method and constantly warning of consequences for this and other unacceptable behaviour, and it started having an effect. The DC used to do the same at other friends' houses, the zoo, etc. They tried bribery, distraction, the prospect of having somewhere else to go that was equally appealing or urgent. In the end it was a matter of bad consequences and enforcing them every time. The here and now was all this DC could think about, and it took a lot of work to get her to remember there would be repercussions.