DD1 21m has hit the terrible 2's early, could do with a bit of advice on how to handle her please.

[insertwittynicknameHERE]

The whining and repeating of the same words over and over again I can deal with (just turn my hearing aids off )

Now DD1 has started to shout at DH and I, telling us 'NO' when we tell her not to do something (we even get finger wagging from her lol) She has started screaming and throwing herself down having a tantrum.

We know it is normal behavior from her, but what we don't know is how to handle it so that we are dealing with it properly IYSWIM. We don't want to handle id wrong and make things worse.

I was wondering if she is too young for us to introduce a naughty step/spot or if there is anything else we can in these situations.

Also I don't know if it is relevant but I gave birth to DD2 3 weeks ago and was wondering if her behavior could be in part due to this. TBH it does seem to co-incide with DD2's birth. DD1 is very loving and gentle towards DD2 so we have no worries on that front, we just don't want to make things any worse by not reacting to her bad behavior in the right was IYSWIM.

Please excuse my typos etc, BFing and typing one handed lol.

Will lurk as my one of my 18 month-old DD is a tantrum queen and both DDs have discovered 'NO!' unfortunately. No new baby to excuse this either (heaven forbid!) Any tantrum related advice will be very welcome!

My instincts in your situation would be not to introduce anything else that is new for your DD as she has had the upheaval of the new baby to deal with. It is fantastic that she is gentle with her new sister and I would praise her and involve her lots in that.

Re. the tantrums, I try to stay as calm as possible and have as neutral a reaction as I can. I love the switching the hearing aid off method - sounds perfect I have managed to avert a few tantrums when out and about recently by saying in a lovely calm mummy voice 'Oh I would't have a tantrum on that floor DD as it is very hard but go ahead if you want to...' Bizarrely this has seemed to work although I have less success at home.

Today she had a full on tantrum for about an hour - she started in her pushchair when we were out on a walk as she hates being strapped in, continued all the way home and then crawled round the house on her knees for another half hour screaming and flinging herself about. Tis fun! (gritted teeth emoticon)

Oh and I forgot to mention that she regularly tries to hit/pinch DH and myself (no one else), we tell her no and move her away from us when she does that but then she starts to hit/pinch herself. We have to hold her arms down to stop her from hurting herself.

We try not to shout (although it is hard not to when she is hitting herself) and we try to be consistent and on the same page as each other re any discipline etc.

She gets lot's of one on one time with each of us (despite us having a newborn also) She also gets time with the GP's etc

twinmam, I feel your pain, I hate seeing DD tantruming. Although DD has never (yet!) had a tantrum when we are out, she loves being out of the house (and is usually good as gold when we are out) which is the reason why I am out most of the time with her lol.

I just have a horrible feeling that we are making things worse by not reacting her her right IYSWIM.

Have just posted on another thread about my DD hitting (the same one who has mega-tantrums) She also pinches her twin sister and pulls her hair although I think the hair pulling is more in admiration

I think you are handling it well with the not shouting and calmly but firmly telling her no or 'no hitting' etc.

Not much help but it is just a phase, I'm sure.

Oh I definitely know what you mean. It's that helpless 'What the hell do I do now' thing. I reckon your low-key reactions along with the firm repetitions are just right for this age. Honestly, I'm sure you're doing all the right things and that she really will grow out of it as will my little madam(hopeful emoticon)

Have taken to describing my DD as 'passionate' Sometimes she reminds me of a premiership footballer when she flings herself to the floor over some imagined slight...

lol twinmam, I love the passionate description I think I will be borrowing pinching that description for DD

You have hit the nail on the head it is the 'what the hell do I do now' feeling that I seem to get all the time.

I think they might just grow out of it in time for the teenage years lol......

I think it does sound like you have put your finger on it when you say that it coincides with the arrival of a sibling. I guess I am just trying to see it from her point of view.

Any help?
leaflet about arrival of a new sibling

(they do another one on tantrums as well)