Suggestions of 'disciplin' of 2 year olds.... [HELP I:M GOING NUTS!!!]

[mumblecrumble]

Title sounds really harsh and old school and I'm sure there have been 80 miliion threads but I wanted the advice of you wise people...

Our very much loved dd is a week off 2. She's driving me nuts even though really she is such a fab kid.

I really want to be consitant, loving, firm and realistic in how I treat myh daughter re her behaviour.

I feel I need a structure, guidlines [not expecting magic solution!!!] to think about and follow as at the moment we feel a bit like we're guessing.

What I am finding most difficult is that the main advice my mum is giving is to lift her/carry her away from the 'trouble' but I'm phsyically diasble and can't carry her or even lift her anymore. I am trying to use my voice. DD seems to like running away and I'm finding myself in lots of pain which is possibly making me less patient.

I would appreciate your time to share positive and negative experiences and any tips.

thanks

mumblecrumble, DD2 is 2 next week. I have used the 'naughty' step for about 2 months now, and she responds quite well. I do think though that at this age a lot of it is heading off the behaviour before it starts.

And reins/wrist strap when out.

agree that a strap or reins will help

at this age you are not really disciplining, more like 'moulding' her behaviour - so things like

positive attention
ignoring 'bad' stuff where it is safe to do so
heaps of praise
distract
divert

I think that nearly 2 is a bit young for the naughty step

at home in your situation i'd think about how to use attention and withdrawal of attention e.g. which things you really need to have to react to or be physically responsive to. for some being told 'you're being really... silly/naughty/whatever it is now tell me when you're ready to stop/say sorry etc' and turning your back and walking away or just ignoring has a far more dramatic effect than any hauling them about does anyway.

i dunno - why don't you try giving some examples of behaviour and then people could try thinking up examples of how to deal with, try to approach those without having to be able to pick her up or get into a wrangling match or drive yourself nuts or otherwise use up too much valuable energy that it sounds like you could do with for your own health right now.

yy reins - I sometimes use the wrist strap attached to the reins so I have my hands free

this is really lazy of me and I am sorry
but I and lots of others have posted lots in the last couple of days on the How do I discipline a 20mo thread and it is heaving with good ideas.

I know my dd (also a week off 2, did I know you on the antenatal thread?) is too young to understand the naughty step but we do a lot of 'removal from trouble' without picking her up which I bang on about on that thread eg turning off tv and leaving living room if she fiddles with the buttons

At home I have been using the 'mummy will go away' now strategy with my 2 and a half year old ( a little older than yours I know)

Basically if she won't come to do mundane things, dressing, coats on, washing face etc I say ' fine mummy's going to go away now' and leave the room and sure enough she comes almost straigt away.

I use reins almost consistently when out and marvel at people who do not. DD walks well but given the chance would leg it off down the road.

In the library today I picked up the tips for toddler traming book and it goes on and on about how toddlers have
*Little or no common sense, So reasoning may not work with them
*The attention spans of fleas, so forget what you want them to do
*Want your attention all the time.

I forgot to say that I only use naughty step for pinching & biting - it's a phase, it's a phase, it's a phase....

Thanks folks. I think I am just quite tired and feeling abit 'I can;t do this!!!!' ish.

Had a good evening and have been trying to refresh the positivew attention and also 'picking my battles' so to speak. Also think she has been very tired this week..

I shall use our reins then. I worry that she will fall/run away and be squeezed by them...

Not keen on naughty step idea yet as I really don't think she would understand - like the idea of completly turning away...shall see how this goes. Also have ben giving [as I beleie we always have - but sometimes you need a refrrsher when you're tired!] lots of positive attention and letting her help more. She go very cross at me having to cook pasta before we ate it, melt lollies out of the moulds before we ate them..... but I just explained through her tears and then hope she will eventually understand.

Nursery said she had been hitting and kicking today. I was very sad and feel weird... shame? guilt? worry? Not sure...

Hubby reckons she gets a bit cranky* everytime she hits a developmental milstone.... When she walked she was cranky, when she said words she was cranky. This week she has started saying longer sentences so wondering if she's just cros at us for not understanding her!!!

However. She did a poo in the toilet this evening [her choice!] and as we sat looking at books and pushing the poo out I rememebered she's just growing up...

*for cranky read 'driving me mad till I wanted to through my head into a pillow'

mine is lawless.
it's less parenting than damage limitation.
it's just a phase-one that will be over soon.
If she's 'dangerous' then she's removed from iit/stopped and told in a stern voice.
If she's wailing i ignore.
if she's behaving like a banshee and fighting over the books/toys/whatever that goes onto a high shelf and she's removed from the play 'until she wants to join in and play nicely'
we also make a lot of how well she's behaving/what a good sharer she is/how nice it is to have friends to play with and share stuff with.
good luck!

mumblecrumble think you've answered your problem yourself,its soooooooo very hard and tirying looking after a toddler and sometimes you feel like you are fighting a losing battle, well you are lol.Its near enough impossible to reason with a 2yr old, yes give them structure and teach them the basics of right and wrong and really put your foot down if they do something really really bad.Your hubby is right about the milestones,imagine your little and learn to walk, yeah great your like the rest of family now!But then you realise you cant keep up with them all and they keep walking ahead of you(frustrated). Next you learn to talk which the whole family has been trying to get you to do from age 3month, then they dont understand a thing you say even though you do(frustrated).Its very hard for a 2yr old to express themselves and be heard, only way they know how is to be VERY VERY naughty and..... we love them for it

My ds1 turned 2 last week. I use the naughty step for hitting/pushing etc. Not sure if it works because he is still hitting and pushing, but find the removal from the room helps all of us iyswim.
Also when he throws his toys, I take whatever it is away for 15 mins and put it on the microwave. I show him where it is and tell him why it's there, it stays there for 15mins and if he throws it again after that, it goes back on microwave for rest of the day.
I don't use reins anymore (ued to) and if he goes to far, i tell him to stay closer or he will have to sit in pushchair like a baby. That normally brings him running back and I tell him he must stay where I can see him and if he runs off, he will go back in pushchair. I always follow through with everything I tell him.
IMO they know from very early on how to push mummy's buttons. They understand more than we give them credit for too, they just pretend not to when it suits them, or at least that's what I find with my ds1.

Mine are slightly older but I find that counting to 3 really helps. So for example "if you don't stop throwing that toy by the time I count to 3, I'll take it away", then count 1, 2, 3 to give them a chance to correct their behaviour and if they don't, then always carry out the discipline and take the toy away or whatever. Mine usually(ish) take notice.

mumblecrumble - bless you - how crappy to have to hear that from nursery - wonder what brought that on? maybe ask them what they think it's about and ask them how they handle it there? my son has one person at nursery he adores (she's the only one i really trust or like too) and i really ham up how ooh maybe you can do a poo on your potty for donna today! or oh donna was really pleased with you today, she said you were a really really good boy etc is there someone there who he clicks with and you can ham up their opinion on him a bit? try not to feel guilty, ashamed etc they must be used to it and there's going to be some kids who do that at nursery and go through those stages - what can you do?

really would try the turning away thing. i have health condition that means sometimes i am really really tired and i just need to keep things simple and do stuff the way it works for us to function. the turning away, after pointing out the behaviour that it is you don't want to be around is a real life saver i find - when i got into doing this instead of battling away over things i regained a hell of a lot of energy and with my son who was probably trying to get more attention out of his tired mummy it was far more effective. it also freed me up more energy to give in positive attention. it may be that she senses when you're tired and isn't savvy enough to go after your attention or respond to her i want more mummy in positive ways - walk away from bad, cuddle when she comes to find you in better state soon teaches.

sorry for long ramble - hope you feel better soon and find ways that work for you and her. don't feel bad about needing to work things out in ways that take care of your needs too - not saying you do but just in case and make sure you use some of that nursery time to rest up and take care of yourself.

Thanks folks!We are going to be trying the following:

Keeping really really calm

Turning round for little things

Removing as much as is possible for bigger things

Preserving sleep as much as possible,

[she was at my Mums yesterday and slept from8 in even till 9 in morning..... After 2 weeks of keeping us upoall ngiht...]