Am feeling really depressed about my almost 3 DS1. He can be lovely, but about 90% of his time is spent being contrary, deliberately obstructive (especially to DS2, who is nearly 1) or inconsolable for very little or no reason. Reverse psychology does sometimes work - "Don't want breakfast", "Okay, mummy will eat your breakfast", (almost hysterical) "Mummy not eat breakfast" at which point he eats it. Getting ready to do anything takes forever because, even when he wants to go somewhere,he doesn't seem to realise that getting his shoes on, getting into the car seat, etc. will get him there - then when I pick him up to put his shoes on or put him in his car seat he has a tantrum about how he wanted to do it himself. Finally, threats to sit him on the naughty step or send him to bed without a story just do not work - he gets really upset when I enforce the threat and says "I don't want to hit mummy" or whatever he has just already done to earn the punishment - but I know he'll do exactly the same thing again in the future. I try to make sure that I give DS1 plenty of attention, praise and cuddles when he is being good, but seem to spend most of my time chasing him or protecting DS2 from being pushed, kicked, having toys snatched away. DS1 is a bright little boy in other ways (very good at talking, really interested in letters and numbers) but doesn't seem to understand cause and effect.
I know they call it the terrible twos, but all my friends' children seem to behave better than DS1 and I have a very smug SIL whose 2 children seem to have understood cause and effect since about 18 months old.
I am wondering whether his behaviour will ever change, or whether it's because I am doing something really wrong. Any advice or experience gratefully received.