Anti social son

[maniclyndy]

Please can anyone offer me advise concerning my son who is 7 years old. He is very shy and quiet when around others and if we go to other childrens he mainly just sits and listens to the grown ups, this isn't so much the problem as when we have friends round to ours he gets himself wound up and he always ends up crying while the other kids play.He hates them moving his toys or playing with them and mostly they don't come back. I have tried everything,i think!!!
Can anyone offer advice as i am slowly losing what few friends i had!!

Is he an only child?

What's he like at school?

Have you ruled out the possibility of aspergers?

He is the youngest of three but his sister is 21 and his brother is 18 so it does sort of make him an only child

Ah.

I have an only child, at 7 he wasn't use to people coming into his house and playing with his things so he's become upset. He needed talking to about sharing. There are clubs (drama clubs) that are good at bringing shy children out of their shells, maybe this could be an option. I think if your son is surrounded by adults then he's finding it difficult to see the world through a child's eyes. There is a brilliant book that another MNter recommended to me over a year ago, it's called the Unwritten Rules of Friendship, you can get this from Amazon, have a look first. It should help, some children find social skills difficult and this helps them to see the way that they behave in a different way, there's a section on the shy child IIRC, it gives strategies that you and your son can use to make it all a little easier and can help him fit in a little more so he's unlikely to get upset.

Oh poor little lad, sounds like he hasn't learnt to play with others. I have a brother who never really did though my other brother was very socialble as a child so I can't blame our parents! Some kids are just "different" and the unspoken rules of play don't come naturally.
Have you any ideas why he struggles? Did he seem a bit different earlier in his childhood? Was he different from your older children?
If he turned out to have a little bit of Aspergers-type traits, the plus side is that you might well get some help such as special sessions where they teach him play skills. But there are lots of books out there also.

In truth I had very few play skills at 7 also and I can remember how scary other children seemed.

Thanks for the advice,i will definately try the book that was recommended. He has always been abit different since he was little but have had him assessed and nothing came of it.He very definately different to my other children and i think thats why i worry. School doesn't seem that worried even though he has found it difficult to talk to any teachers since hes been there!! he just smiles alot apparently!!! Thanks for the reassurance.

My son's an only child, he's been through this aswell and I can honestly say the book helped him emmensly. He used to sit and talk to the staff at his nursery rather then play, when he did play he'd play alongside other children, not with them. I didn't know how to help him until I found this site and was recommended the book.

my ds (5) struggles socially as well. his nursery teacher suggested speaking to my health visitor about it which I have just done recently. she has been really good, thought she might just dismiss it but she was excellent, asked lots of intelligent questions and went into nursery to observe him interact (or not!) with the other kids. she has now referred him to a child development specialist, not sure exactly what will happen next but I think further down the line he might be able to get some directed help with how to deal with social situations. I feel quite impressed because I think sometimes the impression you get is that its only the kids that are disrupting the class that get 'help' IYSWIM! might be worth speaking to your HV?

I know plenty of kids with siblings who are anti-social. It's just the personality. Not whether you have siblings or not.