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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Dummies - how to wean 2yo DS off?

18 replies

oysterpots · 27/07/2009 14:07

We call it his crack pipe, he's that addicted

DS turned 2 on Saturday and has had a dummy from when he was a few weeks old. We limit it to sleep times, but he seems to be going through a particularly attached phase at the moment where he asks for it whenever he wants comforting, feels a bit scared or worried, or even just spots a dummy or a baby with a dummy. If he doesn't get given one he puts his fingers in his mouth instead.

Wondering how to handle this - whether to go cold turkey or to try to wean him off gently, how to go about it?

Anyone got any tips for me? Wish we'd done it months ago when he was less bothered/aware

OP posts:

ahhhmen · 27/07/2009 15:41

I was the same with my ds also 2, tried to limit it to sleep times only but wasnt very strict with this and he asked for it more and more and I gave in too easily. So I decided enough was enough, my ds dummy now lives in a bus (metal piggy bank) at the side of his bed and he puely only has it for sleep time, I simply explained to him 1 morning that the dummy was very tired after being sucked all night and now needs to sleep whilst hes awake.

The 1st day was hell to be honest he asked for it constantly, so just make sure you do something which will keep his mind off it, but since then he voluntarily puts his dummy in the bus every morning without even being asked.

This may not be the best tactic to take because I really dont no when or how I'm going to stop him having it to sleep with, but my main concern was it effecting his speech and the fact he looked stupid with a dummy at his age, so both of these concerns have been remedied.

dubbletrubble · 27/07/2009 16:33

I did the cold turkey with my eldest when he was 22 months. It is hell for the first 5 days, but after that - but then it was as if he never had one. I was determined not to do the 'bed/nap time only' as we had been doing that for months anyway. I know of people who still have kids on dummies for night time and they are going to school. For me, it was all or nothing and bad as it might be at first, once they are used to it - they will never look back.

I never gave a dummy to my younger two as I didnt want to go through the process of weaning them off it.

krugerparkrules · 27/07/2009 16:48

hi oysterpots - i went cold turkey with my dd (2.2) about 3 weeks ago - i just did it one night, and thought to myself lets see how bad this can get! There was a bit of wailing and calling for it, and it took me awhile to settle her (think to a bad teething type of night) I just kept telling her that she was a big girl now ... i also let her choose something she wanted - i am not sure she really got this whole transaction, but was quite excited at one point to be able to ask for a chocolate egg and an umbrella! After that it just got easier, i got nice snacks for when i was out in the puschair with her (she used it for sleeps and in pushchair mainly) which kept her amused, and i figured it was easier to replace nice treats with healthier treats in a weeks time .... after about 2 days the pain certainly went in her wanting it, she asked for it less, and also with no emotion to the asking or crying for it ... it was SO MUCH EASIER THAN I THOUGHT IT COULD BE ... and it is worth just doing it ...such a relief not to have to look for the thing in the middle of the night, have one with you in case needed etc etc ... it really is do-able, i thought i would never do it, but i jsut couldnt face waiting till she was about 3 and i could reason with her ...
i agree with dubbletrubble i also just went the whole hog, and got her to give it up totally so that there was no leeway for it creeping back into daily life, e.g. when ill etc
good luck, it really is "easier" than you think, probably have two restless nights, and it just gets easier and easier ... i found that after i had got over the first evening i was also resolved to carry it through ....

Original poster

oysterpots · 27/07/2009 16:48

Did you just take it away, without mentioning it, dubble? Or did you explain things to your DS?

OP posts:

Original poster

oysterpots · 27/07/2009 16:50

Thanks kruger, x post!

So did you just bin the dummies? How did you settle your DD at night? Any symbolic burning/throwing dummies into river??

OP posts:

moondog · 27/07/2009 16:50

Why put him and you through the stress?It does no harm. Let him carry on.

fruitful · 27/07/2009 16:59

Which country is it where they have a "dummy tree" at the preschool? Denmark or Finland? I remember reading about it on here. The kids all have dummies, and then when they go to preschool, aged about 4, they all go and tie their dummy to the tree with a ribbon and that is that. But they are quite old when they do it.

krugerparkrules · 27/07/2009 17:00

haha no i kept them for 4 days just in case!!!! But yes then binned them, if she was older i would have done something symbolic, but i wasnt sure she would get that, so just binned them
she did find a friends dummy the other day, popped it in her mouth, i said to her "X you're a big girl now, you dont have dummies", and she gave it bck to me!!! We also ended up in john lewis 3 days into no dummies, and she found the rack of them!!! She took a pack down, i told her that she didnt have them anymore, and after about 5 mnutes she put it back!!! So they do seem to be able to quicly get it. I really dont think it was too stressful for her, just hard to settle on the first night, as one of her mechanisms for falling asleep was gone! Like when they try to fall asleep with a blocked nose .... i am really pleased we did it and am sure you will be fine! I guess if i had thought she was really stressed, was really not coping, and had really really cried for it, then i would have caved in! But she wasnt that fussed to be hones

Karam · 27/07/2009 20:11

Could you try lots of subtle manipulation? DD (2.8) was truly addicted to her dummy, but we wanted to wait until she was old enough to give it up herself (and she only ever had it night times from way before she turned two). But, we used to say lots about how dummies were for babies, and when she became a big girl she wouldn't have it any more... those sort of comments, then one day (about a month ago), she went to bed, declared that she was now a big girl and that she didn't want it anymore. She has only asked for it once since, and a gentle reminder that we thought she was now a big girl and not a baby anymore meant that she decided she no longer wanted it.

We did the same with DD1, and she gave up the dummy entirely by her own decision .

Both neither time has been a problem, because on both occasions the girls thought it was their decision to give up the dummy, so we have never had any tears over it - even though DD2 in particular was quite addicted to it!

thisisyesterday · 27/07/2009 20:19

agree wuth moondog.

it gives him comfort, and he will grow ot of needing it one day.
ds1 gave his up by himself at around 3ish.

i feel, and this is just my personal thoughts on it, that a dummy is a basically a breast substitute. as a breastfeeding mum i feed on demand, regardless of whether it's for nourishment or comfort, and i think the same applies to dummy usage.
if i had been breastfeeding ds1 i would have let him wean naturally, so the substitute he had for feeding was the same
does that make sense???

don't underestimate the amount of comfort and security a child gets from a dummy or any other comforter, it's a big thing for them. i def wouldn't go cold turkey

Original poster

oysterpots · 28/07/2009 09:56

Thanks for all your advice, particularly thisisyesterday and moondog for your counter-arguments!

My DS has a very muddled selection of childcare, with something different every day. I sometimes think that makes him a bit confused and might mean he seeks the reassuring comfort of his dummy a bit more than he might otherwise - I suppose it's a constant throughout the week.

I will try your idea, ahhhmen, of putting the dummy to bed every morning and hope that DS realises he won't have it in the day. And will also start making mention of dummies being for babies etc, a la Karam, and see whether the power of suggestion works for him

Thanks all! I really appreciate your help.

OP posts:

Treeesa · 29/07/2009 18:04

Bit late on this one as i'm on holiday (a very damp and rainy Exmouth in devon) but the youngest of our three was the only one who had a dummy and he was very hooked on it...

We made it symbolic and told him when he started play school for a couple of mornings a week that as he was a big boy now that we would plant it in the garden to grow a dummy tree. We did this with great ceremony although he did still mention the tree and whether it was going to produce fruit for at least 6 months after this... I think my husband planted a small shrub of some description to make it look like something had sprung up..

It worked though - cold turkey was definitely the best as we had tried weaning him off for a long time..

dezzer · 01/08/2009 05:48

My little one used to try and squeeze two dummies in at the same time - it was getting ridiculous. Then a friend suggested cutting the dummy down the middle - so it's in one piece but has a cut in it. Basically you give them the dummy and they don't like it - it's weird for them. My son threw it away after 10mins and stopped asking for it after 1 morning, I couldn't believe it. It stops the anxiety from you not giving it to them also - they just begin to realise the dummies not so lovely after all.

littleboyblue · 01/08/2009 07:12

My ds1 will be 2 next week. Since he was about 14 months I have limited his dummy to sleep times only, but recently he has also become quite attached to it and asks for it all through the day. I think this may have something to do with his little brother (6 months) having a dummy

I would like to get my ds1 off his dummy, but tbh, the way I see it at the moment, is that he needs it or at least thinks he needs it, so I am not ready to take it away just yet.
When he gets up, I wash the dummy and put it in the cupboard, but if he asks for it then he gets it.

nannyL · 01/08/2009 10:06

cut a tiny bit off the end one day
another mm off the next etc.. until there is nothing left to suck.

but before you get to the end they will realise they dont like it anymore and give up anyway

PatTheHammer · 01/08/2009 10:14

We used the 'dummy fairy' with DD (2.3 at the time). Took 6 nights to get rid of each Dummy and cost 50p a throw. Told her it was the tooth fairy's cousin and watched several times the episode of Peppa pig where the tooth fairy leaves a 'shiny coin'.

Tip: we left dummy on the shelf rather than under pillow as too tempting there!

Worked a treat and totally and utterly pain-free (except 3quid out of pocket )

David1447 · 10/04/2012 14:40

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Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mommabee · 10/04/2012 16:43

I did 'Super Nanny's' Dummy Fairy technique with my DS when he turned 2 and it worked out great. I explained that he was too old for a dummy and that we had to collect them all up and leave them for the dummy fairy when he went to sleep and the fariry would come in the night and take all the dummy's to the babies who didn't have any. And in return the Fairy would leave a present for him.
We collected them all up in a sparkly present bag and I hooked them on the handle of his door then while he was asleep I threw them all in the outside bin (to stop me giving in if any tantrums followed) and in the bag I left a colouring book some crayons and a milky bar. It was brilliant Ds loved the pressies the next day, was really excited the fairy had been! and although he did ask once or twice for a dummy in the following few days I just reminded him that the dummy fairy had taken them all. And that was that no more dummy's went really well :0

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