DD underweight - Please, what can I do?

[happydaffy]

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Hi there sorry that you and your DD are having a rough time. That's good you've been to the GP that's the first step. My sister who was 13 at the time had this problem as well when she got her tonsils out she lost lots of weight and liked how she looked but decided to take it further by not eating and when she was eating she was making herslef sick. My mum took her to the docs who referred her to a physologist because seemingly these things can be emotional and they worked on her feelings by herself and with my parents. Keery had low self esteem. Encourage your DD to eat and it doesn't need to be healthy the doc said that too much is made of eating healthy and teenagers should be allowed to be teenagers. Get her favourite foods (which I'm sure you're doing). I would also try to speak to her dad she is a teenager and it's a really difficult time for them especially nowadays can he maybe ease off her a bit? reward her for eating. If things don't improve poush for a referral. Just remember that you're getting help know. My sister's nearly 15 now she still has bad days were she doesn't want to eat but on the whole she's a lot better. Good luck and keep me posted. Hugs Karen x

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Eating disorders are all about control, so if she feels like her Dad thinks she's 'not good enough' by being very critical or overwhelming in the way he talks, this could tip her over the edge from being faddy to developing a real problem, so beware of this. Also, she might be feeling really weird about turning from a girl to a woman and might be perceiving her Dad's attitude as him not liking her becoming a woman, so she wants to stay like a little girl (ie thin). If his way of expressing himself really upsets her, she might want to be invisible (again, ie thin).

You need to talk to DH about his attitude - if he refuses to see the importance of his involvement in the issue and thinks it is important to 'get his point across' as you say, ask him if he'd rather be in the right but have an ill daughter or is her health and wellbeing the most important thing, in which case, could he try a new approach.

always bear in mind some illnesses cause weight loss and loss of appetite~
my dd developed crohns disease at this age
also diabetes causes weight loss

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If she has a lot of sore throats due to a lot of mucus, she might have an allergy or intolerance. Allergies/intolerances can make some people lose weight but also they can put you off eating because you know that you'll feel a bit grotty after you do. I have allergies, so the thing about mucus build-up made me prick my ears up.

Good idea to talk to DH and a Dr.

my SD is 8 and is very thin, to the point where you can count every vertebra, and her bum bones stick into you when she sits on your lap. She has none of the puppy chubby cheeks that her friends do, but the sucked-in-cheek look of an adult.

She has a traumatic relationship with her mother (who she sees once a fortnight in a contact centre) and she has developed many, many controlling behaviours, one of which is food. She changes what she likes/dislikes on almost a daily basis, will say she's not hungry and has tummy ache at mealtimes, then be demanding snacks 15 mins later. Also, worryingly, she says she likes being thin.

My tactic is : I no longer force her to eat anything or make an issue of it or give it any attention at all, but I make it quite clear that there is nothing else to eat apart from a piece of fruit until the next meal, she can take it or leave it, it's up to her....

I am very worried she might become anorexic when she hits teenage years....

Happydaffy
My sister has got a really good relationship with my mum but a bit strained with my dad not bad but she's just very sensitive and was/is very emotionally imature for her age. The psycologist was great and worked with Kerrie individually and then with Kerrie and my parents. I think it helped my mum and dad alot as well cause they could see where they were going wrong and learn how to deal with it as my m um was wanting to protect her and wrap her up in cotton wool but the doc was very matter of facta and gave told her if she kept going the way she was she would do herself serious damage. I really hope everything goes well good luck.

Mrshibbins
What a shame for your DD my heart goes out to you both. I would really get to your GP ASAP. I wouldn't let it go on any longer incase it spirals out of control. Good luck Karen x

Between the age of 2 - 11 years I didn't enjoy eating and was naturally thin. I started to enjoy food at 11, but realised I could 'turn-off' my appetite easily by gradually eating less, this was only a problem for a short while when I was a teenager. I found this easier to do if offered foods that I considered 'bland' by my Mum. While I would always say healthy food is best, if you think your child has reduced their appetite I would suggest giving them some sugar (e.g. variety of sweet cereals and/or porridge/pancakes/toast with syrup), and ensure they don't have sweetners (including drinks, mints and gum), as these can cause fast digestive transit. Once an appetite is rebuilt, and your child is hungry then offer the healthy meals. Controversial I know - but may be worth considering if low appetite a problem.

I'm really sorry for you all.

From personal experience, I couldn't eat when I was upset, anxious or sad, still can't as an adult. I barely ate after my dad died for about two weeks. My stomach was rumbling but I just couldn't eat, beyond cereal, milk etc. Anxiety and depression can cause sleep disturbance.

My friend told me about the daughter of her childminder having trouble eating, and they used to let her eat in front of the TV. It seems she could eat more while she wasn't entirely concentrating on the food, and it's quite widely accepted that people eat more this way.

If the relationship with her dad causes food refusal, it might be better in the short term if she eats separately from him, because any hint of discord or potential for a row is really counter-productive.

Get DD checked out at the GP, for intolerances/illness, and emotionally for anxiety/depression. It's possible that her dad has issues too - some just can't cope with their little girl growing up and becoming more independent, and feel they have to enforce their authority, including winning every argument.

I hope you can sort this out.

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Maybe a break will do everyone the world of good. I really do feel bad for you I know how my mum was when my sis was going through it my mum could hardly eat with the worry of it all. On the up side at least she's able to talk to you and she knows that she has issues with food it's a much bigger problem when they don't admit they have a problem it makes the road to recovery easier. i would encourage her to talk to you how she's feeling. Another good exercise the pycologist had Kerrie do was to write a letter describing how she felt and to give that feeling a name eg she calls it the bleep and wrote about how it wasn't going to ruin her life and she hated the way that it made her feel etc. Big hugs K x