Should I discourage this behaviour?

[LadyP]

DS is nearly 21 months. He has always preferred men and will go up to complete strangers in the park or soft-play areas and put up his arms for them to pick him up. Most of them do, in full view of myself, and nothing untoward has happened.

However, I was wondering if this was just a faze or whether he will contnue to do this throughout his childhood.

Should I try to put a stop to this now or when he is a bit older?

I am not worried about the men as I am standing close by and can see everything and also I don't want to steam in there, insinuating that they are doing/will do something to my son.
On the other hand, I don't want him to continue this kind of familiarity for an indefinate length of time as statisticially he could come across someone perverse eventually.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks

BTW, not saying that only men are paedophiles, but DS never behaves in the same way with women.

I dont think your DS is old enough to understand that he shouldn't do it.

I guess you should just watch him (obviously!!) and maybe go up to the chosen man and apologise, taking DS back. If you make it so you're apologising for your son having bothered them then there shouldn't be a problem with anyone thinking you've insinuated anything IYSWIM!

I think your son will stop doing this as he gets a bit older. They go through so many changes and phases as they grow, that in six months' time he probably won't be doing a lot of the things that he's doing now. I agree with Soupdragon that at his age, he probably won't understand even if you try to tell him not to do it - although perhaps you could try saying "No" when he does it, and it may discourage him a little more. I would just watch him very closely (as you have been doing) and keep a close eye on the people that he approaches, and when he's a bit older you can try explaining to him about 'stranger danger'.

Beetroot, I don't agree that small children always ignore the word "No" - at least my ds doesn't. He understands very well what it means and he has done for some time. At 21 months I don't think you can give it to them in much more detail than that. At least by saying "no", you can demonstrate to the child that you don't approve of something they're doing. I don't think it's completely useless advice - it makes sense from my perspective even if you don't agree with it. If I was in the same situation as LadyP, that's how I would be handling the situation anyway - along with keeping a very close eye on my son.

I really think you'll find that it is just a phase he's going through and that if you can stand it, let him live it out.I agree totally with libby65

Thanks for all the advice.

I do say 'no' to him, but he still just trundles up to them anyway.

I must admit, beetroot, the only reason why I don't over-react is because I can see everything as I am standing right next to the man. I suppose my concern is if for whatever reason I may be distracted and he runs off, etc.

I hope that your dd is recovering from her incident.

I think in future, I will discourage it in the nicest way possible(as you said) and also do what Soupdragon said - remove him from the situation but make it so that it is as if he is bothering the man rather than me being wary of him.

Thanks again, everyone.

LadyP
you say
"statisticially he could come across someone perverse eventually. "

Please don't let the media panic you. Statistically he is actually pretty unlikely to come across anyone perverted. The Paedophiles are a very VERY small proportion of our society.

I am not suggesting that you shouldn't try to protect your ds, just don't get yourself into a sweat that any man he approaches is likely to do him some form of sexual damage, it's very unlikely.

I remember watching my father at my neice's 6th birthday party. A little girl fell over and grazed her knee. My dad picked her up to cuddle her and rub her knee better, as he would have done when I was little. The child's mother came and snatched her away, giving my dad a filthy look. What have we come to??

That's my point, easy, I don't want to turn into that mother. Hence why I mentioned earlier that I don't want to steam into the situation, snatching my son away as if something will happen.

I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I suppose I just want him to be wary of the dangers