I really despise this child ....... whats the best way to deal with things?

[mosschops30]

ds has been at chilminders and nursery with same child for a couple of years.
When he first started with CM, his behaviour was so bad towards ds that she gave notice to childs parents, he ended up staying and CM has worked very hard to keep him under control. Nursery also complain to CM about his behaviour, so its not just us.
Anyway his parents know that he has issues but are under stress of their own (which will never change), and rarely want to deal with things, I have been at parties when he has behaved dreadfully and she just allows him to carry on rather than have a confrontation, he also wakes in the night screaming for her to get a drink/blanket/dummy (he's 5).

Went to primary school visit today, and he's there because sadly they will go through primary together, ends up taking toy off ds, bending his finger back, grandparent didnt say anything (i know her too, she often does the school run) so I ended up telling him off and she said 'oh Im sure he wouldnt have done it' to which i replied 'its been a daily occurance for years' at which she looked shocked and said 'oh I know he's nasty to his brother but not to X (ds).

Spoke to CM who says she doesnt mention every episode to parents as would take her an hour a day to report all his bad behaviour.

He really is the most dislikable (sp) child Ive ever met, he actually repels people (yes honestly). I just dont know what to do, and wanted a rant really. have already warned school and said I dont want them paired

Sorry we don't all agree with your opinions about this young child, however, the CM should not be discussing confidential decisions with you or discussing this child's behaviour with you at all for that matter - she would have signed an agreement which adheres to this. You have choices in life and one would have been to remove your child from the CM or nursery if things were that bad .... 2 years is a long time to be very upset. I don't think we sit on high ground, just have thoughts and opinions like yourself and we are able to express them as strongly as you are. Also, children are not adults and we need to stop expecting them to think and behave like one. Sorry if you didn't get what you wanted to hear.

No experience of this as a parent (so far) but I was bullied as a child myself on and off and fighting the bully was the only way to put a stop to it. Winning the fight isn't important, making yourself a difficult rather than an easy target is

If you feel so strongly that this child has "targeted" your child for the past 2 years, the why the hell did you leave him with the same child minder? Sounds to me like the CM was a bit rubbish if she couldnt put a stop to it. I certainly wouldnt have allowed my child to put up with it for 2 years.

Nothing you can do about it at school, apart from make the teachers aware etc. But you left your child with "damien" for 2 years and now expect us to all join in calling him the spawn of Satan. Maybe he has a behavioural disorder such as ADHD, maybe his homelife is really awful and this is how he vents his frustration.

If someone said those sort of things about my child, it would break my heart.

I agree about fighting the bully, but we are talking about a 5 year old child with obvious problems. I think children this age don't really understand bullying and are unable to make themselves a harder target. Many children don't fight back because it's not in their nature to do so. A tricky situation. I have a 6yo ds dx ADHD and he has had problems in the passed with peer relationships - thankfully he's learning to cope better these days and is able to express his frustrations/feelings without lashing out or screaming in the face of the other poor kid. I am truly able to see both sides of this story, but am unable to support non-constructive and vindictive criticism of a small child.

All schools have children like this and most schools keep it in check. My DD1's best friend is a boy and he can be a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde charecter (sp?).
One minute he will play really well with her and the next, she gets a fist in the face, once he tried to strangle her!
But she still likes him and he comes over to our house for a couple of hours each evening and he behaves really well.
DD2 is going to reception this September with a good group of friends from pre-school, but the next year, the reception teacher will have her hands full as two of the most misbehaved and spiteful boys will be starting reception along with two special needs children who will need 1 to 1 helpers.
You usually find that they mellow as they mature, until they become teenagers