dd is 3.8, very bright (ok, aren't they all, but she really is) and articulate. She has always been very shy - more than just shy, actually. As a baby and toddler she used to avoid eye contact - seemed to find it overwhelming - and would freeze and dissolve into tears if other children so much as came up to her. She talks about friends and playdates a lot - she clearly wants friends - but doesn't seem to know how to engage with other children. She is shy with adults initially but soon warms up and chats away.
She goes to a very small, sweet pre-school where she has made real progress - is a lot less scared of other children - but is still by far the shyest child there. She won't join any group activity; just hovers on the outskirts, wanting to get involved but not knowing how.
Most worryingly, though, she has become fiercely competitive and very aggressive. Everything is a race and she wants to be first at all times. She talks all the time about hitting: "I want to be a mean boy and hit mean people", "I want to hit little girls" etc. She does hit other children and us if she feels she can get away with it (this means rarely, because she can't get away with it - but she would if she could!). Her teddy tells me that she is cross, but can't explain why. Her fantasy play involves a lot of people/animals being mean and excluding or hitting each other.
I am finding this very upsetting (and embarrassing). Is it normal for a child this age to be so fascinated by aggression? Could it be linked with her social problems? How do I handle it? - right now I'm using a mix of ignoring where she is just talking about it, and punishing (by stopping playing or withdrawing privileges) if she actually acts out. I'd be really grateful for any advice; right now I can't imagine her being able to start school next year.