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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does your 3 or 4 yr old have toy guns?

79 replies

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2005 11:45

Just wondering. Mine don't have any guns.

Was going to a friends yesterday afternoon and when we met at pre-school she asked me if I minded that her son had some new action men with guns that he wanted to show to my son that afternoon. I said it was her house and I wasn't going to say she couldn't have them out but that we didn't have any guns in our house.

There was no big deal made about it but I've been thinking about it since (oh, because we didn't go to her house in the end, we all went to the park because it was so nice) - her son is only 3.5 and I'm also just really surprised because the Mum is very, very religious and talks a lot about how she hates those Bratz dolls and how she only really wants him to watch CBeebies and keep him away from 'bad things' for as long as possible. I said I was surprised she had them (we know each other well so it was OK for me to say this iyswim! it was said nicely!) and she said 'oh yes but he spotted them in the shop and he wanted them' - this shocked me too really! I don't care what ds spots in the shops - I'm the mummy and I'll decide if he's having it!

Anyway, dh thought I was being silly about the gun thing and said all boys play with them - I know they do but so far we've avoided it as the boys are only 4, 2 and 8 months and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as I can.

OP posts:

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Gwenick · 12/05/2005 16:09

my DS1 (4.5yrs) got his first toy 'gun' last week at the local fair - it's one of those that you stick rubber sucker things in the barrel and pull the leaver (sp) back and it sticks (well supposed to anyhow LOL) to windows and other surfaces. I wasn't keen on the idea to start with - but then I figured I don't 'really' see the problem with them - he knows not to fire it at his brother and I grew up playing cowboys and indians (suppose that's not PC today............) and didn't have any inclination to pick up a real gun and shoot anyone.......

happymerryberries · 12/05/2005 16:17

Gwenick, you played Imperialists and Native Americans

Gwenick · 12/05/2005 16:26

PMSL

tarantula · 12/05/2005 16:29

lol nice one HMB

Gwenick · 12/05/2005 16:37

but doesn't quite have the same 'ring' to it does it????

Blu · 12/05/2005 16:39

I have tried to discourage 'fighting toys', DS does not watch adult TV, we are a peaceful PC household. But the imaginative thing still takes hold, and DS commented on a Blockbuster film poster recently that 'he's got a gun, he's shooting badies' etc etc, and the fascination went on for days.

It is always 'baddies' that get shot, and as far as DS is concerned, swords are for hitting other swords, not people - he doesn't really 'get' that they are designed to maim and kill. Marina posted recently that her DS had been known to use a piece of toast as a gun, in household otherwise free of guns.
TBH, my biggest 'frown' recently has been about DS's nursery teacher explaining the Easter story in detail that I thought was a bit too graphic. there are no circumstances in which I would have chosen to tell a 3 year old about one human being nailing another to a tree until they died - and DS spent the next week telling his freinds and imaginary baddies that he would 'nail them to a cross'.

Yesterday DS played with 3 little girls. They were bear princesses, he was the guard, ready to 'bash' Goldilocks when she arrived to steal their porridge. When DS developed a nosebleed as a result of hayfever, he and the girls gruesomely explained that Goldilocks had tried to kill him by putting poison up his nose!

What am I saying? I think we might be banning toy guns as a pacifier to our own political sensibilities, and that play is about exploring the worst in things as an idea against which to see the best of things, and the plain ordinary. That is what fairy tales do - horrific stories, but re-assuring because it makes your own life seem that much cosier. You appreciate Mummy when you compare her to a witch in the wood (on good days, anyway). I think we clamp down on stages in children's imaginative growth at our peril, exploring things in play and imagination does not mean they will do it in real life, and it might just give them the emotional and imaginative tools to deal with RL all the more constructively.

BUT for that to happen, the child has to have a loving environment in which people treat each other with respect and care. If the environment supports / reflects the fantasy violence, there culd well be problems.
That's what I suspect, anyway.

Miaou · 12/05/2005 16:43

What an interesting discussion. I only have dds, who are fairly non-aggressive too, but if I had a ds I would certainly not buy them for him, and would discourage others from doing so, but tbh I would be more concerned about what the child was doing with the gun and what their attitudes were towards it. If the child was very clear about it being pretend, ie just a game, I think that would be more healthy than an outright ban which can make it seem so much more desirable.

I used to babysit three boys when I was in my teens, who were not allowed guns, but had a wrestling video which they were allowed to watch before bed. I then had to scrape them off the ceiling and break up numerous fights before they went to sleep . The link between aggression and entertainment in wrestling is far more dangerous imho than a game of "lets pretend we're shooting at baddies" (with the emphasis on the word pretend!)

northerner · 12/05/2005 16:45

My ds makes a gun out of his toast crusts.

littlerach · 12/05/2005 16:47

Haven't read all of this, but interestingly we have just returned from a friend's house who has 2 boys, I have 2 girls. I was quite shocked by the eldest, 4, having a pistol which he kept "shooting" everyone with. I also wasn't comfortable with him asking people to be dead.

As I have 2 girls, maybe I am just not used to this kind of imaginative play, but I certainly wasn't comfortable with it.

happymerryberries · 12/05/2005 16:49

Well, mu dd used to want me to pretent to be the queen, so she could be a princess. Now, as a republican I didn't like that but what the hell she is only young once!

Similarly ds wan't me to be the mummy lion so he can be Simba but I don't think that dh is going to be trampled by wilderbeasts.

Pretend is one thing reality is another

Ulysees · 12/05/2005 16:50

My youngest is 4 and he has recently got a gun but he doesn't play with it tbh. What worries me more is the video games kids that age play. My eldest played a simpsons one (at a friend's) the other day where they ran people over,stole cars and kicked people. My friend thought it was ok as it was cartoon but I was horrified and this game is only age 6.

Blu · 12/05/2005 16:53

At his previous nursery, DS was concentrating really hard making quite an ingenious cannon out of lego. His nursery teacher really told him off and did a big number on guns - whilst behind him another child systematically lined up a row of plastic clowns on the floor and ran over them with a bus shouting 'you're all dead'. No comment whatsoever.

DS does have some knights and I was much much happier when he galloped them about fighting baddies than (following a misguided attempt at political consciousness by DP) shouting 'let's go off and hate the Mus-er-lims'. As far as he is concerned, knights fight baddies. Anyone they fight must be a baddie, no ifs or buts. Can't wait til we next see his Muslim cousins. See? reality and imagination done't make a healthy mix!

foxinsocks · 12/05/2005 16:54

we don't have guns

a man at the end of our road was killed in a fire - we saw the flames on the way back from school. We didn't know him well but certainly enough to nod hello.

From that point onwards, my kids 'understood' that being dead is actually not that much fun and playing games where you pretend to kill people is not really cool at all.

Blu · 12/05/2005 16:55

LOL hmb re wildebeests!

Blu · 12/05/2005 16:56

How old were they when that happened, foxinsocks?
How horrible

foxinsocks · 12/05/2005 17:08

3 and 4 - yes it was horrible!! (especially as we had to move out for a night because they were worried about a gas cannister going up - they also only found his body the next day as the firemen couldn't go in because of the gas).

I wasn't meaning to change the tone of this debate but I just wanted to point out that once they understand how permanent death can be, I think it can change the nature of the games they play or at least makes them think a bit harder about what they do.

flum · 13/05/2005 17:13

foxinsocks. being dead might be great fun. have you ever been dead how could you know?

Stop being facetious Flum

Sorry.

krist · 31/05/2005 22:29

I have two boys and dont see the harm. I played cops and robbers with my brothers when we were kids, im not a axed murderer and even if toys guns wernt available we would use sticks. you cant stop boys from being boys. It's all about boys and there toys. Same with my husband really excited about doing live fire exercise in america with grenade launchers (army) not my idea of fun and neither is getting dirty under a car, it's a blokes world. dont you think you would be moaning if your boys wanted to dress up as princesses and were high heels .

Mud · 31/05/2005 22:36

Something else to get knickers in a twist about I see

Our arsenal includes
a revolver that came with a shooting gallery, complete with plastic cans that go ping
2 water guns
a light sabre
3 Action Men with associated weaponry
2 Power Rangers 'guns'
2 Lego Knights with swords

sure there's more

It is role play for boys much as dressing up as fairies is for girls, let them play through it and learn the salutory lesson that weapons kill and hurt and get over it

huggybear · 31/05/2005 22:37

my 3 year old has a couple of toy guns and a few swords, i dont mind him playing with them.

krist · 31/05/2005 22:42

Also My husband was married to me and we had our eldest child before he joined the army he's not a teenage squadie, I feel people read to much into imaginative play, for hundreds of years boys have played rough it's what makes a boy a boy it's in there hormones they have it in there genes, Thats why boys like creepy crawlies, mud, adventure sports , football contact sport, rugby can cause big injuries, boxing, street fighting, bull racing, all are all about blokes as a girly girl the most you get me doing is football and then I duck if the balls coming a bit fast my why. I dont encourage vilolent behaviour agaist others in the slightest, and if things did get rough I would intervene My boys know it is naughty to hit others and have glowing reports from school about the behaviour. A pleasure to teach, mixes extreamly well with the whole class, never have I had a bad report about there behaviour so No i dont think playing with guns is a bad thing at all.

krist · 31/05/2005 22:44

cool It really upsets me that girls can take barbies and dolls into schools but my son cant take his light sabre Isnt playing with toy babies promoting underage sex teenage pregnancys

Mud · 31/05/2005 22:46

LOL @ Krist

snafu · 31/05/2005 22:47

Yes, and light sabres promote underage Jedi-ing and illegal use of The Force...

krist · 31/05/2005 22:49

lol

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