7-y-o DS odd behaviour - any advice?

[RachR]

My DS was seven a couple of weeks ago. A while back, he started weeing in his pants and hiding them in the washing basket, along with a wet flannel.

I asked him why he was doing it; he never came up with a plausible reason, but stopped doing it when I told him he would start to lose his computer time if he did it again.

I've just discovered that he's started doing it again, only he's hiding the pants and flannel down the back of his bookcase (I just found three pairs).

What I am worried about is that he's trying to hide it. On the one hand, it's not surprising, given my threat to remove his computer time if he does it again. But I just don't get it. Why on earth would he do it?

He was potty trained just after his second birthday (dry day and night), and has no history of toilet accidents. We are moving to a new city this summer, which means he's going to a new school; I wonder if that plays any role?

What I want to know really is whether anyone has experienced anything similar and, if so, what you did about it. It doesn't help matters that DS is completely uncommunicative about anything to do with emotions. He's super-bright and musically gifted, but remarkably unable to talk about anything human (he can talk forever about his obsessions, but not about feelings). Any negative emotions seem to become anger.

I am desperate, and would dearly love advice/experiences!

Firstly I'd check that there isn't some underlying medica reason - has he got an infection or something. If not that I would say it is most likely down to anxiety about your forthcoming move - new home, new school, new friends, leaving all that he knows behind. If he doesn't talk about how he feels (which isn't unusual with boys) that's an awful lot to contend with for someone who's just 7. I certainly don't think punishing him is going to help - I don't expect he is doing it on purpose. If that were the case I would have thought he would have made it obvious rather than hiding the evidence. Try and encourage him to come to you when it happens, and perhaps you can gently encourage him to talk about the move, and that may lead onto anything else that may be worrying him.

Can't give much advice but wanted to let you know that we are in the same boat. My DS (also 7) also still wets himself! Never at night (he's been dry at night since he was 3). He seems to not want to bother to go to the loo (strange that it never happens at school either - only at home or when we are out somewhere). He is not embarrassed and does'nt hide it though (he has no shame). I generally ignore it now as I have put it down to laziness, i.e he can't be bothered to stop what he's doing to go and make him go and clean himself up (probably happens about once a fortnight).

You may want to make sure your DS does'nt have a urinary infection though as that can sometimes cause accidents. Probably just a phase though!

Does he wet himself at school? Has his school made any comment about his behaviour in general?

Thanks for your advice and comments!

He doesn't wet his pants at school, and has never wet them at home (apart from these recent, hidden episodes). He doesn't do it if we're anywhere else; I think he must do it in his bedroom once we've said goodnight to him, as he doesn't have any other opportunity really. His teacher has noticed recently that his behaviour - formerly superb - is not as good as it has been; he has been cheeky and won't do as the prefects tell him. But, again, I don't know if this is normal 7-y-o boy behaviour!

I will investigate the urinary tract infection as I'd like to rule that out - I hadn't thought of that. I rather think he'll stop doing it if he thinks a doctor is going to be involved, though!

I think what I'm afraid of is that he's doing it because doing something forbidden makes him feel better (less anxious/stressed) in some way that I don't understand - hence doing it secretly. That's what worries me above all!

The reason I asked about school was to rule out any problems' he may be experiencing there. I would sit him down and have a gentle chat with him. Tell him you are worried about the wetting because he may have an infection that is easy to treat and not serious. Ask him about school - who his mates are and who he plays with - is everyone kind etc etc . He may open up to you if he thinks you are concerned enough to take him to the doctors.

Thanks, ICan! I shall follow your advice once DD is in bed and I can talk to him without interruption...

It's so hard to know what's going on in his mind. He tends to fabricate pretty much everything, and it's difficult to know what to believe!

If he isdoing it once you have said goodnight perhaps he is scared to go to the toilet. I only mention this because my ds became scared of the dark around this age, over active imagination, and we had to leave the toilet light on for him and leave a torch in his room.

Well, I had a nice cosy chat to him this evening about what he was up to. His first explanation was typically loopy nonsense, namely that he needed to carry water from his bathroom to his bedroom and that his pants were good water-carrying devices.

He was surprised when I said that I thought that might not be true!

However, he did then say that he does it because it's fun , and that he won't do it again ( again!) Apparently he sits on the loo and wees into his pants for the fun of it. I really don't get boys.

We shall see whether it stops now! I shall certainly keep the urine infection idea in mind if it re-starts, not least as it would be a good reason to ask a doctor for his/her opinion too...

Thank you to all of you for your advice and suggestions!