Whining - whining - and MORE whining - end of tether - advice please !!

[booboobeedoo]

Any advice or experience for me? My DD - nearly 4 - whines ALL the time.

It's about everything and anything at all - what she's wearing, what she's eating, what she's doing or isn't doing.

For example by 8am this morning (she'd been up for approximately 45 minutes)- she whined 'cos a cartoon she watched on TV was too short, she chose a dress to wear (she LOVES dresses) and then whined 'cos she wasn't wearing shorts. She had sausages (her favourite) for packed lunch, then whined cos there weren't any yoghurts left. She's going to a party later and whined about the time it starts.

She has a bloomin' good life - WHY THE NEGATIVITY!!!! (sorry for shouting!) please help - need advice as it's driving me CRAZY.

"More is never enough".

She doesn't know she has the good life! to her, it's all taken for granted. Send her down a mine for half a day....she's old enough now!

no advice but lots of sympathy - we are going through this with ds1 atm - he's 3.6, hope to god it doesn't last til he's 4!

Ear plugs, big ones

My 18mo DD started with the whining a couple of months ago, although it's not about anything in particular yet lol.

I now sit and MN and turn my hearing aids off so that I cant hear her whine in all of her glory.

No advice but wanted to join in as my 4yo dd is exactly the same, instant waterworks whenever something doesn't go her own way/isn't to her liking.

I am getting really fed up with it.

Today as a treat, I made scones to go with the strawberries and clotted cream I already had.
Asked if she would like one with jam, cream and strawberries, "yes please".
Scone arrived, she started crying because it had jam and cream on it.

Apparantly the trick is to ignore it and change the subject. However, if your DD is anything like mine then this has limited effectiveness. I vear between ignoring her, putting her in her room or yelling like a banshee (not pretty but occassionally helps me! ).

Usually DD is worse when she's tired or hungry and she has started to grow out of it a bit (3.7 yrs now) - I'm ignoring the bit about yours being 4 (I can't bear to think about it lasting that long!).

Well done Crackling for a very unhelpful post - how exactly does "I'm ignoring the bit about yours being 4 (I can't bear to think about it lasting that long!)" help the OP in any way, other than making her feel bad that her child is still doing it?? Honestly, what a horrible thing to say.

OP: you have 2 choices. Neither are very appealing though. 1) - punish your DD when she whines (you'll need to warn her in advance, to give her the opportunity NOT to whine!). 2) - ignore the whining, no matter how long it goes on for ...

Or you could try a combination of both, plus shouting/whatever other coping mechanisms you use for your own sanity (am not advocating shouting at children, but we are all human after all!).

I would try option 2) first, and then option 1) if that doesn't work (try option 2 for at least a week before giving up, and make sure you have plenty of things for YOU to focus on whilst ignoring your DD's whining - books/internet/radio/iPod/housework/etc etc ... and you literally have to pay her ABSOLUTELY NO ATTENTION AT ALL until the whining stops - at which point you make a huge, huge fuss of her).

Good luck - oh, and she WILL grow out of it eventually anyway.

What do you do when she whines, booboobeedoo?

Hi - Thanks everyone for your posts and advice.

No worries CacklingandBarking and MummyDragon about her being nearly 4. I don't mind!!

ScarlettCrossbones depending on circs, I tend to do a mixture of:

1. ignoring (not for that long TBH)
2. punishment (sending to her room until she has stopped crying)
3. distraction
4. reward for not whining and
5. copying her whining voice (really don't recommend stooping to this one!)
6. shouting VERY LOUD

On reflection and writing these all down, it feels like I am not being too consistent doesn't it?! Think I will follow advice to try only totally ignoring - that is when she has come back out of t'pit!!

Thanks everyone.

Ignoring is the way to go. numbers 2, 5 and 6 are rewarding her with attention. If children aren't recieving constant postive attention, they will strive for it, and they will settle for negative attention. Praising when she does not whine is excellent, and distraction is good too.

Ignoring works because you are removing the attention for unwanted behaviours. It takes persistance and patience but it does work. It's really imortant to give her your attention back the moment she stops whining, then remove it again if she restarts.

Also think about modelling the behaviour that you want. Do you whine? We all do but try to be more aware of it and stop yourself from doing it infront of her.

I would recommend reading Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green and/or The Incredable Years by Caroline Webbster-Stratton, for some really helpful tips.

Ps. DS whines ALL THE BLOODY TIME! But these things are helping greatly.

Thank you!