How likely is it that a child, attempting to swing a skipping rope over a bar, actually swore when they said "it's a grapple hook"?

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

I've still (obviously) got a bee in my bonet about this. What would you think? Did he swear and lie about it would you say or not? Is this any reason to label this child as a swearer and believe every report of this child swering, true or not?

TIA.

My daughters knew about grappling hooks from the age of about three, because they had one in their Playmobil castle, so I think it is ridiculous of the head to assume that a ten year old wouldn't know about them.

I think the most important thing now is to get him settled somewhere. If he does need assessing/statementing it will be much easier if he stays in one place for a length of time. It's much harder once they reach secondary age (at least, in my experience - which isn't vast).

Good luck.

It would be the third school in 12 months I do feel so terrible. He does make friends, normally they all play runescape and are a bit daft. It has taken him so long to make friends like this though it breaks my heart to move him. The new school is a junior and senior school so he won't (hoping) have to move again. I really am worried about the reference though. I called them on Friday to sort the test out and I'm waiting for the head to call me back. Ive told them he needs assessing for aspergers but I really don't know what to say about the shocking reference the head is going to produce. Should I just offer some of his old school reports (if I can find them)?

We were shown around by the head's secretary when we went to be nosey, he was really well behaved, she commented on how well mannared(sp?) he was. Do you think they will take this into account? He was polite, asked relevant questions, gave really articulate answers to hers, even opened doors for people, just how he is here. He did want to open all of them though so maybe he was too polite??????

If you are really worried about it, write a letter to the new school setting everything down, explaining what has gone wrong, but I really think that a child swearing once is not going to be a huge deal. Apart from everything else children sometimes swear as a way to try and fit in, and if your son has some AS issues, then he might have tried that out and failed in the context. Or more likely not have sworn at all. I would be surprised if the Headteacher emphasizes this episode in his reference, although he may well say that your ds did not fit in very well. As you have presumably discussed this with the new school when they asked why you were moving him, I can't see that as being a big deal.

Oh, and my poor kids moved schools (and countries) twice in just over six months. It has been tough on them, and my ds in particular needed quite a lot of support, and behaved fairly badly (at school) in his first term at his latest school. He now seems much happier, but it is worth discussing how you and the new school will communicate whilst your son settles (we agreed on emails home about bad things and notes in his agenda/parent-school book about anything good) it makes a real difference if you can work together, and schools are not IME very good at communicating unless you expressly ask/give them permission to do so.

I have not really discussed why he's moving. The origional plan was to look for a secondary school for ds for 2010 entry. I said it's a shame I couldn't move him any earlier as we really did like the school, then she said 'we have some spaces in year 6 for this september, I'm the one that does the admissions!" She said to have a think about thimgs and get back to her if we were interested in a place for september, I called her last week and she was really pleased, which is when I also told her about ds needing an assessment for aspergers which she was really helpful about, then I phoned the junior school to try and arrange to speak to the head.

I don't think it will just be about the swearing, she also said she thought ds believed that he was "better then everyone else", didn't speak to the teachers the way he should, irritated the other children, argued with them. Most of this can be explained, some have been calling him 'gay boy' (which the head deny's), he's retaliating by saying things like "I know you are but what am I", which is making it worse. He has tried walking away, they just follow him. One of his 'traits' of Aspergers is how he speaks to adults so this didn't surprise me.

The current school was really bad at telling me there was a problem. He'd been there a term and I'd heard nothing from them at all, then I had to write in to the head after ds told me some boys had tried to pull down his pants, he sat on the floor and they put dirt/grass down them, the head denies this by the way. I know it happened, I believe him and I found dirt on the toilet seat after he'd been to the loo. She doesn't believe him because he didn't tell his teacher (ds finds it really difficult to talk about things like this, a girl pinched his nose last week, I stood with him when he told a teacher and he was almost in tears ). It took them a term to tell me and this was only because I complained about the pant pulling. Now he has a communications book which he brings home.

But he obviously knew the words grapple hook when telling the teacher what he had said?!?!?!?

Why does she then not believe that that is what he said especially when combined with the action of swinging the rope like a grapple hook?

i think i would be proactive and talk to head at new school before report is received... explain you disappointment in present school and that they have not sought to understand / support ds.

I don't know. He said he was trying to explain to her what he was doing with the skipping rope, he was using it as a grapple hook! It appears that as he's new, she trusted what the other boy had said rather then ds. They had a report from ds's old school saying he doesn't take responsibility for what he's done and he won't admit to doing things but from what ds told me, there was 1 boy who would say ds had done things when he had not. He's always been fairly honest with me though and will tell me if he's done something he shouldn't have. I really don't know what to do.

I don't want to sound like one of those parent's who's child does nothing wrong though controlfreaky. I've always been honest, I know ds, he's verbal rather then physical and I will always say that he has problems with playtime/lunch/pe because he can't cope with the freedom. I don't feel as if I will be believed when I say that ds isn't like this.

Don't you have to be 13 for Runescape?

yes. He plays under supervision though and he sticks to the rules like glue (hence the aspergers thought).

I don't know enough about either Aspergers or ADHD but your ds does sound like a friend's son who has ADHD. Behaviour was better at home than at school until school took ADHD diagnosis on board. Bright but disobedient child now viewed as bright child with ADHD and appropriate allowances are made for behaviour.

I don't think he needs allowances, he does need understanding though. He still needs to learn what is and is not acceptable. We have firm boundaries at home but if he's told off for sneezing/'swearing' etc at school it's a battle. He doesn't have ADHS, he works really well in class and he's OK outside when he's with his friends. He's not disobedient, he just doesn't read people well and can be easily led.

I think you can play runescape under 13, they just stop you talking to people. He is always supervised though.

The head of the prospective school called back, I may have sounded like one of those "my child would never do that", head in the sand type though. They are not going to request a reference until he's sat the entrance test which is good. I did warn him that he has a very mature/odd use of language that has come across as him being 'snobby' though (short of what the current head said about him). Should I have said this?

Frankly, I'm pretty sure that any prospective school would be wary of a child with his school history. I'm not saying that it's his fault - but I do think he's be better staying in one school for a decent length of time and perhaps learning how to moderate his behaviour to suit the company he's in. Or is that unfair?

That's my thinking seeker I didn't plan any of this though, I didn't intend to move him again, we went to see the secondary school, not the junior school. He's not fitted in at all where he is now, he sound's like a minature Sherlock Holmes so he's not really going to fit in anywhere though so the least I can do for him is find him somewhere that's understanding. I can see how 'grapple hook' can be mistaken for the f word but it's silly to tell him off for this.