Away from my 1 year old for a week: can she cope?

[julen]

Hi all,

It looks as if I will have to be away from my 1 year old daughter for a week, without being able to see her at all for the whole time. Does anyone have any experience with this? How do children this small cope with things like that? Will she still know me when I get back (my selfish worry..)?
I'm still breastfeeding her - can I keep it going by expressing while I'm not with her?

Any advice at all most most welcome..!

Julen, I'm sure your dd will cope well, and you can keep expressing while you are away.
I have left my ds (now 16m) quite often (bad mother alert!) for both work and pleasure, sometimes with dh, or with either set of grandparents. Each time he has adjusted really well, and doesn't seem to notice that I am not there. When he stays at home rather than at grandparents house, he may look around for me when he comes in / wakes up, but as long as someone is feeding him and paying him attention then he isn't too bothered.
He does get a bit more clingy than usual for a couple of days when I get back, but the novelty of having Mummy around soon wears off again.
I assume that your dd is happy to have a bottle of milk when you are not there, so I can't see any problems.

In March I went skiing and left dd who was 14m with the grandparents for a week (bad mom alert!). I was worried because we don't live nearby so she hasn't seen them all that much. I was worried she wouldn't settle etc and that I would really miss her. I needn't of worried on either count!! She had the attention of 2 gparents and their dog for 24/7 - they took her on several trips including a few days by the sea. She absolutely loved it and learnt her first word (dog!). When we got back she was clingy with Nanny (but very tired) and didn't want to come to us straight away!!! We took her home the next day and she was successfully 'deprogrammed' and back to normal.
I don't know about the breast feeding - I expect it would be OK but I was never a big fan of expressing. Dd gave up at 11m so it wasn't a problem with us. Apart from the fact she never drinks milk at home, but apparently drank 2 cups a day with Nanny!!!
Enjoy your trip!

hi Julen
We left our son at quite an early age just to have a weekend away and he was happy all weekend with Grandma and Grandad (apparently) and also happy to come back to us. We didn't find it disruptive to him in anyway. I cant advise you on the expressing quesion as I'd finished breast feeding by the time this happened.
You will miss your daughter of course but as long as you have lots to do to keep your mind busy, I bet the time will fly past. And you might even find that you enjoy only having to think about feeding yourself for a change and not your daughter/family as well. And just think of those lie ins!! Enjoy!

Bad mum alert here too! I left ds at 6 months and again at 18 months for skiing holidays (and AGAIN at 2 & 1/2!). First time around I was still expressing, but had not problems getting him back on the boob. He was also happy both times - but also seemed please to see us on our return.

I was also away for work for 2 nights when ds was 11 months - again no problems either for me expressing or with ds on my return.

I think a lot of it is down to the character of your dd - both intrinsically (for example, ds has always been a very contented baby) and also what routines she is used to. Ds has been going to a child minder since he was 4 months old, so is used to be cared for by other people - but also knows who his mum and dad are!

This year when we went off for our "extra" skiing holiday (ds is now 2 and 1/2), he was very happy with his grandparetns and then with his aunt (they were fighting over who got to look after him!) - but he was beside himself with excitement and pleasure when we walked out of the Arrivals Hall at the airport.

Where do you all find these relatives who will happily have your children for a week at a time? I have a number of friends who manage to go for a week's holiday whilst children remain in the care of grandparents.

My mum says she's done her bit, bringing up children. She'll happily have DD overnight occasionally or babysit. She even once had DD for 3 or 4 nights whilst I was in New York with a girlfriend but only because DH arrived home from his week in the US with work and was too ill to look after DD.

I agree SueW - it must be wonderful to have such willing family to help out! One of the down sides of being an older mum (I was 42 when I had DS) is that our parents are obviously that much older too - in fact DH's parents have died; my parents are willing to help out - but they live 300 miles away!! My mum (70) is coming up this w/e whilst we go to London, but as DS is a VERY lively & challenging two year old I really don't like to leave him with her for more than 24 hours - I just don't think it would be fair on my mother. We are also miles from brothers & sisters so that doesn't help much ... having said that we do have wonderful friends,neighbours & babysitters but I can't imagine they'd want DS for more than a day!!

My experience is similar to Spanna. I went skiing without DS ( aged 3.6months ) and DD ( 18 months ).
They had a ball. DD was very clingy with my Mum for the morning after I got back - which though it tugged on my heartstrings - it proved that she was comfortable with Granny whilst I was away.
Since then we have been away quite a bit and the kids love a ) the attention and b ) the treats!!

I recognise we're really lucky - although we try not to abuse it! Mum & Dad are there for "emergencies", like yesterday, when dh and I were both working and the childminder was shut for the bank holiday. The skiing is an "extra"!

When I was 3 we emigrated to this country, so I (or rather my parents) never really had a network of relatives that were around for support. I think Mum & Dad enjoy being able to have a closer interaction with their grandchild than we were able to have with our grandparents (althugh my granny is still alive, and is the most wonderful person - albeit 2000 miles away!)

I too am an "older mum" - my parents are in their 60s, but are really fit (probably fitter then me!), so I have no qualms about leaving a lively toddler with them. In fact, at the moment they are the nominated guardians if anything were to happen to dh and me.

SIL has 2 young ones of her own (8 and 5 ish), but absolutely adores looking after ds. She's a single mum, but nothing is ever too much trouble - AND she lives quite close by! She is so willing, it would be tempting to "abuse" it!

Thanks for all the messages.. a relief to hear that things all seem to work out (I suspect that I'll be the one missing her like mad, while she's having a great time!). I'm lucky enough to have in-laws who are completely smitten AND have the time and energy to look after her on her non-nursery days - they do that a day a week anyway, so dd will probably be over the moon to see even more of them..
The time away will be for work, unfortunately, so no lie-ins to make up for it all, but at least coming back will be the best thing ever! (And for other people wanting to know about expressing while away: there is a thread about that just now under the breastfeeding heading.)

Thanks everybody!