Ho wcan can I help DS1 (8 years) chill out - he's such a worrier...?

[josben]

DS1 gets very anxious about speaking to teachers at school, and his new cub leader - he always wants to do everything just right and i worry that i've encouraged him to be too much of a 'good boy'

I don't want him to feel so nervous about school or after school club situations... He also struggles a bit with some boys his own age... I really need to help him build up some confidence - anyone got any tips?

By the way - at home with DS2 and DD1 he is completely different and is very relaxed and confident....

Josben, no help sorry but will watch with interest as my DS1 10 is exactly the same.

josben - how about a drama club? have heard from others that they can be quasi-miraculous for children who are shy or underconfident - worth a thought perhaps?

Yes, drama club might be helpful for him - especially as he does like acting the fool a bit i think that i might look into that

perhaps you could have a quiet word in the ear of the teacher and cub leader and ask them to seek him out sensitively...I always encourage my children to make eye contact with adults...as they can then see that the adult is approving..rather than imagining they are being negative

Have a look at firstwayforward.com
It got rave reviews in the daily express.

We did drama club for a little while when my ds2 was 7 and although he dropped it after a few weeks, it did give him quite a lot of confidence (same as yours - super confident at home but a bit quiet with new kids or adults then).
I have also signed him up for one week long summer camps (football and that sort of thing) to encourage confidence and that has gone well.
I think the main thing is not to make an issue of it as that can backfire and make them feel even more self conscious. For me, that meant biting my tongue every time we went horseriding and he couldn't tell the teacher which horse he wanted - even though he had spent the whole car journey going on about it. Then one day, he just did and that was that!
Now 10 and more confident.