3 Year Olds - Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Treadmillmom]

I posted quite a few months ago about my aggressive, tantrumming and angry 3 year old.
Pleased to see that he has now become a lovely 3.5 year old, funny, polite, very mischievous and incredibly cute after DH and I made a special effort to make lots of eye contact and communicate with him in a manner to facilitate better understanding.
Every afternoon, once he?s home from pre school and before his brother comes home from primary school I drop the baby in the sling and we play all the role playing, imaginative games he likes or I take him out for long rides on his bike which he loves, so we do spend quality time together.
His behaviour is challenging us again, he keeps telling me that I do not love him and asking me to throw him out of the house! I'm constantly reassuring him that I love him, ?...even when you?re naughty and mommy get?s cross I do still love you and will never ever throw you out (or put him in the bin as is his other request)?. His response, 'You're a liar, you hate me don't you?'
Now when he turned 3, 9 months ago he did have a new baby sister to contend with and I understand a new sibling makes children wobbly as she is my 3rd however, after 9 months of extra special treatment and seeing a positive result to our efforts I now feel like he's taking the piss!
When he?s naughty now I feel as if he?s being manipulative and want to ditch the child psychology and go for a good old fashioned hiding.
What do you reckon ladies (and gents)?

Bumping...please advise.

How do you feel when he says it? Does it get to you? That's worth looking at.

Also, maybe turn it around, tell him you do always love him, but then ask, 'Is that what you think? Why do you feel that?' or, Does it feel like I don't love you when i'm cross? Is it when I shout? and let him talk without stepping in and protesting or justifying too much, just let him say his worst fears and let him see it's about his feelings, not yours, and it's ok for him to have them. I really believe that it's helpful even with really little ones to have an honest talk about feelings.
The other thing which is very powerful, really gets throught to mine is 'there is NOTHING you can do that could make me stop loving you'. And don't necessarily follow up straight away with 'BUT I don't like it when you....'

have you read 'siblings without rivalry'? think it's by the 'how to talk so kids will listen' people, and it's pretty good.

It's so hard with two such little ones, isn't it?