My daughter will not calm down...!

[pavlovthecat]

She has been awful today. For the first day ever. Ever.

she is 2.11. She has the odd minor tantrum, when she is tired, or hungry, or both. Sometimes they are full on but usually not long lasting, very infrequent, and manageable.

She has become a bit more shouty with us, she answers back more, shouts a bit at us when she does not want to do something, but again, it usually is short lived and relatively ok to calm situations down.

Not today. She has been so so so disobedient, for want of a better word. She has refused to do what she was told, by DH and I - she was going into a stream after being told not to, and would not listen, and everytime we put her back down after taking her away from it she would return towards it. She has bitten me, spat at me, shouted in my face with fury in her eyes. Told me I am not her best friend any more (might sound funny but it actually really upset me!).

She has cried and cried in anger. She has told me she is angry with me.

I put her in one spot and told her to stay there. She refused. I put her back, and she stayed there in the end. I told her she needed to stay there until she calmed down as she was hysterical.

Now this evening, she has been watching Peppa Pig. I let her finish watching an episode, and said when it was finished I would turn it off. She watched it, I turned it off, reminding her I was doing it. She went mad! Absolutely mad. Demanded her father, who is out. She ran out the back door refused to come in, shouted, yelled and cried in anger and frustration.

I have had to put her onto a chair and tell her to calm down. She has got off it, I have returned her to it, repeating she cannot come off it until she calms down and says sorry. She shouted, NO I WONT SAY SORRY. I AM ANGRY. She sat there for 10 mins shouting and crying for Peppa Pig.

Then she wanted her food which was on the front room table. I said not until she calmed down and said sorry. She shouted SORRY MAMA, and then calmly. I called her over and gave her a cuddle and said, thank you for saying sorry, please don't shout at me again.

Now she is sat there with a mouth full of pasta, shouting at me for Peppa Pig, she is crying her eyes out. Absolutely sobbing her heart out. She just came over and put her head on my knee - calmly, please? Please? No I said, then off she goes.

Now, it is her bed time. She is so angry and upset I don't want to send her to bed like this. Should I?

How do I manage this?

Now she is upset that daddy is not here. She is upset as she saw his Yop bottle on the computer table and wants pink milk. I know yeah she is probably tired, but she has been like this ALL day and I don't know why, or what to do really.

She is learning that she has control over her actions.

All kids go through the same.

Set boundaries and specific punishments and stick to them so she doesn't get confused.

Before you go somewhere explain to her what is expected of her and why. And what will happen if she doesn't follow the ground rules.

I would send her to bed. You cannot show her that tantrumming will get her what she wants, it will only reinforce the bad behavior, just calmly explain that she cannot watch Peppa Pig now because it is bed time, but if she goes to bed quietly she can watch it tomorrow.

And remember 'this too will pass'

get her to bed
have a glass of wine

thank you. I will give it a try. See ya in a couple of hours.

I know you are right. She has tested boundaries before, but only gently. And this has come completely from left field.

I'd be tempted to give in and give her whatever it takes to have a quiet half hour before bed, for your sake as well as hers.

Is it as clear cut as that though?

No wine for me I am afraid....15 weeks pregnant, cannot even face alcohol...

would love a cold glass of wine

Right, off to bed she goes.

i'm sorry you've had a rough day but to be perfectly honest that sounds like 80% of my days with my 2 year old so possibly you've just been getting off lightly so far

Could you get yourself some chocolate instead??

Oh Pink, I did not mean to be all smug in that DD is not always like this. It is, I think a phase we are now entering. I have been very lucky so far that she has responded to our way of reacting to her tantrums. Alas, this time has passed methinks.

ABC - no chocolate either it makes me sick. In fact, unfortunately, there is nothing food or drink wise that I can eat for comfort .

I did exactly as you said shesells, I told her no peppa pig, it was bed time, but she can watch it tomorrow if she calmed down and went to sleep. And, while she kicked and screamed and fought on the way to bed. Once she was in bed, she snivelled between tears 'read me a story please', and calmed down. Two stories, hugs, kisses later and she rolled over and appears to be quiet.

I do quite fancy a whisky, after saying not fancying alcohol! We have a really nice one in the cupboard.

Thanks, really needed to vent I think. DH has buggered off out to let me deal with it.

I am so not used to it! She has really upped the game since I became pg and have been quite unwell with hyperemesis, but not sure if this new behaviour is the boundaries or some reaction to the pg/illness that has gone with it.

Pav - sorry you are going through this It is hell isn't it?

DS1 (same age) is very similar - but has been hard to deal with for a while now (but his new baby brother made it worse!!)

One thing I have found is when he is being deliberately naughty, rather than just boisterous and cheeky (iyswim), it always coincides with him being poorly (although the illness may not be obvious at the time - usually shows a couple of days later).

It is just their age and the 'terrible twos' I guess

Oh no, sounds like a horrible day.

My dd has just started the shouting "Mummy NO" or doing something I've told her not too while staring straight at me. Pure defiance I think, seeing how much she can get away with.

It's funny because some days are so good and she's an angel.

You must be exhausted as well being 15 weeks, I'm 28 weeks and just getting my energy back. Hopefully your sickness will pass and you can have a whole tub of ben & jerry's.

Sounds like she was worn out from her previous tantrum and so kicked off - these things tend to snowball. After a day like yours (like PT I've had quite a few!) I'd be tempted to bring bedtime forward for both your sanities

Have you been out and about a fair amount this week? Maybe a quiet day tomorrow?

Effie- no, not been out much at all. We went camping last weekend, much more hectic and she was good as gold all weekend, so well behaved, couple of minor bursts but nothing unexpected.

Then I was unwell again this week (i overdid it though!) so we did not very much at all, she did her usual stuff (nursery rhyme group etc).

Ceebee how is your LO? Almost time for the 3s! She does actually get a bit grumpy when she is unwell, but she is not unwell very often so I forget. She has not been ill for ages in fact, so maybe last time she would not have been so communicative. She was difficult to put to sleep yesterday, slept late today which she does not normally do even when tired, and said she was tired today on the way home which again she does not normally do. I will keep an eye on her, thanks for reminding me. I always mean to come back over to the post natal thread, but I never get round to it. You are all experiencing it too!

Confuzzled I think you are right, I think she tired herself out, was probably already too tired. I hated feeling so frustrated with her, she is such a good girl and it makes me feel tearful that I got angry with her at the stream. I did get cross but because it was a potentiall dangerous situation. It was not actually dangerous, water not deep, not flowing fast, but she needs to know she has to follow instructions by the water and when she carried on walking in I shouted at her. Oh to want Ben and Jerry's

I just looked in on her and she is fast asleep, looks beautiful, but has a red face wear she has been crying so hard .

Actually ceebee, I have been thinking over the sickness as my pregnancy brain is struggling to piece together bits of information right now and I knew there was something that made me suspect she might be unwell/become unwell I just could remember (this is happening a LOT) - on tuesday/wednesday I noticed a faint but consistent rash, a bit like a heat rash across her belly, chest and her back, very fine, (spotty, raised pimples) with a couple of patches of dry skin on her back, sort of like very very mild mild ecxema. But I looked today when I applied sun cream and it appeared to have cleared, or certainly was not that noticeable. (although it was hardly noticeable before, it just looked like her skin was not as pure as normal, you had to look closely).

Hmm. Wonder whether she is coming down with a viral bug or something? .

Could well be - I remember we had a hellish weekend with DS1 a few months ago where he was just being SO naughty (DS2 was about 8 weeks old at the time so me and DH were pulling our hair out!) - a couple of days later, he came out in spots which were chicken pox!!

He was the same last weekend - and lo and behold, by the middle of the week, he had a stinking cold and cough.

Don't get me wrong, he is a handful at the best of times but there is definitely an edge to his naughtiness when he is ill.

Hope your DD is ok

Thanks ceebee, how is it having 2? Are you enjoying it? I am looking forward to 2, apprehensive as I am used to giving all my attention to DD, but also excited as I think she will flourish even more with a sibling around, and I am looking forward to having a baby here!

I think I will give DD big hugs whatever happens, whether she was sick or just pushing me. She has had a hard day, even if she is pushing boundaries, it can't be nice to be so frustratated for so long. So we will have cuddles, even if it only lasts for 5 mins before she wants peppa pig