bedtime dramas with 3 yr old

[mamatilly]

really looking for some ideas to help harmony return in our home!

seems so important to create a gentle bedtime for my boy, but it is just going crazy! battles over getting in bath, out bath, brushing teeth, pajamas on etc etc etc. husband often does this while i am tired out at end of long day or giving baby last milk before he sleeps but i find it hard too.

i dont want us to threaten no bedtime story in order to enforce good behaviour as bedtime story seems so lovely and important. so what to do?

also, we are still lying next to toddler while he falls asleep as he gets so so upset if we leave the room. i dont mind this as it is quiet time for me but i do wonder how long it will carry on!

so how are bedtimes in your house????

My DS1 (now 3) keeps trying to push bedtime out too - I'm pretty sure its a stage everyone goes through with their toddlers. What we do is tell him what is going to happen next - dinner, then tv time, then bathtime, then story time and milk, then toothbrush, then stories then bedtime. If he kicks up a fuss at any stage we give him a choice - bathtime or straight to bed? That generally gets him back in line. He gets a bed time story regardless but if he's really good will get extra stories. He wil tell us that there are monsters in his room, he needs to poo etc when it is bedtime but we're trying to be firm and consistent and explain its bedtime now to him and time to sleep.

Could there be a chance he is afraid of being alone or afraid of the dark? My DD was always great at bedtime until recently then it all went wrong. I bought her a night lite that she can take to bed and allowed her to take a little book as well. When I put her down I left the room and said Mummy back in a minute, she needs a wee'. I return a minute later and say 'Mummy back in a while'. Of course when I go back half an hour later she is always asleep. The light and book really seem to help.

Do you think that he could be wondering if the baby is staying up later than him? That you are spending more 'quality time' with baby?

Bedtimes are so hard, the more tired they are the harder they are to get down to bed.

I would keep the book but be very strict, the moment he starts to play up during the book I would put it down and put him into bed. He will only need to miss a few nights to know it is not worth pushing it.

Hi mamatilly, you have my sympathy - we've only just got out of the staying by the bed phase ourselves! I think part of it was that he was just ready to be left while he fell asleep and part of it was just going back to check on him really frequently (every 2 - 3mins to start with) and telling him we would be back. He also likes to know exactly what we're doing while we go downstairs (so I have to make it reassuringly boring like the washing up!)
As far as general behaviour goes, I found that my DS (3.2) behaves best if I'm calm and good humoured. Which is not at all easy when you're tired and have had enough of battling all day, but I just tell myself that it'll all be quicker and more pleasant if I can keep up the act!
Another tip I got from a work colleague was to set an alarm which goes off to tell them when it's bedtime, as it kind of moves the focus to a neutral party.
Good luck!

thanks for your ideas... i really like the idea of offering an extra bedtime story if very good... this may help smooth getting out of bath and into pajamas...

yes he may be ready to be left, with a book and nightlight, and very frequent checks.. will try that when i am feeling brave!!!

until then i will call on all my deepest reserves of patience and unconitional mamatilly love!

thankyou x

You have my sympathies as well.

Luckily for us, DD has a very unhealthy fear of Wee Willy Winky and goes to bed quickly on her own, though she has started looking out the window for extended periods of time... presumably hoping to catch a glimpse of the fellow in question.

I'm actually very breezy and dismissive of any of her tactics - she knows exactly what she's doing.

"I can't sleep" - you don't have to sleep, just be quiet.

"I keep waking up" - (after 2 minutes) that's fine, just shut your eyes again

"I'm hungry" - well think about what you want for your breakfast

I just walk away at any sign of tantrum, and it can be over any of the things you mentioned, or unmatched pyjamas, the 'wrong' book. I don't have the energy to deal with bedtime tempers and hope that the routine gets her asleep the majority of the time, despite her best efforts to test me.