What sanctions/carrots can we use for a 6 yr old?

[catkinq]

We are really struggling with our 6 yr old boy. He is very bright but also very "head strong". He appears to want to be good, and loves praise etc and is very affectionate. The problem is that he goes through life comletely fixated on what he wants to do and it is almost impossible to get him to deviate from this and/or back down. Most of the time what we want him to do (eg get ready for school) is not what he wants to do. He simply refuses. We are running out of sanctions. There isn't anything that he values above not backing down. My daughter cannot have friends back from school unless we remove him because he tries to hit them. Putting himn in his room just means that he trys to kick his way out. Any suggestions gratefully received! We have tried takin gpocket money off him but this doesn't work - he knows that we will feed adn clothe him so isn't that bothered. he has a DS which we have been removing but even that didn't really bother him. He just spent a few hours screaming/makin gour lives hell adn then lost interest in his DS and just got on without it. We've tried letting him choose what to do etc but he's just not that bothered. Nothing seems to matter as much as not backing down. Thanks in advance

well my suggestion isn't usually popular but still..i recommend alfie kohn's book. total opposite of sticks and carrots, but as that isn't working for you anyway maybe worth a go..

Have you tried introducing him to the joys of the Lego web site???? There's a game on there you can use as a reward. It's completely safe, no internet chat (apart from the usual 'can I have a brick' which is all on a set-drop down system IYSWIM. They can build a page. Ds was hooked until he found runescape (don't go there, sooo addictive). He could earn stickers/coins for 10 minutes play??

If he's affectionate have you tried the 'it makes mummy so sad when you....'? Sometimes a lack of attention can work aswell. Just don't talk or look at him.

Thank you for the suggestions - we've tried the Alfie Kohn approach and do like it - the main problems are roads - he keeps runnign into them - not thrill seeking, just will not differenciate between road adn pavement (claims that he was not run over last time so will no tbe this time) and he will not tolerate our dd having friends for tea (even if he has friends too). He says he will "kil them" and spends the whole time trying to hit them. We hit the same problems with the lack of attention but will check out teh lego site