Hi all,
and thanks for clicking on this. I am looking for honest feedback even if it is "against" me because this is super important.
I am a single mum sharing a house with another single mum. My daughter is six and her son is four.
The thing with the kids is that the other mum -Sarah- says my daughter -Anna- bosses her son -Thomas- around too much. Thomas adores Anna and quite happily lets her take lead when they are playing. Eg. Anna will suggest they play a car race and then she will let Thomas decide which out of two cars he can have instead of all the cars -she'll usually have some logical reason for these- then Thomas will want to start the race from under the table instead of from the start line Anna had in mind and she will somehow get him to agree that it is a good idea to start from the line etc etc.... and yes... looking at it you can either think that she is completely bossy or that it is just the age difference and the only way she can play with him (his play is very chaotic compared to hers). Sarah is convinced that this is because Anna has been going through so much with the break-up of my ex and me and she has picked up on the controlling nature of my ex.... and I don't know what to think, I think yes, she is definitely trying to play with him but finding it hard when he is so much more babyish about things and this is why she ends up constantly giving instruction... Sometimes it turns into some argument -not often at all- and Thomas may hit her or scream (like he screams when he doesn't get his way with grown-ups)... which makes Anna withdraw; she'll start to ignore him altogether or try and find a room where she can be alone. Then Sarah will say that she is being mean because she is not responding to Thomas (like a grown-up would)... and I feel sorry for Anna because she is trying hard to be with him but sometimes it gets too much. But yes, it is true that she very much tries to get the play to go a certain way. I am trying to get her to understand that Thomas should be given freedom to make his own choices (however babylike) and obviously am trying to understand Sarah and do what I can but it's all quite complicated. I think that the fact that Thomas really likes Anna and always talks about her and misses playing with her must mean that things aren't very serious but they certainly seem serious when Sarah's reaction is so extreme.... I've never seen Thomas to be particularly skilled with other children; he is an only child with the idea that he should have his own way (on a bad day I'd go as far as to think that it's a belief supported by the methods Sarah rears him)... but it's true that Anna is dominant as well, even with children at school where she is running the secret club. Perhaps she needs a shrink. I DON'T KNOW.
Despite all of this, Sarah and me are in good terms and wanting to find solutions and really like each other. It's just that the children don't get along that well.
We have a temporary lodger who has the room below the kitchen and particularly the mornings can be difficult when we try to keep the children quiet so the lodger can sleep.
The thing is, I really don't want to give up with it - I'm certain there are solutions if we try to find them.
Please, please let me/us have soem honest feedback, what ever it is.
thanks