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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Bedtime - Somebody help me please!

41 replies

FickleFairy · 25/05/2009 20:09

Hi All,

My 26 month old has been causing myself and my husband a nightmare at bedtime for approx 4 months now. He has always been really good and we have never had to sit with him whilst he falls asleep, rock him etc, Just always lay him down in cot or bed, given him his dummy and comfort blanket, put his music on and walked away.

However, for about the last 4 months every single bed time is becoming so stressful. He just constantly gets out of his bed to play/strip off/stand at door crying and we have to put him back to bed around 20 - 30 times a night. I have tried to do it the Supernanny way since day 1 - 1st time put him back to bed with a cuddle and kiss, 2nd time just a cuddle and 3rd time onwards no speaking and no eye contact etc but it just isn't working. I think part of the problem is when he hears us coming he races to get into his bed and almost always gets in before we get there and thinks it's one big game. I have also tried just leaving him to get on with it but I swear he would play all night.

I am at my wits end and tonight resorted to taking his dummy and comfort blanket off him just to get a reaction, which upset him, and when I gave them him back and told him he could have them but he had to stay in bed he agreed but then within approx 2 mins was back out of bed. Now before you all say it, I know in my rational mind I cannot reason with a 2 year old and I also know the above was not a good thing to do, but like I say, I am at my wits end with it all and believe me rational has gone out of the window!

It just doesn't matter how tired he is, it is the same story every night.

Any advice would be sooooooo appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 19:58

Very interesting thread. DD is getting to the size where we will need to take the side off her cotbed before she jumps and I am dreading it. At the moment she sleeps like a dream and I have been worrying what you do with the little devils tykes if they get up. Because they're just going to, aren't they...

cruisemum1 · 29/05/2009 22:10

lbb - your lo is sooo tiny. they do go through a major sleep shift at this age. my ds was horrendous from 4 - 8 mths. Used to take 2 hours to settle (not fair on dd) and then would wake 1.5 - 2 hourly to be bf back to sleep. I had to to cc in the end which went against my every instinct but it did pay off after a few nights and i was utterly desperate. I totally understand your anger and frustration. the worst of it is teh guilt that follows . He is not doing it to wrap you round his finger he is just being a baby. Same as my 2 yo but still incredibly frustrating and anger inducing all the same. sleep tight , cruise

cruisemum1 · 29/05/2009 22:11

LTOS - KEEP THE COT!!!!!!!

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 22:22

Thanks will do

littleboyblue · 30/05/2009 03:42

cruise Yes, I know. It's sometimes hard to remember that, especially as ds1 is also having trouble at bedime now, so there's crying from all angles. This shall pass

cruisemum1 · 30/05/2009 15:56

afternoon all. I do hope your evenings were not too badly disrupted last night (and same goes for tonight). ds settled after about 30 mins the was awake from around 11:30 - 12:30am refusing to let me go. sooo annoying as I try to not let him wake dd with his crying so end up doing anything to keep him quiet. I stayed with him until he was almost asleep and then left the room - guess what.....? He woke as soon as I opened the door to leave . This is defo not the way forward but I don't know wht is. He is really knackered tody and we have been out at a big park in teh sunshine for hours. He should be grateful to see his bed tonight

Original poster

FickleFairy · 30/05/2009 20:41

LTOS - My DS was fine at first in his bed, in fact the first night he was in a bed I literally set up camp outside his room, with book, mobile phone, drink etc as was expecting a nightmare night but he never got out of bed and didn't play up too much for a long time really.

For a few months now I have had to stay upstairs and around about for about half hour as he gets up around 4-8 times but more recently, as you can see from my messages it has got worse. He's never upset, its more a mischief thing, he wants to play and then races to get back in bed before I get chance to actually put him back to bed.

However, tonight I tried a different approach, and it worked!! I am not convinced it is a long term winner but Britains Got Talent was on and a cool glass of wine was calling me!

I put him to bed and read his story then gently stroked his head and talked through what we had done that day (as normal upto now) then I walked out of the room but left the door slightly ajar so that I could see through the hinge part. He knows I sometimes lurk there and always looks to see, he went to get up and I said very firmly to lie down as it was bed time, and he lay down, and although I lurked for a further 10 minutes, and he kept glancing to see if I was there, he never got up again and was asleep within 10 mins! Result! And a much more chilled out mummy!

OP posts:

LovelyTinOfSpam · 31/05/2009 00:32

Wow FF sounds like a result!

i will be back to check all this again when DD moves from her cotbed...

cruisemum1 · 31/05/2009 21:54

i tried something new too and it seemed to work so far....... I put ds to bed as normal after bath, story etc. then I told him i was going to tidy playroom and then I would come back. I returned after a couple of mins. I repeated this about four times giving a different reason each time and returning as i had said i would. He lasted about 10 mins and was fast asleep! . I thought it was just a flook as he had been shattered. I did the same this evening - said i would be back in a min or so. It took longer this evening as he was not quite so exhausted but no tears, I went back about 5 times spanning 20 mins but it worked. I will defo keep doing this. I hope it is not just a flook. So much calmer for him and I. I guess he needs reassuring. Bless his heart

cruisemum1 · 01/06/2009 18:23

i must be talking to myself here

LovelyTinOfSpam · 01/06/2009 21:54

Gotcha cruise thanks for the tip!

Will def add it to my list for when DD is released from behind her bars...

cruisemum1 · 02/06/2009 08:45

LTOS third night in a row that it has worked. Bit of a pain in the bum but so much calmer now that he knows I am coming back each time.

fruitstick · 02/06/2009 09:52

I'm cut and pasting this from a thread I started this morning (should have checked that there wasn't one already)

DS1 is 3 and never that keen on going to sleep. However, since we moved house at Easter things have become unbearable. It also coincided with new baby.

He's always had a stairgate at his door and he either jumps on the bed forever or stands at the stairgate and throws all of his toys over it.

I tried a sticker chart with special trips out on a Saturday but the novelty's worn off and I'm sick of drawing sad faces.

I've confiscated all the toys he's thrown but he doesn't care. I told him he couldn't watch tv if he had an unhappy bedtime but he didn't care about that either,

I've tried talking to him about why he doesn't want to go to sleep but he won't say. He is very articulate and understandas what we want from him but as soon as storytime and his songs are over it's like a switch is flicked.

I fear we have built it up to much into an issue that he has power over. I tempted to chuck the sticker chart and just not mention it again, just keep calmly taking the toys away.

Anyone got any ideas? I've discovered I'm not that comfortable with the threat/reward thing as would like him to do things for its own reason ifswim (don' we all wink.

Any suggestions welcome.

fruitstick · 02/06/2009 09:53

Cruise I used to do that and it used to work, but now he just gets straight back up and follows me to the door. I've tried saying I won't come back until he's lying down and that doesn't work either.

cruisemum1 · 02/06/2009 20:03

fruitstick - noooooo! don't say that!!! so sorry to hear you are having problems. I am hoping against all hope that this is a little blip

fruitstick · 02/06/2009 20:34

cruisemum, it really did work. But the combination of new baby, new nursery and new house all in the space of a few months has been too much for DS1. He's coped brilliantly but bedtimes have borne the brunt of it.

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