how old were your dc when you started insisting on table manners?

[deaconblue]

Ds is 3. I currently insist on no chucking food, no spitting, sitting at the table until we've all finished eating, asking nicely to leave the table, wiping hands and face after eating.
I am currently ignoring the fact that he eats with his fingers even though he can use a fork and spoon perfectly well as we've had awful battles over getting him to eat a range of foods and he is finally eating well every meal time.
When did you go zero tolerance on bad manners?

It all depends... I had problems with DS1's eating, he was a really poor eater so as long as the food was getting pass his lips I'd be happy. Now, at 3.5, he has started to eat better, larger portions, asking for more, trying new stuff, so I insist more on improving his general behaviour at the table. Where as DS2 is a very good eater, and at 2 is already eating with fork. If he can't 'pick' it with the fork he lifts the food up with fingers, stabs it with fork, and puts it in his mouth, it's hillarious.

I really try to make mealtime enjoyable for all of us, and having a zero tolerance is out of the question. I would like them to start staying in their chair untill we're all finished, but it will be a progressive approach instead of a zero tolerance.

My DD 4.5 can eat with knife and fork and we use the now you're 4 you can eat with a knife and fork all the time - unless of course it's finger food. My DS who's 2.5 is allowed to use fingers for meals but we try encourage using a fork but not a knife as yet.

They both have to try some of everything and if they want pudding (fruit etc) then they must have made a good effort for main course.
They are not allowed to get down from the table till we have all finished and we have always done this, though to be honest they take the longest as they chat quite a bit.

We're lucky and they've never thrown food etc and I think as we've always had at least one adult eating with them at every meal it's helped them to do mealtimes sensibly and they know no different. In fact they look quite horrified if we have lunch with someone else and the child doesn't do this. (Like my 6 yr old cousin who is still fork feed by her mother and then allowed to wander off and play)

I think you can set the rules and as long as everyone sticks by them and doesn't make them seem a huge problem it will work.

I found mealtimes and car journeys just hell...it wasnt really table manners more just unruley behaviour...both situations seem to be a time for conflict ...maybe it is the confined space...my children are very physical...maybe it was attention seeking...who would get noticed...also they used to row with each other...I used to find it all very depressing as I had made a nice meal and my expectations were of a nice time around the table like the waltons...things are better now...car journeys can be shit through...I would like to invent a long car with ONE seat per row!

My DD is 3.4 and we praise highly when she eats well i.e. sits nicely, uses the cutlery, doesn't spit/gag etc. Gentle reminders when she doesn't 'perform' well . She gets complimented a lot on her table manners, don't know if it is part luck or approach - who knows.

My dad was very strict at the table and I don't want to be that bad but on the other hand nice table manners are pleasant for everyone.