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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

ADVICE PLEASE.. MIN AGE FOR GOING INTO TOWN WITH FRIENDS..

20 replies

discoball · 25/05/2009 19:28

Hi,

Any advice on the following would be very much appreciated:
My DS is 11 (will be 12 in 2 months) and was due to go for a sleepover at a friend's house tomorrow - the mum has said maybe she could drop them off in town (we live in a small town, it's not too busy) and let them go round, maybe buy some sweets, have a look in a few shops, etc, before she picks them up... I must admit I hadn't even thought about my DS going into town before now and I really don't know whether to say it's okay or not. a) Do you think he's too young? b) his road sense isn't fantastic (it's not too bad either, though), so that worries me, although I suppose if he doesn't have the opportunity to experience town/roads etc on his own then he'll never develop the skills!, - just need some advice really - don't want to be over-protective but at the end of the day he is my son and the decision is ultimately down to me!! Thank you so much to anyone who replies (before tomorrow please!)

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pinkteddy · 25/05/2009 19:35

Presume he is at secondary school? Most of the kids round here seem to walk themselves to school once they are in secondary school. Do you still take him to school?

Haven't got kids that age myself but would think I would be letting them make short journeys on their own by then. As you say they need to learn how to develop the skills and also general risk management. How well do you know the friend's mum?

Original poster

discoball · 25/05/2009 19:43

Hi, Pinkteddy

Thanks for your reply - yes, he's at secondary school (y7), but it's too far for him to walk so he takes the school minibus. His mum is very nice and I know her quite well as our 2 sons were friends at primary school, and I don't think she's the sort of person who would take unncessary risks. I'm starting to subscribe to the view that you have to let them have their freedom at some point and let them learn/develop, so do feel a bit happier about it. Thanks for not implying I was a paranoid/overprotective mum!! Just a caring, bit of a worrier mum!!! Thanks again.

OP posts:

slummybutyummy · 25/05/2009 20:04

Hi disco ball, I have a son the same age and he first went into town at the end of year 6. I did it a bit earlier than I wanted to as I was keen for him to go in with friends I trusted rather than new ones at secondary who I didn't know. We live in quite a big town.

Do you trust your DS and his friend to be sensible together? If you have any doubts I would make an excuse that you have something on tomorrow but they can go next weekend - that will save face for your DS.

Then I would go in with your DS, making sure he knows all the road names and bus routes etc. Give him an emergency £10 for a taxi.

If you do let him go tomorrow make sure he is happy with rules (e.g. text at certain
time). He will be fine and will LOVE the freedom! Be prepared for them buying lots of pverpriced badges/keyrings etc though!

Good luck - it's hard letting them go - mine is my PFB so expect it will get easier with DS2.

cornsilk · 25/05/2009 20:05

No actually 11/12

islandofsodor · 25/05/2009 20:05

At that age my dd would be at secondary school whichis in the middle of the town centre and the children go into town at lunchtimes anyway so I would have no problem.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 25/05/2009 20:09

Just lurking as I am a reluctant letter-outer too. Could I hijack a teeny bit and ask what age you also let your kids have a mobile phone? These days the two - more freedom and having a phone - seem to go together?

ZipadiSoozi · 25/05/2009 20:15

mobile phone was 10, when off byself, so I could keep tag on him and he could phone if needed me!

town on bus was 12.7 - better with just one friend, more than that they get silly, well mine does!

ZipadiSoozi · 25/05/2009 20:15

mobile phone was 10, when off byself, so I could keep tag on him and he could phone if needed me!

town on bus was 12.7 - better with just one friend, more than that they get silly, well mine does!

hard to let go though [blush

Portillista · 25/05/2009 20:18

At the moment, I can't imagine ever letting my DCs out on their own even when they're 18!

However, I remember my mum letting me go to town with a friend on the bus for the first time when I was 11. We lived in a village about five miles from the nearest city (which is a big city - not London-type big, but in the top 6), so I was very excited by that!

Wilts · 25/05/2009 20:25

Ds1 is 12 and yr7. He has been into town a few times now. He always has his mobile on him and the first time he went I wrote the different number buses he could get home and put them in his wallet!

We did have a tiny issue last week went Ds and friends ventured over to our local ice rink, I got a phone call asking how to get back into town but I told them to look at the timetable and they got there ok

herbietea · 25/05/2009 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Slambang · 25/05/2009 20:33

Another 12 yr old ds here.
He first went in to town with friends in yr 6. Strict instructions of how far he can/ can't go and what he can/can't do. Seemed all mums pretty much agreed on the boundaries so ds found his friends all had very similar rules.

A year later and itsnot such a big deal - the novelty seems to have worn off (and the pocket money has been spent).

letswiggle · 25/05/2009 21:14

Secondary school. That's when I started going to central london on the tube on my own (to go to school). I would say at 11 they should be OK. I'd get the phone at the same time.

slummybutyummy · 25/05/2009 21:43

Mine was also 10 when he got a mobile. I planned to do it at secondary transfer but it was really useful in allowing him a bit more freedom before that and me a bit of peace of mind!

PuppyMonkey · 25/05/2009 21:48

Another 12 year old dd who's just been allowed to go into town a couple of times. One time, we gave her a lift in, I showed her where all the bus stops were etc and she and her friend caught the bus back. This was a big step for me as I am Mrs Very Very Very Overprotective. They godda learn though!!!

Original poster

discoball · 25/05/2009 22:22

Hi, All

Many thanks to each and every one of you who has responded - very helpful, constructive advice and nice to know I'm not the only one who's a bit cautious!! Slummybutyummy, great advice, thanks. Luckily my DS is very sensible, so no worries there and his friend is sensible, too. He already has a mobile, has had one since starting secondary school and will have this with him - knows all relevant numbers, etc. It is hard to know when to step back, isn't it?! Just to end on a light note, my Dad still insists I give him "3 rings" when I get home when I drive home from their house to mine - it's about 9 miles!!!! Still, should be glad he cares! Spot of genetics coming in, perhaps?!! Bye, all and thanks again.

OP posts:

katiek123 · 26/05/2009 09:43

LOL re your dad disco - that's very sweet! i am lurking with interest - DD only 8 but i'm starting to think ahead

pinkteddy · 26/05/2009 20:20

"3 rings!" I thought I was the only one whose parents did that. My mums still says - I'll give you 3 rings when I'm leaving...!

Original poster

discoball · 26/05/2009 20:51

katiek123, thanks for message, yes my dad is very nice! Nothing wrong with thinking ahead!
pinkteddy - yes, "3 rings" is very popular in our family! but better to be around people who care,eh?!
By the way, DS went into town today!!! He phoned me tonight and was full of it and I'm so glad I let him - of course he bought lots of sweets etc, but he thoroughly enjoyed himself - I think as well as giving my DS confidence, it has also given me the confidence to "let go" a little!! Thanks to everyone again. LOL

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