5 year old ds in trouble at school today

[sidey]

When I fetched my 5yr old ds from school today I was faced with a very unhappy teacher. My son had punched another child in the mouth making it bleed and throughout the day has pushed children over etc.

My ds is not an angel but is boisterous which I think comes from being with friends who are boisterous

He doesn't actually seem bothered by what he has done so I have told him to stay in his bedroom after we got home from school

How do I stop this behaviour and what do I do now with him. I feel I need to punish him but if I take toys etc off him, which I have done in the past, he isn't bothered

Have you seen this type of behaviour from him? If so, what do you do?

There is a difference between boisterous and aggression. Punching and pushing children is aggressive. Your ds needs to learn this. Make sure you have an appropriate punishment for him (no smacking as he'll only copy this and it sends mixed messages). Also talk to the school and find out how they punish.

If you work with the school you should come up with something.

I find that sitting them very still facing the wall for 5mins is quite a good punishment. And making sure they apologise too. Is it worth getting the number of the other mum and apologising to her? Even getting your ds on the phone? If he sees that he has to take responsibility for his actions, that'll make him think twice.

Make sure the punishment fits the crime.

What were your plans for the weekend? I would consider cancelling any activities or trips you had planned and keep him in.
Punching another child in the mouth is really serious and merits a harsh penalty imo.

We didn't have any plans for the weekend. So far I have kept asked him to stay in his room with no telly and taken his ds off him. I have told him he can come down for his dinner then he goes back upstairs. This is all new to me as he never has done anything this bad before.

Have you spoken to him? Asked him why he punched the boy? Talk to him and ask him how he would feel if someone punched, you, for instance.

It's often very useful if you illustrate examples, not by asking them how it feels if it happened to them, but how it would feel if it happened to someone they love. Children can't think about anything happening to them personally, but they do feel emotions about those around them. So if it would make him upset to see someone he loved get punched, ask how that little boys mum must feel. Tell him how horrible it is to make people feel sad and angry.

But if there is a next time, make sure he takes responsibility by approaching the child in question, and making your ds apologise both to them and their parent.

Thanks Rhubarb. I have tried talking to him but just hope he has listened and learnt and remembers for when he goes back to school. It s a shame because his closest friends are all very rough and tumble as well but its teaching them how far to go before it is unacceptable, and thats the bi thats hard.

I was summoned for a chat with the teacher when DS was about this age. He and his best friend had punched two of their classmates. I was horrified. Friend was inclined to be a little bugger, and I knew that ds disliked the two victims (for no reason I could see). It was a unprovoked attack.

We had a long discussion with DS about how completely unacceptable it was to hit other children. When pushed, he said it was the other child's idea (which given previous form I believed) and that they had done it in a spirit of curiosity to see what would happen . Another friend had been invited to join in, and had steadfastly refused. I can remember asking ds why he would do such a stupid thing with friend A, when friend B had the sense to see it was not a good idea.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, it has never happened again. It is now 5 years later, and DS is steadfastly against hitting of any kind - won't even retaliate if bullied. I am now rather worried I over-did the sad and shocked mother act!

So, I really don't think your little boy automatically going to make a habit of this after one offence. But probably worth rubbing it well in that you are not too impressed with his behaviour! (Talking to DS's teacher a week or so later, she said that although they have to react at the time, it was actually fairly normal boundary pushing for little boys, but did need to be stamped on then and there to stop it becoming a habit.)

Well if he hasn't done this before then maybe it's a "testing the boundaries" thing and he just needs a good talking to. Hopefully, as with neversaydie, that will be enough.
I would also recommend that you apologise to the other parents, and also get your son to do the same to the other kid (I think he should do it face to face. But you can do it over the phone and explain that you kid will apologise later.)
Well that's what I would do anyway!