Discipline for 20 month old ?

[PoppyField]

Hi,

Our gorgeous 20 mth DD knows very well when she is being naughty.. particular things include bashing the TV, sweeping food onto the floor and making puddles by tipping her beaker upside down around the house.

I think it may be time to have some rules and then some sanction e.g. a naughty step or a 'sin bin' (- we have a playpen which we use as a fireguard at the moment that could be deployed) - but I'm not sure if this is too early or too severe. DD is very verbal and very cheerful most of the time, we have only had a few tantrums...so far.

I am concerned that we don't come down too heavy as she's still young. On the other hand we don't want bad habits established now, especially when she knows exactly what she's doing. I want me and DH to agree what we do and how we do it before embarking on this, so we can at least be consistent.

And is it possible to stay calm and controlled in these situations? Sometimes we do rush around going 'No No No No!!' and doing blue-arsed fly stuff instead, which I know probably gives her the attention she delights in.

Any thoughts and suggestions gratefully received. Thanks,

Poppy

P.s. She's just got a little brother as well, which might be adding spice to the mix. He's 12 weeks old.

I also don't understand the logic that you can't tell your DC not to do something and give a consequence as they may not understand. If you don't tell them, they'll never understand.

oh and now that i did the 'refresh ' button, i ll add that i agree with SYC about 'pick your battles'. keep the 'no' for the dangerous things

I just used to remove whatever it was, or remove them. Calmly say 'no'. It is tiring, but eventually they get the message. You have to be consistent and do it every time. I wouldn't use timeout-she is a baby.

DD is 22 months old and she has really not grasped the whole naughty thing. She knows what mummy means when she says no but she doesn't really make a connection between that and consequences and not doing the same thing again etc. I can see that she doesn't. Until she understands more about what it means to be naughty/do something wrong i don't see any point in giving "structured" punishments - she just won't understand.

Interestingly she is not a very affectionate child and so when I want her to stop doing something I say "stop doing that or mummy will kiss you" and she says "nooooo" and I say yes. Then she does it and I pick her up and give her lots of loud kisses and wave her around and we both end up laughing and by then her attention has moved on from whatever she was doing that was naughty in the first place. I'm not sure that this is an approved technique though

my dd 21m basically refuses to do most things required -stand up/ sit down/ lie still for nappy change/ assist in getting dressed, eat, etc- initially but she's just kind of trying it out it seems. if she refuses to let me dress her or change a nappy, i've started to just say ok fine stay in the poo, or stay cold etc.. and she'll change her mind pretty fast.

for the screaming and throwing herself on floor tantrums i've moved to zero tolerance on as all the distraction techniques were exhausting, i'm 27 wks preg, dh away 6 wks and my back hurts! i started by just putting her outside the door of the room or on the bottom stair and telling her each time 'no screaming, come back when you want to be quiet/ do whatever i'm requiring' and it's worked really well. she now has a few moments a day but i'll point at the door and say go out and come back when you're ready and she does. then we just kiss and carry on doing whatever it was.

I think the challenge is to not give any result at all for tantrums. my grandma advised me never to feed a tantrum with ds1 (nearly 17) and i think it was best advice i ever had

I've used distraction / removing the problem when he's tipping his drink on the floor but when he's hitting me, pulling my hair, throwing things at me (bear in mind I'm pg) etc its harder. I don't think he'd care about being left in a dirty nappy or no clothes though - he just wants to be allowed to play and not have to do the boring things. Whilst I agree with time out not sure if this is the right time with a new baby due any day.

It is harder if you are heavily pregnant-however you need to stop it or he may throw things at the baby when it comes. I would hold his arms firmly by his sides and say 'no-that hurts-poor mummy'-very calmly. It will take time but is worth doing. I wouldn't engage in a tantrum at all but give plenty of attention when it is over-explain that you can't possibly understand what they want if they cry and shout and ask them to tell you nicely and calmly.

Thanks so much for all the advice. Really good to have so many thoughtful responses, just what I needed.

My thoughts now are that I'll wait a few more months before instituting any kind of naughty zone, you've confirmed my instinct that she is still too young. I'll keep trying distraction, while being firm and taking stuff away from her. Bit difficult when I'm feeding the other one, but I can organise things so that she's not got all the tools for chaos when I'm doing that.

I'll see how it goes with the tantrums too...and will try never to feed one!

Ta, Poppy

Oh Poppy, a good thing about being firm and consistent with a count to 3 method is that sometimes it works! So you don't have to get up at all!
If you don't want to get up from feeding simply telling her what she should do can work e.g. Do you think you can put that cup on the table? Most kids love to please you really so you can help her know how.

Failing all, put Something Special on the telly!!!