Nightmares in older children

[WynkenBlynkenandNod]

I have a 10 year old DD who has always been prone to nightmares but the whole thing has reached a whole new level on our return from holiday last month. She was utterly freaked out by the trailer of the film Coraline which she saw at the cinema at Christmas. It freaked her then but not too badly, then kicked off again when she saw it again recently at a friend's house whilst her Mum was watching something.

Shortly after this starting, her piano/maths teacher died unexpectedly. She was very close to her, had been going to her for 4 years, she was a lovely lovely lady who used to help DD with her nightmares, when she occasionally had them before. She had one just before 7am this morning where she dreamed she could see a hand reaching out to grab her from by the door so she couldn't get out of her room. Poor thing was calling out for us, which we didn't hear for ages, to my complete shame (probably as we're so knackered due to hardly any unbroken nights in about 5/6 weeks now, DH off to by a baby monitor so it doesn't happen again.) She was utterly terrified and it took her ages to calm down.

It has reached the stage now where she (and us) is chronically sleep deprived, we've tried everything I can think of and we're off to the GP next week.

Anyone any experience of anything similar in this age group who can give some advice as I am completely out of my depth and could do with hearing of someone who has been through it and come out the other side. Many thanks.

There is a really good book called 'when someone special dies [[ttp://www.priceminister.co.uk/image?action=slideshow&prdfamilycode=100&prdimageid=495632285&produc tid=33919024 here]. its a workbook to help children come to terms with feelings of grief, there is also one in the series called when something unexpected happens or something like that. It allows child to talk about feelings in a really gently way.

this is a lovely book at bereavement but there are lots.

this is quite good

or this

You could ask your gp for a referral to child psychologist but depends on how long their waiting list is. It sounds to me like she needs to talk about something so maybe offering her the opportunity for chats about worries ('im sure you already do this). Don't have these chats before bedtime as it will make her worry more, but maybe after tea or after she gets in from school. Sometimes too much reassurance can make children worry more iyswim. They think that the more reassurance you give, the more reason they must have to be worried.... there is a really good book in she is generally worries a lot about all sorts of stuff. It is here i have used this book a lot and its very good.

HTH

sorry the first book about bereavement is tid=33919024 here

the page is not loading - try this page instead phew

Oh that is great Loulou33, I think two of those look like they will really help.

I do get her to talk about things but I'm not sure I'm handling it very well as I'm so sodding knackered at the moment and I am rubbish when I'm tired. I've tried getting her to draw her fears and set fire to them in the woodburner, dream catchers, talking to her, lavender and hop pillow, soothing music and have run out if ideas.

The last few nights had been better in that she would go to sleep without someone in the room with her. Before that DH would have to sit up there until 9/10pm waiting for her to fall asleep, then we'll be up once or twice in the night with her and she's started wetting the bed which she's never really done before. But then this morning was really horrible, she was so scared poor thing.

She is on the waiting list to see the behavioural support unit as she has a physical condition and the nightmares came up last time she saw the paed, who kindly referred her, but it has all got so much worse since then. I'm hoping the GP might be able to push the referral along a little as it is having a huge impact on all the family except DS who sleeps downstairs and is completely oblivious thank goodness.

Not sure if behavuoural support are the right people imo sa its not a 'behaviour issue' - or maybe behaviour support is different in our area. Do you have a decent clinical psychology service? Your gp should know about that...should be able to request a sooner appointment given how its seems to have got worse recently. Having said that, it may just be a brief 'acute' phase and may get better as fast as it got worse - here's hoping.

Listening to your kids tell you their worries is really hard particularly when you are tired and you just want them to stop worrying/waking up etc. Sounds like you have been doing all the right things but the 'oversoming your child's worries' book is really good for ideas about that...

Its good she can go to sleep on her own and i would persevere with that cos you and dh need some time to yourselves and its easy to let that slip away.

Good luck