routine-loving mums, would you recommend NOT waking the baby at 11 pm for feed?

[Gemzooks]

Did 7 to 7 routine with DS, now attempting 8 to 8 routine with DD (to fit in with DS 2,7 who is now also on 8-8)...

So DD (bf, 8 weeks, feeds and sleeps very well) goes to bed at 8.30 pm ish, and I've been faithfully waking her at around midnight to 12.30 am (which is killing me), feeding her and putting her down between 1 and 1.30.

However, no matter what, she wakes at 5 am, then again at 7 or 8. This is really killing me so by the time the day begins I am really knackered.

So tonight she went down at 8.30pm and I just thought, sod it, I'll see how long she goes, and she only woke at 3.15 am, so slept almost 6 hours, the longest ever.

My question is, should I do this again, just let her wake up herself and feed her, or should I carry on in the well known routine and wake her at midnight? The problem is that because she goes to bed fairly late, 8 pm at the earliest, she's sleepy and not hungry till at least midnight, so I feel I've done one night feed already..

sorry if this is quite garbled, any tips much appreciated!

Hi Gamzooks.

What about trying say a week of feeding only when she wakes at night, and seeing if it works?

Let her sleep- then you will find her natural waking times.
I've never done a dream feed with ds (15 weeks)
I am not slavish about routine though.... but I like having a rough schedule

wow I think you're amazingly lucky to have an 8 week old that only wakes once/twice a night! Make the most of that, you lucky woman. Really, I don't think you realise how unlikely that is. Mine all woke at least 4/5/6 and more times a night until there were about 2. Fed for an half an hour to an hour each time too, I would have killed for once/twice a night. I was exhausted but needs must with 3 children.

My dd is now 7, ds1 5 and ds2 2 but he still wakes at night at times. 7 years and rarely a night of unbroken sleep, you get used to it lol. At 8 weeks I'd bee feeding as an when and stuff the rountine, suits the baby better imo. My children/babies being happy means I'm happy so I'd rather do that than a forced rountine that nweborns aren't meant to be in.

my dd was more like yours, but by 6 weeks she'd last from midnight to 6 am. dh did the midnight feed, so i could go to bed early & still get a proper night's rest. then we both got up at 6., and gradually is slid towards 7.

i would also give it a week to see how 'routine 2' (ie feed at 3 am) works for you. it's about what suits you & your family.

how hungry is she when she wakes at 12, or 3, or 5? do you get the impression that she could go longer, so waking her is unnecessary, or is she screaming for a feed? like i say, dd just dropped her 4 am feed quite early, by herself. one morning i just woke up & realised we'd slept through. so, from 6 weeks to about 3 months, she did a feed about 11 (went down at 7 pm), then next one at 6 - 7 am. dh liked doing the late night feed so much, he carried on doing it even when she was just a sleepy bundle in his arms.

My DS slept through from 6 weeks and I agonised over whether to wake him to feed. I asked my HV and she said not to let him go longer than 6 hours. So, I woke him once, immediately felt bad for doing so and didn't do it again. I think as long as a baby isn't prem, is a good weight and putting on weight then leaving them to wake naturally for a feed is ok.

thanks all!

well I regretted it cos she woke at 3.15 and fed, then was up again at 5 am as always! and then my DS woke her up at 7! grrrr!

I think if I could get her to bed by 7.30 it might be easier, then I could wake her at 11 and she would be hungry.. will give that a try.

I am grateful that they're both such good sleepers, but I put it down to routine, that's why I'm so anxious to get it right...

I was a bit of a routine freak and gave mine dream feeds (at 10.30ish) from whenever they stopped waking for feeds (12 weeks iirc) until they were weaned.

Both were ff by this stage, if that makes a difference.

how much does she sleep during the day? my dd 'worked' best if i managed her sleep during the day & didn't let her nap after 3. so from 3 to 6 she was awake, feed at 6, then bath & bed, asleep about 6.30 - 7.
woke her at 11 for a feed & dh used to play with her for a bit, then she would sleep from midnight til 6 or even 7 am.

is there any chance of expressing milk & your dp giving her a late night feed, so you can go to bed earlier? at this satge dh & i slept in different rooms so he could do the late shift & i could do early without disturbing each other.

I never woke any of mine
to start with they fed early evening then midnight 2am 4am up btw 6am - 7am
then they dropped the midnight feed themselves and woke 2am and 4am
gradually the 2am and 4am feeds merged so they just fed once
by the time they were 12 weeks ish they slept 7pm - 6am or thereabouts give and take the odd nightamre night

I think it depends on your baby. Waking mine at 11pm never helped at all so I stopped bothering, but I do know people who swear by it.

I am a routine fan and dream feeds never worked for ds.

i never did the dream feed with dd2 and she started sleeping a good 9 - 10 hour stretch at 4.5 weeks, then at about 4 months did 6.30 - 7 - 7.30 am with no feeds at all.

if i have another, i won't be doing the dream feed!

I suppose I demand fed, but definitely had a nap routine, and a bedtime routine. Dreamfeeding unless babyled, did not work for me. I found it easier to stick with that feed at 1.00am or 3.00am in morning and have a long stretch of peace from 7.30 till then. Babies did then feed very well at 3.00 and tended to sleep till 7.00 or even 8.00am Eventually the dcs did drop the 3.00am feed (9 months?) Mind you at 8 weeks my little ones were waking at least 3 times from 7.30, it's only later this applies.
Isn't there a theory about what is known as the CORE NIGHT, where the baby has a long stretch of uninterrupted sleep which gradually increases from when it is first put down in evening, and this should not be tampered with? Or am I out of date on this...

I think the trouble is some babies comply with the routine and others don't!

My DS1 did a routine from about 8 weeks - I used to wake him fully for a feed at 11/12ish but he would then sleep throuugh till 6/7am - he dropped the feed at 4 months and slept through BUT my DS2 did NOT follow the same book!!

I tried everything dreamfeeds/wake to sleep/waking him fully/co-sleeping etc etc he finally slept through at about 12 months but spent the next 6 months always waking at 5am!

Not much help but just wanted to say they are all different - do what get's you through and don't beat yourself up about it.

Routines worked well for me. I put my Dss to bed with what would eventually be the 'final' feed at 7.00pm from birth. I never woke my DSs and I found that the natural 10pm feed just became later and later and later until it became the 7.00am feed, having pushed the other feeds out of the way as it went! Good luck!

thanks, some interesting insights!

I would have no probs putting her down at 7 pm and waking her at 10.30, it's just that with the 2 kids I cannot get her down and asleep before 8 or more like 8.30, then it makes the 'late feed' really late, like midnight or 1 am, I find it hard to face getting her up so late.

She wakes at 5 am like a robot, coincides with sunrise (we're in Holland), sure it's the light, can't get our room any darker etc etc. DS was an autumn baby and so it was dark mornings and evenings which I'm sure helps.

I'm so horrifically knackered after last night, normally if I put her down at 1 am at least that's it till 5 am. that I think I will try to find ways to get her to bed earlier and wake at 11 pm. oh dear! She has naps in the day, try to make them right but I just can't always otherwise the older one would never get a decent outing anywhere.

You could try putting the baby to bed long before your eldest, at 6.30 pm. That would be one way of changing the feed times, ie: she would feed at 10.30 instead of 12.30.
Or you could abandon the concept of putting the baby to bed at "bedtime" for a while, and just put her to bed at when you go, say at 9.30, then wait till she wakes at about 3-4. That would be a non-routiney sort of arrangement where the baby just hangs out with you in the evenings until she's a bit older.

I think waking them teaches to sleep in short bursts rather than letting them find their own cycle.

Dreamfeeds never changed anything for us.

I am a fan of routines, but never woke either of my two for a dreamfeed. They went to bed at 7ish and I let them find their own pattern, I found that they slept right through earlier than friends' babies who were woken for a feed as they got used to that feed iyswim. HTH

oh dear, don't know what to do now! Last night I woke her at 11.30, she was down at 12.30 and slept till 5.30 which I was very happy with! then had 10 min guzzle and down again till 8 am. I can definitely survive like that..

OMG, she slept through! woke her again at 11.30, down at 12.30 and she slept till 7.30.

probably jinxed myself now by posting this and she will never do it again

thanks for all the tips!

I used to do fairly strict routine with 11.30 ish feed, but put dd to bed earlier at 5.30-6.00. I carried on until I think almost 6 months, which was killing me too! Was wondering about stopping, but was getting such good rest after she went to bed, and then right through from 1.00 till 7 or 8 easily - from 5 weeks!. One day then I slept through and she didn't wake up! She continues to sleep a good 12 hours each night from bedtime of abot 7pm - now is 13 months. Ds due in September, hoping to do the same again, as much as I can given that they will be sharing a room...my mum is stilll appalled that I ever woke her from sleep to feed, but she seemed to thrive on the routine and the regular sleep. It may have helped that I expressed as much as I could to boost supply and me or dd would give her the 6pm bottle of ebm and used to give her a good 6oz, which seeemed to settle her better than the smaller amount she got at that time if I breastfed - supply dropped off markedly then whatever I did. Would express a little after she went to bed, and boobs would have recovered after a good dinner, plenty of water, and maybe small glass of wine , to give her a good feed at 11-midnight.

Not everyone's ideal, I know, but it worked for us - good luck!

We used to do a 6.30pm feed, wake for a 10.30pm feed (sometimes they would sleep right through that but still take a bottle of expressed milk) and then from about 12 weeks they both went through until about 7am from there. Before that I think they used to wake about 5am ish..

It is a killer at the time, but establishing a routine early on has really paid off and we've never had sleep issues with either ds. Good luck!