That's it. I am officially At The End Of My Tether with DS's destructive behaviour. Someone please help me find a way of stopping it?

[MmeLindt]

He will be 5yo in July.

This morning he has bashed a brolly till it broke.

Then he tore the foam covering off DD's scooter, she only just got it in April for her birthday. I am pretty sure it is not replacable.

I am sooooooo angry with him.

Especially as he seemed to be getting better. We started a pasta jar thingy last week. He started with 9 bits of pasta and now has 15 bits of pasta. (earned when doing something good like setting the table, getting dressed etc and taken away for not doing what he was told)

He has in the past drawn on furniture/walls/floor/bed. He is not allowed to draw or use scissors unsupervised.

What can I do?

And what would be an appropriate punishment? I have sent him to his room just to get him out of my sight.

mmmmm... do you know why he does it or the trigger points Mme Lindt? Is it when he's bored? tired? upset?
4 is still very little and I always found the pasta jar a good way of dealing with this sort of thing. That and the mummy is very disappointed speech.
Have you tried the naughty step?

Hi I don't know if he has any particular difficulties but he is still very young.

What do you think the cause of his behaviour is related to?

jealousy of little sister?
unhappy at nursery/school?
unclear boundaries ?

Have you tried distracting and accentuating the good things and star charts he fills in himself ~ sorry if you have already tried these.
Try not to be angry,to diffuse the tension from the situation,decide on an approach and stick to it.

Punishment? to say sorry and pasta out of the jar.
Good luck

This is very frustrating and we face it too. I can't even do the room thing as ds either a) refuses to stay or, much worse b) throws his stuff around in anger and damages it.

I do find lack of sleep and hunger to be the main triggers. I haven't found a good way of dealing with. My only advice is be consistent, even if it feels as though you are not getting through. It will pass and calm will resume after a few days or weeks (!!)

x posts!
If he gets upset easily and has strong feelings but doesn't articulate them well,tell him at a quiet moment that when he is upset to come to you for a cuddle to help him feel better.

I am not sure what the triggers are. Some of it is, I think, boredom with a bit of "oh, how does that work" thrown in.

It is definitely a bit of attention seeking as well.

I will take the pasta out of the jar, but the latest one (DD's scooter), it just seems not enough.

The scooter still can be used, but we will have to find replacement foam which I am not sure is possible.

Going out now, promised DD that I would take her to the beach this morning but will check back later.

Thanks for the suggestions so far.

So is he in reception?
Is everything ok at school?

Thinking back, both my boys were quite difficult in that first year of school. I think the strain of trying to behave all day, coupled with sheer exhaustion made them quite antsy.
It was silly destructive behaviour as well.
I think you need to stay really calm and consistent Mme Lindt (easier said than done I know).
I did use the naughty step as well but they were happy enough to sit there, well, not happy but would do it.
The benefit of that is that it gives you a good 5 mins of talking and cuddling at the end. A chance to find out why, what's bothering them, how they're feeling. It might be worth a go if you haven't tried it.

He has had a lot of changes in the last 6 months but how long can I use that as an excuse for his behaviour?

We moved to Switzerland, new house, new friends, started school, learning French.

Another Scottish family recently moved to the village and he gets on well with the boy.

Have tried speaking to him to find out whybut he cannot or will not say.

blimey Mme, that is a lot of changes for a 4 yr old.
I'm sure this will settle down with time. In the meantime, try not to get stressed, praise and reward for good behaviour and be firm with the behaviour you don't like. But I'm sure you know all that

I think your little boy has been through a lot of changes for a 4YO and is probably feeling unsettled. And at 4, it's probably just not possible for him to articulate how he is feeling to you.

If I were you (and I know how tricky it can be when they're being difficult, I have an almost 4YO boy myself) I would try to focus on the positive. Spend lots of time playing with him, cuddling him, chatting with him and giving him lots of positive attention. Try and get him to express how he is feeling when he is naughty and work on eliminiating the cause: e.g. if he is tired have a sit down and a rest together, or a snack if he's hungry. It doesn't mean you shouldn't discipline when he is naughty, e.g. he needs to know breaking his sister's toy has consequences, but hopefully if you can focus on the positive you can start to eliminate the negative.

I found "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen to be an interesting read on dealing with discipline issues for pre-schoolers.

Fay and Ingles
I know, and I am making allowances for all the changes in his life, but there does come a time when I have to call a halt.

He was ok over the last few days, at least no more destruction. We spent a lot of time together as the schools were off.