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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am I making a rod for my own back?

17 replies

NBM · 19/05/2009 23:02

I have a 9 week old DD and a 7 and 4 year old. I am happy to go with the flow and not really that fussed about routines. My DD mostly co-sleeps, breast feeds when she wants, is picked up a fair bit etc.

I do try and put her in her bedside cot when I go to bed and sometimes in the night but if we are all happy then that is fine. However, I have been wondering if I should be adding more structure? Everyone I meet seems to be very keen on routine.

What do MN'etters think?

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Twims · 19/05/2009 23:03

I like to have a routine - but know that most MNers will say just go with the flow etc.

I don't think you're making a rod for your back, but would have a think about routine to make your life a little easier.

lisad123 · 19/05/2009 23:04

i think do what works for you, if its working and it causing you or kids any stress leave it. She'll soon be off once she can sit up and walk, so enjoy it while you can

lisad123 · 19/05/2009 23:06

btw we have quite a strict routine in our house, but strongly believe everyone needs to whats best for them.

Original poster

NBM · 19/05/2009 23:07

Thanks lisa that is what I think. She is my last so I just want to enjoy her as much as I can and I feel that going with the flow is making my life easier too!

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littleboyblue · 19/05/2009 23:09

I had a very strict routine with ds1. Now that I also have a ds2, I find I'm a bit more relaxed. We have set bedtimes and bath times, and ds1 has set meal times, and I do housework at the same time everyday (ish) and we are at the supewrmarket the same time every day, but most of this wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened. IO think you have to do whatever you and your family are happy with.
With ds1, I felt at the time that he would benefit from the stucture and security of a routine. Now I see that he isn't very diverse (if that's the right word), he doesn't like it when things are out of pattern. Not to a huge extreme or anything, but he will pull the highchair across the room and sit in it at midday. so if he doesn't get lunch then, he gets quite worked up

lisad123 · 19/05/2009 23:09

well there you go then. You might be surprise how many routines you do have without knowing, like getting kids to school, making dinner, certain days for visits ect. Enjoy her

weebump · 19/05/2009 23:10

Ah, she's only 9 weeks old. Relax and enjoy what feels comfortable. Sometimes routine suits the parents as much as the children.If you feel you should be in a routine, well then maybe you could try and work one out and slowly try and steer your family ship towards that course. But there's no hurry, AFAIK.

MoominMymbleandMy · 19/05/2009 23:12

I loathe the phrase "making a rod for your own back". If your baby is happy and healthy just go ahead with what suits you both.

Original poster

NBM · 19/05/2009 23:15

lisa Yes that is true - we do have routines around school runs etc (sort of) I suppose it is more when I speak to people with small babies who say that they put them to bed at 8 or whatever and mine is in her baby swing fast asleep next to me while I mumsnet!

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littleboyblue · 19/05/2009 23:17

I've always put mine to bed on their own from an earl age, but only because of the nightmare colic that I can't bare to be in the same room as them past 7pm after the long hard days! lol

Plonker · 19/05/2009 23:18

Congrats on your new baby - you have the same age gap as I have with my 3

I chose a middle-of-the-road approach with dd3.
On the one hand, I do believe that babies thrive on a routine, however I also believe that the rest of the family thrives when the baby doesn't have a routine

I had a little of both!

Like you, I breastfed and co-slept with dd3, she was picked up a lot because she preferred to be picked up, she was sang to a lot because she liked to be sang to, she was cuddled a lot because she liked to be cuddled. Everyone said the same to me as they are saying to you "rod for your own back", I always replied with "my rod, my back"

I did however, follow a routine, albeit fairly loosely. I always did the same thing at night (bath, bf, bed) it's just the time that varied to accomodate the rest of the family. We always woke at the same time (had to get older dd's to school) and when we weaned her, she always had her breakfast at the same time.

So, as I say, I did a bit of both

Shitemum · 19/05/2009 23:19

I think kids need some structure in their lives. It helps them feel safe if they know what's going to happen and when.
I think it also helps everyone keep on an even keel if there are meal times, i.e. you eat more or less at the same time every day.

But a 9-week old just needs to be close to you and fed when hungry and have a peaceful evening routine IMO, tho not neccesarily a set bedtime at that age...

I do remember that with DD1 we used to have her in her moses basket in the living room in the evening and she would fall asleep around 9pm, then we would carry the basket upstairs when we went to bed around midnight and she'd have a dream feed then. It finally occured to us that she could just as well be put to bed at 9pm in her basket in our room and have the dream feed when we went to bed. She was maybe around 4 mo by this time and I would check on her regularly but I do think she slept better in the evenings after we started taking her up at 9pm...

gigglewitch · 19/05/2009 23:19

she's said it just spot on actually - we did just the same

Original poster

NBM · 19/05/2009 23:26

Thanks for your replies, I think it really is each to their own. We are all happy, if we are'nt at any point things can change.

OP posts:

Plonker · 19/05/2009 23:29

Original poster

NBM · 20/05/2009 19:06

excuse my typing - babe in arms.

so i thought i'd try putting baby in her cot when tired today as she is a bit of a cat napper but she woke everytime i put her down.

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Lotster · 20/05/2009 20:40

Hi there, got an 11 week old girl myself and a 2.8 year old boy.

Personally I'm happy to go with the flow/demand on naps and feeds between morning and afternoon, but in the afternoon I then pick up on the Gina style routine - not feeding after 3.15pm until bedtime feeds begin (still doing a split feed at 5pm and 6.30pm with a bath in between and bed at 7pm), and also no sleep after 5pm in order to go down well at 7pm. I then wake her around 10.30-11pm for a feed and she sleeps through to about 6.30am.

Before I was doing the early eve routine she was interrupting evening mealtimes, and not happy within herself. Have found she sleeps and feeds much better now.

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