Feel like an awful single parent .

[bec40]

My 9 yr old son has just sworn at me I f.... Hate you.I feel awful as I often Swear at Home lately using the F word .I have been through alot emotionally lately ,giving birth dd who is now 12 months old .Partner told to move out as became aggressive through alcohol not good for my ds and dd .I live alone with no support from my Mother who acts like a child most of the time anyway and if I dont follow her rules punishes me by not talking to me for months on end .Feel totally rejected by her .Really want to be a good mum to ds and dd .I work 4 full days a week in a stressful job with many demands of me .I just feel like I am crumbling under the stress of everything lately Juggling Work,Family and Finances .Help please .

No real help, but you are not alone. Life is tough for any parent, but being a stressed out single parent is not fun. Have to go to bed, but will come back tomorrow. Take care.

OK, lets take one step at the time.

First, you need a bit of space (otherwise you wouldn't be swearing, you must be very tired/fed up). Second, if your mother gives more trouble than help stop thinking of her as a possible helping hand, that could add to the frustration.

Now, the day only has 24 hours so you need to find space for me time. When I became a single mum I realised I was pretty much on my own (I have no family in this country and at the time, not even close friends). So this is what I did:

1. Take my welfare very seriously, I couldn't afford to get depressed or stressed out as I had to take care of DS.
2. Get a routine that allowed me to keep over the things:

-Felt extremely tired every night so I used to fall asleep almost as soon as I put DS to bed (8-9ish). -Was, therefore, awake at 6 am. Instead of staying in bed I did 10-20 minutes of yoga with a video and read a book for half an hour (I enjoy reading and this was my one and only quiet time) - PRepare myself for the day, put make up on and, take out anything that needed to get out of the freezer in preparation for next day tea.and then, just then, wake up DS. That removed a lot of stress and helped to arrive to work still fresh. - After work, arrive home, put DS in front of the television or computer for half an hour in order to have some space to wind down and cook dinner in peace. - After dinner, spend one hour with DS playing, do another 10 min tidy up, bath DS and put him to bed, fall asleep.

My day off was used for an hour cleaning around the house, sorting the finances or doing any other errands from the week and, most importantly, to meet for coffee with a friend for a chat (that kept my sanity)

Hope that helps, a big hug in the mean time.

Do you have any other family who can support you when you need some time alone? Siblings, aunts, cousins perhaps?

I suggest you look at the stately home thread. It's about toxic parents and how to deal with them. Some people have even cut their parents out of their lives completely and really felt better for it. I don't feel able to do that but the threads are good especially for venting and realising you're not alone.

Thanks all of you for your support .It just helps knowing a I am not alone .I am trying to think well I can only do so much in 24 hrs and that My house cannot look perfect all of the time .I have decided to take my mum out the equation as she just adds so much extra stress in my life and doesnt help me .I always feel I have to live upto her high standards and feel very rejected by her .Other than being a super woman with engine attached I dont know how you can keep up with it all .I do have a very lovely twin brother who I have asked to help and is doing Thankgod .So life is not too bad now .Big hugs to you all thankyou .I feel much more sane again .

Try to accept that there will ALWAYS be bad days. But they are always jst days. Everything passes. Do not be afraid to ask your twin for more help. There will be times in the future when you life is easier, when he will lean on you.