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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is it just my DC who can't last longer than about 15 min without arguing ??

12 replies

NervousNutty · 18/05/2009 16:07

It is driving me absolutly nuts and seems to be getting worse not better.

They start at the breakfast table, continue in the bathroom whilst getting ready for school, carry on, on the walk to school, and then pick up where they left off as soon as school is over.

It is making me so exhausted having to constantly play referee or intervene in the latest silly squabble.

OP posts:

Original poster

NervousNutty · 18/05/2009 16:07

They are 11,9 and 6 by the way.

OP posts:

Barmymummy · 18/05/2009 17:20

Thank god for your post because I was seriously thinking it was just mine that seem to non stop argue.

My kids (DD 6 and DS 3 (4 in 2 weeks)) seem to be arguing all the time. For example this was all before 8.40am...

6.30am DS wakes up and goes to see DD. He starts off by saying hello all very nicely. She says hello. So far so good. He says, what are you doing? I am doing xxxxx. Oh, can I play? NOOOOO! WHY NOT?! Because I want to play on my OWN. Door then shuts on DS and he replies by shouting her name and thumping the door. She is now singing "ner ner ner ner ner" at him.......

Breakfast.....I WIN! No I win! NOOOO I WIN!! ETC ETC

Going to school on scooters....I win! NO I WIN! NO I WANT TO WIN!!! Lots of screaming and crying coz DD won't let him win and then lots of sulking from DD when I ask her to stop making everything a race....

This is typical really and its doing my head in. Other times they can be nice as pie with each other.

Am so fed up with playing referee and wondering where I went wrong. If I step back and look at them as individuals I can see that DD wants to lead/control and DS doesn't want to be lead!! He has a very short fuse and is still finding sharing and turn taking irritating which is like lighter fluid to DD who goes out of her way to wind him up. I think this is what winds me up the most, the deliberate winding each other up.

Anyway! Have moaned enough but wanted to let you know you aren't alone!!!

mummydoc · 18/05/2009 17:25

at least yours make it to the breakfast table before starting....mine meet on the landing between thier bedrooms and start bickering , i do not know how many times a day i shout "it is not a competition"

onthepier · 18/05/2009 20:16

We've had a lot of this lately, my dc's are 10 and 6.

I felt shattered by yesterday evening as all they wanted to do was play on the computer, (we only have one!) After spending the morning refereeing we told them they needed to sort out the turn-taking themselves, cue screaming and crying when neither wanted their turn to end. Resolved it by saying the computer must stay off for the rest of the day.

Offered to take them out, offered the younger one a trip into town with me (which would have included a trip to his favourite cake shop), they weren't interested, just stayed in and bickered!

They've each had a friend round after school today and seem a lot calmer! Barmymummy, our two ride their scooters to school but both prefer different routes, if I don't rotate the routes on a strict day to day basis I'm in trouble! I've told the eldest she can go her way every day and meet us at school, she's perfectly capable but not keen. Hopefully she'll come round to it!

They started bickering at the grandparents the other day, but all of us adults gradually moved to another room and immediately the bickering stopped, I think sometimes it's for attention!!

Original poster

NervousNutty · 18/05/2009 21:24

Well thank the lord for that

Sorry, but it is lovely to know ours isn't the only household with this problem lol.

It is so bloody draining when they are like this, and i find myself threatening to make them eat breakfast in shifts.

Perhaps I should leave them all at the table and eat my breakfast in bed.

OP posts:

Dragonrider · 18/05/2009 23:03

It doesn't help at all, but me and my sister are still like this when we're together for more than 24 hours, and we're 29 and 27! (we do argue in a slightly more jokey way now though)
I don't think we had a conversation that wasn't an argument until I was 22 and living abroad. I think one of the main reasons we argued so much was because my mum tried to force us to do things together (e.g. dressed the same, only allowed to do sports clubs that we both wanted to do, I wasn't allowed to go to town until she was also old enough to too). So I was always resentful of being held back and she hated that I got the hang of things quicker than she did. Trying to make us into closer just made us fight more because we resented it. I'm sure you don't do that (my mum just desperatly wanted twins!) but if they're more peaceful interacting with each other less then maybe that might be the way forward for a while.
Could you try letting the older 2 get on with things alone in the mornings (if they can be trusted not to make you late)? You might not all end up having breakfast at the same time, but if they don't get down at the time you're helping the little ones then they have to sort it out alone. Obviously I'm assuming they're old enough to get ready on time and wont kill each other in the process! (My DC isn't born yet so I have no experience of what might work, but I just remember desperatly wanting a chance to get away from my sister when I was younger)

colnelcustard · 19/05/2009 08:26

ha ha. thank god its not just me. i said to them the other day (6 and 4 now dragging the almost two year old into it).

Mummy would just like a bit of peace and quiet sometimes I would perhaps like to go on holiday by myself.

They had the cheek to say 'but what about you love us' (4 year old).

I almost wept!

THey are arguing in the other room as I type. Cue screaming in 5, 4, 3,2, 1

AstonMartini · 19/05/2009 08:32

Mine are 7 (DS) and 5 (DD), and are totally obsessed with one another (what's she got? Why's he got that? It's not fair...). They do play together, but they spend far more time fighting/arguing/bickering. The slightest provocation sets DS off, and DD knows just how to provoke him. She can even set him off just by looking at him in a particular way (or by singing - that really gets his goat...).

Delightful, eh?

missmiss · 19/05/2009 08:48

My brother and I were like this until about four years ago (I'm 24!). We get on really well now, though, if it's any consolation

mummydoc · 19/05/2009 10:45

astonmartini - re the singing we have that too, mu dd1 is a very talented singer bless her and loves it,often on way home from school she wants to sing tome, cue dd2 " stop siiiinnnniiiinggggg , i have a headache.....scream, scream,sob, sob" dd1 then either sings louder or screams back " well my head hurts more than you, mine hurts so much i am dead"

AstonMartini · 19/05/2009 13:10

Dontcha just love it? My DD sings because DS is a chorister and she is tone deaf. She knows that it really, really bugs him when someone sings out of tune.

I think it's all good practice for being married.

bargainhuntingbetty · 19/05/2009 13:13

Mine do this too. I just refuse to get sucked in to their arguements and tell them to stop speaking to each other. If they argue with me they are not allowed to speak at all. Normally within 5 minutes they are off playing again and when a fight breaks outt again they are banned from speeaking to each other again, can you see a patern .

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