Help! feel so guilty, trying to get DD to sleep in the day

[Catla]

How much sleep should a baby be having in the day? DD is 18 weeks old and is sleeping really well at night, up to about 11 hours from 7pm to 5.30/6am. She's up, feeds, plays, feeds again and will go for 30 min nap. After that, she seems to refuse to go back to her bed for the rest of the day. I put her down asleep after lunch time nap and she's awake before she even hits the mattress - I've been trying controlled crying the last couple of days completely unsuccessfully - going in every 5 to 10 mins for a whole hour and giving in cos it's breaking my heart to hear her cry for such a long time. then if I go out in the car, she's asleep before we're down the drive! But some days I wish we could just spend the day at home, or its raining so I can't go out with the buggy - but if she doesn't have a lunch time nap she's too tired to play and enjoy which also upsets me cos she just doesn't seem happy. I'm at a loss for what to do - I can't get anything from other mums in the monday group I go to cos they think I'm so lucky she's not up in the night but the day times are just so exhausting and I feel she's missing out cos she's so tired by lunch time... should I persist or am I doing her damage by letting her cry. I kinda feel like I've maybe made things worse by trying and giving up the last few days by picking her up and bringing her downstairs when she's not had a nap and cried for an hour...

Please, please don't use controlled crying on such a young baby, it really isn't a kind thing to do and you're obviously trying to get her to nap because you want what's best for her. If you're keen for her to nap in her cot which like bedlambeast is something I haven't done with either of my two, you may find cuddling until she's in deep sleep (i.e floppy arm stage)then putting her down works. It's probably that she can't shut down from the stimulation of daytime and just needs a little extra help to relax.

My DD is 20 weeks and she has 3-4 half hour naps during the day, and sleeps 12ish hours overnight (waking for one feed).

She naps in her cot when at home, used to take ages to get her to sleep in the cot but after a few weeks she has got the hang of it. I used to read to her for about fifteen minutes and then sing a bit to get her to sleep in the day, but now she seems to understand what she needs to do. I now put her in cot, and read about 2 sentences, by this time she's normally looking like she's going off to sleep and i then leave her to it.

However, although this makes life much easier when we're at home, its now much harder to get her to sleep when we're out and about, so that's what we're working on now...

Hi Catla I don't really have any advice but it may be reassuring to know that I am in a similar situation to you. My DD is 23 weeks and over the past few weeks it has been a major trial getting her to nap in her bed in the day. Like yours, she loves the car seat but it is reassuring that she only seems to sleep in it as much as she needs- we went on a day trip a couple of days ago and she slept on the journey but not for the whole time which I was concerned about. If I put her in her bed which is an Amby she will scream even if I bounce it or try to shush her her to sleep.

I am coming to the conclusion that I am going to take the line of least resistance and get her to sleep in the pram or my sling- I have a Kari Me and it is great. I just had reassurance from my friend today who used to be a childminder that lots of children hate sleeping in their own beds during the day but will sleep fine in them at night. HTH

It is hard establishing a lunchtime nap but it is a sanity saver (for mothers) as they get older. DD1 took to it very well from about 8 weeks but it took much longer with DD2. She would fall asleep very quickly but then wake up like clockwork after 45 minutes. I have since read that this is very common. I know that whilst controlled crying is not for some, I did it with DD. My advice would be to put her in her cot awake rather than letting her fall asleep in your arms, then she gets used to falling asleep herself. My view was that a good couple of hours kip in the day was beneficial to her and that is why I stuck with it, even though it was hard. DD is now 10 months and happily sleeping at lunchtime.

PP the OP's baby is only 18 weeks old though so, regardless of anyone's overall views on CC, far too young to be subjected to this technique.

I think you've got to tinker with the times and places. Soon she'll change again. The buggy is great I would go for a short walk and as soon as he was asleep go home. I also used a mobile above his head that would help. A little music too maybe. But he never slept longer than 1/2 hour until he dropped his morning nap and slept 2 hours after lunch about 1pm.

thanks for messages and advice. my Health visitor told me DD was old enough to start with CC which is why I was persiting... I'm going to try and get her into a deeper sleep before putting her down or do as today, get the raincover on the pram and go for a very long walk!! Please let the weather get better soon! Steffibabes, I'm going to have a look for the Kari Me slings on the net, I don't want to put her off sleeping in her bed as her night time routine is great so if we need to do something different in the day so be it - I don't want to battle against her all day - it's really been getting me down xx

Catla, DH and I could never do CC and we are hard nuts. Your DD is sleeping through the night that really is a God Send. Don't mess with that. Have someone come over for coffee to take your mind off her grumpyness or..Have you got family nearby that could baby sit while you go out for 1/2. You never know someone else might have the knack

Catla,
Ds and dd both really fought daytime naps. With dd (my first) I persisted in getting her to sleep in her cot, and eventually she learnt to love her nap. (I used to pat her to sleep). Ds was a much harder case though. I used to wheel him round the flat in a buggy - it did work, so might be worth considering. Now he's 16 months and still has his one nap in his buggy, and he can sleep for 1.5/2 hours like this, so it can work. Best of luck.