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ds always running away from me and asking to go with other people

3 replies

sloppysoupdragon · 14/05/2009 18:56

My nearly 3 year old son is a spririted child who seems to have developed a policy of non co operation towards my dh and me, he is very bright and very capable and has so much energy we are permanently exhausted. I am concerned that it may be an attachment issue as I went back to work 8 months after having him and he coped poorly at the childminders with the separation. We moved house 18 months ago ( when he was about 16 months old and I became a full time mother. We have a dd who is 4 years older that him and had to move her school too about 6 months after we moved house. We are still in rented at the moment and I had the huge job of unpacking boxes for about 6 months after the move. Ds loves playgroup and seems to love every other persons mum more than me. I am very sad, but determined not to give up. I try and show him love and play with him and cuddle him, but that his bad behaviour will not be tolerated but he seems to be badly behaved most of the time. we are trying to ignore it where we can, but he seems to choose things to do that we really should not ignore like doing potentially dangerous things. I think I need to have him seen by a child pyschologist - what do other mumsnetters think? Any advice gratefully received.

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mistlethrush · 14/05/2009 19:24

I have a very spirited just 4yo - and dh and I are also exhausted by his energy and what he gets up to.

With the willfullness/running away etc - this might sound strange - but have you ever turned your back and gone away? Clearly you can only do this in safe circumstances - but for our ds it was one certain way to get him to come back and start cooperating (often in tears ).

What I can reassure you is that it does get better - although we find his behaviour is worse if he is tired...

HOpe you sort something out.

stinkypants · 14/05/2009 19:25

Sounds like you are having a hard time of it! First of all i would NOT feel guilty about going to work at 8mths, plenty of people do that with no ill effects and even earlier than that. Secondly, he does not love the other mums - he loves you- and is just - i can't help thinking he may be doing these things for a reaction / negative attention? i've worked with slightly older children but my advice would be to give him loads of positive attention, really OTT,when he is good or even just not being bad, create lots of opportunties to praise him and build his confidence, find plenty of activities to do to build his self esteem and burn off the energy- and try to turn the pattern around. if he does something dangerous, react in a low key but firm way, and have a definite 'different' excited voice when he is being goood. in a bit of a rush but hth.
good luck. i don't think he has deep psychological issues - sounds quite normal - what does anyone else think?

sloppysoupdragon · 15/05/2009 10:33

thank you for your reassurance and sound comments : ). Will hang in there and keep on positively parenting!

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