No.

[PrettyCandles]

That's what my 2yo says, and I don't know how to deal with it. I was spoilt before - at that age if I asked my now 4yo to do something, he just went and did it. Dd just says "No", or shakes her head, or just doesn't do whatever I've asked her to do.

So what do I do?

bump

sorry pretty no help just sympathy ds is the same at 18mths

I don't know, but when you find out could you tell me please. DD2 (6) is the only one of my children to consistently tell me no.

I may just re introduce diluted water to her diet lol

depends on what it is, and whether it is worth making a fuss about.
my younger two are like that. and say no a lot.
my very mature way of dealing with it is to either not ask them, or ignore it, or insist and eventually let it degrade to me spanking them on their nappy in the 2 yolds case, or yelling at the three yearold.
sorry, completley uselllss advice.

How verbal is she? Does she understand exactly what no means?

I only ask because my 2 year old says no to everything I ask him to do, but mostlt goes and does it anyway. He just seems to like the word.

try reading toddler taming. might have some ideas

To be honest I think that most 2 yos say no as it is the word that they hear the most.

I think it can help either not to ask questions - eg don't say, do you want to brush your teeth, but to say, now we are going upstairs to brush your teeth, or to ask questions where you offer alternatives, such as do you want mummy to put on the toothpaste or do you want to do it yourself?
I can imagine these not working very well however!

My ds2 was like this. Ds1 was an angel. Must be second child syndrome

Ok, my methods, firstly " I've asked you nicely, i'll ask you one more time and if you don't do it i'm going to be cross".
The second option is counting slowly to 3, if he knew that when i got to 3 he would be punished - naughty stair or such like.

The other thing that worked was reverse psychology. As in :-
-put your pencil away please
-no

• i bet you can't put your pencil away before i count to 5 ...........

The trick is knowing which one to use when ! And sometimes you have to do all the above eight times

Dd knows exactly what 'no' means, and I think that at some point in the last month or so she realised that she can push my buttons - she gives me the look when refusing.

I don't want to lose my rag at her...I did that with ds, at a time when I was still suffering from PND and later when dd was new and I was constantly exhausted (the two states are not dissimilar), and I don't want to go there again. I fear that I broke his spirit - the cool sensible part of me says 'Just look at him, you can see his spirit isn't broken' yet I still fear that. And I'm still rebuilding our relationship.

I don't have a problem with discipline - if food gets thrown on the floor then she gets put out of the kitchen, with other things then it's the 3-strikes and out rule. These things work, and in general we don't have behaviour problems.

This afternoon it was a silly thing: we take our shoes off when we get home, and put them in our bedrooms. Ds used to need reminding or cueing, but recently has taken to doing it without being told. With dd I take her shoes off and give them to her to put away - which she usually delights in doing. Now she just refuses, or takes the shoes and drops them on the floor - generally while watching me, you know, the look.

How often do you say "no" to her?

I have discovered this week that because everytime ds says "I need xxx" I just give him "the look" and he corrects it to "I would like xxx" instead.
So if I say "I need you to wash your hands" he just looks at me, but if I say "I would like you to wash your hands" he can't get there quick enough.

Try changing your "no" to something else and see if you start hearing that from her instead.

i find that when they say no it helps if you get down to their level hold their hand and make them look at you and tell them firmly but in a low voice that you donot want to hear no and that you are asking them to do xxx and would be happy if they do it now please. but make sure that when they do do it you give them loads of praise and a hug and a kiss so that they relize that they have done something good.

ermmm. wait for phase to pass.

or umm

ie: put your shoes and socks on so we can go to the park. NO. ok then we'll just stay here. and just sit down with a cup of tea and be really boring

The last couple of days I've been trying not to give dd the opportunity to say no - just taking her shoes off and putting them away myself, for example.

It's true, Babybob, that you need to model the behaviour that you want from the child. I do try not to say no, but instead to say what I want the child to do.

I think I'll have to use Flum's tactic and wait for this phase to pass! And also to remember that famous and oh-so-true saying: you don't need to be a perfect mother, just a good enough one.

I use a technique at school with teenagers - you say "thank you" before they've had a chance not to. Not in a sarcastic way, but in exactly the warm kind way you would if she'd actually done it. The theory is that it's very difficult to refuse to do something that you've already been thanked for doing. Then when she actually does it, give warm praise. The same technique also uses something called "take up time" - in other words you don't insist that they do the task in your time, but let them do it in their time. So you are busy getting everything in the house. You say, "Please take your shoes off now. Thank you." and then carry on doing your things, without reminding her or responding to "no" And then as soon as she's done it, "good girl, you took your shoes off." and a hug. Obviously I don't hug the teenagers ...

I am interested in this thread as my ds (2years 9 months) seems to have got a lot worse lately at 'no' and disobedience.

I would be grateful for some more ideas. I start with "let's xxx" all smily and happy, if I get a no from that I move to "Be a good boy for Mummy and xxx"; I then move to slow counting; then I get down to his level and talk firmly at him (this usually results in him laughing at me, so lately I have avoided this) and if I am at home the naughty step followed by time out in his room. On bad days it ends up in me shouting (not helpful I know, but I get so frustrated).

I have tried limiting the requests to what I believe are the most important ones like hold my hand when crossing a road; stop massive water splashing in the bath; stop throwing food; but he just seems to see it all as a game and doesn't take me seriously.

Any suggestions PLEASE

I think that I do the same as Kayzed - I just hadn't realised that's what I do! If I want ds2 (2.8) to get in the car, I ask him what he wants to take with him - his toy car or teddy? The car journey is non negotiable so we don't talk about it, just do that and chat about something else. I do like Kayzed's version of telling him to get his toys rather than asking, however. (I do far too much asking with my boys and so get overconfident kids, who feel that they are making the choices too often.) On a good day I use Fisil's thank you techniques too, with lots of praise and hugs. Must remember to do it more often!

Good luck. It is just a phase, but can be a very very wearing one.