I can't bear these food battles much longer. 14m throws most food or spits out in disgust

[abroadandmisunderstood]

I have tried dips, sticks, bolognese, pastas, risottos, and it is an anxious meal every time. Will his temper kick in today and he refuses to be spoonfed, feed himself?

It is endless, exhausting and so expensive to see this vast array of food simply flung on the floor.

Just 'had' lunch. Homemade bolognese and pasta. Spat out and screamed at me if I fed him. Kept grabbing for the spoon so I let him do it. Every spoonful was thrown aggressively over his shoulder. I ended up quietly calling time. Took the food away and cleaned him up and put him back to play. He is furious now.

Please please please help. I have my PIL staying for a week next week and MIL is going to rip strips off my techniques (she was apparently the perfect mother)

I want to cry.

take him out of his high chair and give him a carpet picnic

offer him snacky type things little and often - some cheese and crackers, little sandwiches he can nibble on

it is a phase - DS was an expert at lobbing food

is he still having milk? TBH a few mouthfuls is probably all he needs

try things like beans on toast, eggs, potato wedges, cheese on toast - things that are easy to make and you won't want to cry about when you tip them away

Hi Rubyslippers

Maybe the anger is about being in the highchair. I wish this phase would end and one meal he will keep something in his mouth. Most food is squashed by his inquisitive fingers then thrown on the floor. He does like cheese spread on toast, breadsticks and hummous, blueberries, peas (until he remembers to squish them).

I will try the picnic idea, and explain to DS1 why at 4yo he doesn't need to join him.

Any ideas how much longer this is going to go on? I can't recall DS1 going through this.

He has a bottle of milk in the morning and before bed.

maybe your DS1 could join him?

not sure how long it lasts - the whole thing about food is the squishing as well as the tasting! it is really, really usual

If he is having milk then i think he is really fine and won't waste away

dry cereal is always a good thing to offer

Why would you let a child eat on the floor, to bad if he don't like the highchair, that's where babies eat, put the high chair on a big plastic sheet and let him throw the food, he will learn by watching your other ds.

Well in the last 5 minutes he has devoured 3 slices of wurst (am in Germany and it is a child's nonsalty type), 6 blueberries, 3 mini ricecakes and is working on raisins now.

Yes we are sitting on the living room floor! By dry cereal do you mean like Cheerios? I can get something similar here He is spitting out breakfast these days (Weetabix, which used to be the guaranteed eaten meal).

Maybe he is in that halfway stage of not wanting help anymore but it frustrates him that he can't do it either.

Tonight is designated snack night (sandwiches, fruit, crackers etc) for both boys. Maybe I should make it fun for them by doing it picnic style!!

Ds2 is just growing out of this aged 2. At about 13 months we had a solid week of nearly everything on the floor - turned out he wanted grown up cutlery, once he was given a fork the same size as himself he was quite content. But it has been one thing after another - he rejected his high chair - more throwing and spitting - but is currently content in a booster. He also had a very limited range of food for about a year but now (whispers) appears to be eating a few new things...
I don't know how much teething contributes.

We did Baby Led Weaning and dd has always been a fuss free eater, if he likes picky food it might be worth a try. I just gave her the parts of our dinner that she could pick up and feed herself. It is hassle free coz you're not preparing separate food and it gives them some control about what they eat at their own pace etc. If you're eating at the same time, it can help take the stress out of it aswell, much nicer to eat with company rather than have an audience!

When your MIL is here let her do the whole thing. If she does it, and he's fine for her then see it as a few days off the madness for you. If she has a hard time you will see it's not just you.

We went through the 'I will throw pretty much everything on the floor and I will spray food out of my mouth and into mummy's face' phase when my ds was 14 months. We put a plastic mat on the floor and persevered with the high chair - when one has tried to feed him out of it he keeps running around the room. And though he does get irritated with being in it sometimes, he has accepted that the high chair is where mealtimes will happen. Now he is 15 months old we're going through the 'I will feed myself and will not let mummy feed me and I will yell if she tries to and I also want to squish food with my fingers' phase, and believe it or not he is beginning to get some food into his mouth, both with his fingers and with a spoon. A lot of it still ends up on the floor, on his chair seat on his clothes, in his hair... but I'm trying to grin and bear it, hoping that he will eventually develop the motor skills needed for self-feeding. The yelling is about him being highly frustrated at wanting to do things himself and not being able to yet. Finger food helps - I tend to make part of his meal such that he can play around with it and squish it - initially I let him feed himself off the high chair table now I've introduced small plastic bowls and non-breakable plates. It is messy but is far better than having to feed him every morsel myself. Good luck - you just have to believe that it will get better eventually.

Last night he ate very well. All various types of finger foods but DS1 was sitting eating at the same time and he was watching his brother like a hawk!!

After deliberating the picnic on floor idea I decided not to go down that path. He needs to learn to eat in the correct place- at the table.

I am still putting foods on the highchair tray because plates of meals get thrown in seconds. He always seems to fling beyond the splashmat area and towards the cat basket.

Grin and bear it then!! It doesn't help that his cute cousin visited a few weeks back and eats everything. I mean anything and everything. He is4 months older.

Forgot to add - when I do give my ds a plate/bowl on his highchair table, then I only put one or two bits of food in it at a time, ie, 1 pea or cube of carrot or a small square of toast. It means that the process is a bit elongated, ie involves me putting one or two bits of food into his bowl before he eats them, but if I give him more than that then it ends up on the floor. But he does seem to enjoy having something in his hands - a bowl/spoon/bits of food - he doesn't always actively use them to eat, but if he has something to do with his fingers he allows me to slip a few spoonfuls into his mouth. Something to do with needing the tactile experience of food, maybe?

Re the cute cousin who is four months older, - wait another four months, your toddler might just surprise you. In the meantime, enjoy the mess... I try to remind myself that I was probably the same when I was a baby and look at how nicely I eat now!

Bet your life he is picking up on your anxieties and frustration. You need to back off completely, just offer the food and let him do it himself if he wants to, and deal with the inevitable mess. It is easier said than done I know (we had a few battles with DS1) but it really is the key. And don't put food in front of him that you or someone else isn't eating, and always make sure that he is eating with someone else. I always feel sorry for babies who are stared at like a goldfish in a bowl - so much pressure, it's no wonder they react in a negative way.

And the biggest rule of all is not to compare with anyone else's eating, and to stamp on MIL head ask MIL not to compare either. It really isn't helpful. And a good eater can transform into a fussy one at a moment's notice, and vice versa.

Have you read 'My Child Won't Eat! How to prevent and solve the problem', by Carlos Gonzalez? My DS has been very slow taking to solids and I found myself getting very anxious about it. Someone recommended this book and I found it extremely helpful.

Other than that, just what the other posters have already said. Try to chill out a bit, as he'll be picking up on your anxiety. Just ignore your MIL (easier said than done I know!), but this is your child not hers and you are in control.

Everyone has said it really ..... dont react, allow the mess and ignore when they use their hands to eat soup! Dont stress about it at all, it will get better. honest!

DS was a champion thrower at that stage as well. I bought the book satsuma1 recommends and found it helpful.

Don't do what I did and start restricting his diet and offering alternatives if he chucked away what was on offer.

If it makes you feel too stressed then give him a mini selection on one plate so at least you are in control and then walk away for a few minutes, until you are calm and act nonchalant about the whole thing.