17mth old hitting

[dannid]

My ds is 17mths and has been hitting now for a while, he also has terrible temper tantrums and has been headbanging, which the health visitor assures me is just a phase. He seems to hit me the most...but then is extremely clingy towards me the rest of the time. It can be for any reason but is most likely when he doesn't get what he wants or is made to do something he doesn't want to do i.e. have his nappy changed.

I have tried various things to stop him doing it....Saying No, Moving Away, Telling him that I wont be his friend, Pretending to cry, Encouraging him to kiss better etc etc etc. The kissing better was a BIG mistake though as he now seems to think its ok to hit as long as he gives you a kiss after! He even tries to kiss better now before Ive even got the word NO out of my mouth. It can also be really embarressing when he does it in public or to other people.

He is a strong willed, mischievious child and can be very cheeky at times...ive got to admit I do melt though as soon as hes gives me one of his cheeky grins. However, I am getting to breaking point with it now and dont know what else to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My ds is 19 months and went through a short phase like this too. I don't think they intentionally want to hit/hurt, they are just experiencing feelings of frustration and don't know how to deal with them. Hitting out is just an automatic reaction. I would definitely choose one way of dealing with it when it happens to prevent him getting mixed messages. With ds I literally would hold his hand, get down to his level and say a firm "No" just the once then ignore him, I didn't even have to move away, just looked elsewhere. He would maybe hit again or would go off and have a little tantrum but when he realised that he wasn't getting any attention he would calm down. If you are persistant with this it should work. I know its really hard not to laugh at them but it'll pay off in the end. If its because he doesn't want to do something, follow the ignoring until he has calmed down (and he will eventally!). Forcing them to do something when they are having a tantrum just leaves them even more frustrated imo! This worked for me and he no longer hits out. I think its just important to remember that he's just expressing himself and we have to show them that there are other ways to do it! Hope this makes sense! Good luck!

I went throught his with DS1 and am currently with DS2

the best advice and most effective is to basically give as little attention as possible.

if he is hitting, very boringly pick him up, say in a boring voice no hitting and then ignore him.

then when he is nice in anyway at anytime give him praise

it might not go away totally (he is only a baby still) but if you make a big fuss it will take mych longer

good luck it is hair tearingly horrible I know

One way or another it will stop, either by just growing out of it or gentle encouragement.

Remember he is 17 months and so not much that he does will have thought or intention, just a baby. Don't let it get you down. Most parents have been through the same and so are not judging you or your child.