I have to stop DS1 hitting/pushing/kicking/sitting on his younger brother. Please help as my methods are completly ineffective....

[ilovespinach]

Today I have reached my limit with DS1 (3.1). Everytime I turn my back, or even when I am there, he hits out at his brother (16 months)or, the favorite at the moment, is to sit on his brothers back. I'm amazed that ds2 hasn't been more hurt.

I take ds1 away and put him into the corner and his does his time for 3 minutes. I tell him why he is in the corner and explain to him that he needs to play nicely etc but I feel he is simply not listening to me. He does his time and then he just goes and does the same thing again....

This has been going on for many months since, I guess, DS2 has been interested in the same toys. DS1 also takes out his frustrations on his brother - say ds1 is playing with his trains and they come off the track, he will look out to hit his brother in frustration.

DH and I have had the idea to put him in his bedroom (we live in a flat so I can still see what he's up to), to exclude him if he behaves badly. We have done this a couple of times and he doesn't like it at all. Does anyone use this technique? Or do you think it's better to stick with the naughty corner?

I keep meaning to spend individual time with ds1 but this hasn't happened Maybe this would help?

I don't want you to think that ds1 is a monster. He's not, he's a loving, playful and energetic boy. But I feel we have got to nip this in the bud pretty quickly - we were at a playgroup today and he was starting to hit out at his friend. I have to get it through to him that hitting etc is not on....

Any suggestions gratefully received and will reply tomorrow off to watch The Apprentice now

If we send dd to her room, she just starts playing. The step/corner approach works better.

Rewarding good behaviour might work - it usually is quite effective when dd starts doing something we don't like. Rather than punishing her for the bad behaviour, we give her a sticker for good behaviour/not behaving badly, with a small reward when she gets 5 stickers. Maybe try that - every time he plays nicely with his brother he gets a sticker. Or you could do a search for "pasta jar" here - I've never tried it, but other MNers swear by the technique.

Good luck. I think a small amount of scrapping is inevitable given the age gap, but it is upsetting when they fight.

Fighting here I'm afraid. They do normally get on really well. DD2 only has a few words, so can't explain herself or make her feelings known, and I think there's a lot of fustration for her. DD1 gets annoyed because dd2 is only just learning those social skills of not grabbing or screeching to get what you want.

Really keen to nip it in the bud though before it becomes a habit.

Doesn't help that they are spending a lot of time with other friends who do hit quite a lot.

Was just about to reply but realised I've already answered this thread lol. You must have double posted.

Tom, who is also 3.1, hits and pinches me. I dread to think what he'll do to DC2 due in december! I tell him off, make him sit on his own away from toys but he still does it.

When our 2.10 does something we feel is inappropriate (more serious), he is taken to his room, where its explained what he has done which is unacceptable, and told to sit on his bed...funnily he does actually stay there (once he got off, and was told to go straight back which he did). It is usually because he has hit his sister (20 months)...he is a normal loving little boy but they do tend to have these odd little spells. When we go to him, we ask him if he understands why he was put there...and the message is usually clear. I think its best to do this for more serious infringements. For more minor matters he is made to sit on the bottom step, which he hates...

I not a big time outer as most of the children I've nannied for it has not being effective. I prefer the praise/ignore way.

For one of the little girls I nannied for I would do ignoring, eg she bit little brother, I would pick bro up give him a cuddle and make a big performance of him, after a few minutes I'd get down to her level and say "NO biting, you need to say sorry to bro". If she gave a sorry and a hug I would say "we need to be nice to each other", then we'd all do something together. I tried to sit between them a lot as well and sometimes would read book/do puzzle with just her eg if bro came up I would say "you need to wait a minute I just reading with sis". I figured that way she is getting one on one attention and is also seeing that she comes first as well. I would also praise her for sharing or hugging bro especially if it was just a little thing that could be missed.

If she did not say sorry I would go back to spending time with bro - with her personality it was never long! HTH's.