I have to stop DS1 hitting/pushing/kicking/sitting on his younger brother. Please help as my methods are completly ineffective....

[ilovespinach]

Today I have reached my limit with DS1 (3.1). Everytime I turn my back, or even when I am there, he hits out at his brother (16 months)or, the favorite at the moment, is to sit on his brothers back. I'm amazed that ds2 hasn't been more hurt.

I take ds1 away and put him into the corner and his does his time for 3 minutes. I tell him why he is in the corner and explain to him that he needs to play nicely etc but I feel he is simply not listening to me. He does his time and then he just goes and does the same thing again....

This has been going on for many months since, I guess, DS2 has been interested in the same toys. DS1 also takes out his frustrations on his brother - say ds1 is playing with his trains and they come off the track, he will look out to hit his brother in frustration.

DH and I have had the idea to put him in his bedroom (we live in a flat so I can still see what he's up to), to exclude him if he behaves badly. We have done this a couple of times and he doesn't like it at all. Does anyone use this technique? Or do you think it's better to stick with the naughty corner?

I keep meaning to spend individual time with ds1 but this hasn't happened Maybe this would help?

I don't want you to think that ds1 is a monster. He's not, he's a loving, playful and energetic boy. But I feel we have got to nip this in the bud pretty quickly - we were at a playgroup today and he was starting to hit out at his friend. I have to get it through to him that hitting etc is not on....

Any suggestions gratefully received and will reply tomorrow off to watch The Apprentice now

Have you tried making a ridiculous over the top fuss of DS1 when DS2 hurts him and completely and utterly ignoring DS2? That way, he'll see that all his behaviour does is make you pay MORE attention to DS1 and less to him...

He is only 3. He is not much more than a baby really. I really don't think all children of this age are able to understand methods of discipline. My DS is not much younger than yours (2.10) and wouldn't get them at all.

With putting him in his bedroom don't say he is going there because he has been naughty or as a punishment. You don't want him to view his bedroom as a bad place. Explain he is going there to calm down and relax and get rid of his frustration and anger. Explain to him that you know he doesn't mean to hit out. He does it because he is frustrated and angry at his brother for messing his games up. He doesn't understand why he hits out. He does it because he is feeling something (frustration and anger) and doesn't know what it is or how to handle it. Explaining to him why he is hitting out and giving him words for those feelins will help him to understand what he is feeling and why he is feeling it. It will also help him to verbalise and explain his feelings to you. Going to his room to calm down is a way of dealing with this anger and frustration. Explain to him if his brother starts to annoy him instead of hitting him he can go to another part of the room or his bedroom so he can have some space to play on his own where he can calm down and his brother can't annoy him.

My methods are distraction and avoidance. Don't leave them alone together EVER. If you have to nip to the toilet take one of them with you or put the youngest in a travel cot/play pen. When they play together you need to be watching like a hawk. It is tiring but the only way to prevent things like this from happening.

agree with everything nappyaddict said.

Never in my time on MN do i think anyone has said that

Nappyaddict, spot on.

These little balls of testosterone (pardon the pun) have no frontal lobe control of their feelings and frustration. keep reminding using firm tones when he hits and good praise when he's kind and remember to tell DS2 aswell!!

PS DS1 & 2 are 6 & 7 and it does not stop.....most days we have a red hand mark and tears on someone!!!