12 week old screaming every night

[stinkypants]

Hi
have only just found this site so no idea what all the abbreviations mean or if i am in the right place, but would really appreciate any words of wisdom - am nearly tearing my hair out as i listen to my little boy screaming his head off to get to sleep - he's been going for 25 mins so far. v frustrating as had been doing quite well until the past week or so and don't know what has changed.
he used to cry for 10-15 mins then find his thumb and go off, but now he can scream for 45 mins - the longest i dare leave him - and in the end i give in and get him up for a feed because nothing else seems to work and by then i'm worried he'll be hungry again or that it must be a growth spurt - but even as i type i realise that he has just learnt that if he screams long enough i'll give him more boob - but confounding this is the fact that he hasn't gained enough weight so i've lost my confidence in judging whether he's hungry and even if i know he's had an hour on the breast i worry its not enough - - -
also it is impossible to get him to nap in the daytime apart from in the car or pram and again this used to work in the cot but not now - so i know he's massively overtired.
in the time its taken me to register on here he's gone off - took 40 mins - always feel so much better once he stops crying - but i was sobbing about it earlier. am i just being oversensitive???
btw the nickname is my husband's idea after i tried about 20 other more respectable ones - its what he calls our son, not me!!

hi there, welcome to mumsnet! I'm afraid I can't offer any advice about breastfeeding as I was a total failure and had to bottle feed

However i do empathise with the screamy baby at bedtime, my daughter was always like this, but one day seep just sort of "clicked" for her and down she went no fuss. I do however remember typing that she was still like this at 4months old if anyone but me would try and get her to bed. Nowadays (20months) she asks for bed when she is tired!

I think at this age it is important to just go with your instincts and give your son whatever he wants, he is still tiny and depends on you for everything. In time you can worry about his weight, and how to get him to sleep, but at 12 weeks, when both you and he are new to this, just go with what feels best for you, and whatever gives you the most rest and least worry.

You will read lots of advice about always putting your baby to sleep when he is slightly awake so he learns to settle himself, or feeding on demand, or routine feeding etc etc. I took what worked for me and ignored the rest. That was the only way I got any rest and peace at all.

Hopefully you will get through this phase and your son will learn to settle for bed

Your experience sounds very similar to mine. My dd cried a lot and seemed to need so many feeds and was still very small. When she got to 3 months I was still feeding 8-9 times a day and wondering what on earth I was doing wrong. My dh started doing a 7pm and 11-12 feed and I continued to bf the rest of the time. I felt sooo guilty but it gave me some rest. I'm not saying you should do that but it worked for us. Things changed almost overnight when I weaned her and just before she hit 6 months within less than a week of giving 3 meals a day she slept through and has done ever since. I weaned early at 4 months on HV advice due to reflux and colic in case anyone thinks I'm highly irresponsible.

This will not last for ever and by giving in with feeding and cuddling you are not 'making a rod for your own back'. You're giving a very young baby what he needs. Routine will fall into place later, honest!

Good luck.

My ds1 was the same, I'd spend the whole evening with him feeding, I'm end up sore and tired! He would just scream when he wasn't sucking! We tried Infacol, which worked a bit.
He would cry unless he was being bounced in our arms... we got huge are muscles!
It wont be forever, it just feels like it! He will grow out of it and sleep in the evenings, so sorry you're having a hard time.

Gracious I think you're doing brilliantly!!!!

I think that around this age -ish, they 'get' the going to bed thing. For DD it was 9 weeks and for DS it was 14 weeks. I would just keep trying and basically doing exactly what you're doing and then suddenly one night, they just dropped off after the first round of boob and then woke up X hours later for a night feed. I would say that without a doubt, you are doing it exactly right, don't stress and just do what you need to do but stick with the going to bed routine at the same time each night and it will just click.

It also sounds like you are very nearly there - within 1 or 2 nights ish!!

hi stinkypants,
just to say that I sympathise as our second daughter was a big cryer and I can remember just how tiring it was, and how difficult not knowing really why she was crying.
I think that babies cry for lots of different reasons: some cry because they are really still hungry, some cry because they want to comfort suck, and some babies cry just because they are tired but are not yet very good at falling asleep.
In my experience listening to a baby bawl is enough to make me really jittery and unhappy. If you think that your baby has probably had enough to eat, but just can't fall asleep, maybe it would help you both to feel better if you stayed with your your baby whilst he's falling to sleep; maybe sing to him, or stroke his head.. Also try and time the putting him to bed if you can work out which time he's tired before getting really tired and worked up. easier said than done, I know, but perhaps having a regular bedtime helps. You could also try bathing him before bed, to give him a happy relaxing time and also let him know that bedtime is on its way, if you see what I mean.

As for his weight, it is really common for babies to slow in their weight gain at three to four months, so you needn't necessarily conclude that he is not getting enough to eat. It is also very common for babies to have a growth spurt at three months, as I expect you know.

Thank you all so much - great advice and so reassuring. will get that book - he is a very sensitive little crying boy so would be a good read i think. i am feeling much calmer and more optimistic that there is an end in sight - and that it doesn't mean he is going to be scarred for life!