I have to nip this in the bud

[FabulousBakerGirl]

DS2 is nearly 4 and has just started back chatting/being cheeky. I know he is copying his older brother. I can let a certain abou go but not when it is going too far. What do I do? Have done everything wrong with DS1 so need to get this one right.

"Tonight I sent him to his room and told him to come down when he had finished with the attitude. My plan was to feed the other 2 and make him wait and then eat on his own.

Didn't go to plan as he came down crying saying his leg hurt again, he fell badly last week, so he stayed down and had his tea.

Just told him I didn't want to see him atm and he said Good."

If he came down crying for his leg then he was doing as you asked, his attitude HAD changed, just happened sooner than you thought.
Saying "good" is quite a normal response isn't it? If someone said that to me and I knew why I'd probably say the same. If you'd prefer him to be meeker change what you say e.g. I don't want to see you while I'm eating my tea/watching this programme (something of a timed length) so could you go into your room please? Only possible answer is to go or have a confrontation which it doesn't sound like he wants. Or he can mouth off on his way out, which doesn't really matter as he's still doing what you want - you can tell him he's cheeky later when you do want to see him.

I just feel he is crying out for attention and I feel crap he isn't getting it.

My 8/9 year old was behaving very badly this morning, shouting, rude to his brother and sister, telling me how horrible I was and how I always tried to make people do what I want not what they want. Felt a bit overwhelmed by it, just the sheer shoutiness defiance of his approach.

BUT, tried to not get upset, kept trying to re-inforce his good side, reminding him how good he is at lots of things, how pleased I am with the way he does x y z. I think it IS sinsecurity, not knowing how to be, that is manifesting itself. He feels a bit at sea, hates being bossed around, wants to be listened to but not smothered.
I do need to be less militaristic about things happening, ask him politely, keep reminding him how what the rules are, not just scream at him to DO THIS DO THAT all the time.
It's easy for us to think they KNOW, SEE how much we do for them sacrifice for them, when all they really notice is the tone of voice in which we speak to them.

sinsecurity = insecurity!