Help me deal with all the pestering and attempts at negotiation!

[clemette]

Evening all. DD has recently turned 4 and we have been banging heads ever since. If I say no to something she imemdiately starts trying to negotiate and pester me into changing my mind. I never do and I know it sounds a bit silly but she is doing my head in! She also spends most of each day badgering me about when she can have treats to eat or when we are going to do something we have planned (eg if we are going out in the afternoon, she spends the whole morning and lunchtime asking me when we are going).
She is a very bright, very articulate little girl but I am not handling the frustration of this stage very well.
Has anyone else faced it, and does anyone have any tips on how to deal with it? We have tried a rewards/sanctions approach but still end up arguing with each other which is just ridiculous!

I find that a straight "no" often leads to arguments! Can you offer a choice instead - you don't say exactly what it is she is trying to negotiate but for example if it is over food, say "you can't have a biscuit because it is nearly lunch but you can have a piece of fruit instead" or "no you can't wear that dress because it is your best one and we are off to the park but you can choose this one or that one instead" etc?

If she is bright, perhaps you need to get her to learn to tell the time so she can stop pestering you, even if it is just - when the little hand gets to 3 we will be going out etc. If you just keep saying "in a while" she will just keep pestering! If she can get more of a concept of when it will happen that might help? I also find that too much advance warning can be more trouble than it's worth! Good luck

Thank you. I suppose I was just nervous of getting into giving her alternatives because sometimes the answer is just no. For example today she wanted to go to the park but the only way we could fit it in was to have DS in the pushchair and DD on the buggy board. She wanted to go on her scooter - I said no and if I had given her a choice she would have then pushed for going on her bike! She had a meltdown about the scooter (which is new to us as she never had tantrums as a toddler!) I do worry though that we have become a bit entrenched so I will make a conscious effort to offer her an alternative.
As for the time - she can tell the time - she just seems to like asking over and over when something is happening/someone is coming...

My 4.5 year old is the same...not with treats or going out, but e.g. if I don't let him do something, let's say watch TV, he starts negotiating, and it is nerve-racking...I also try very hard not to get into a conversation about the matter. I explain in short (long explanations don't work, he looses track, and my efforts lose momentum) why I don't let him and then just don't react anymore to his attempts....this doesn't always work though...I mean he gets frustrated that I don't answer him and then we have a new problem.

My dd can be like this too. I know how wearing constant pestering can be but it sounds very encouraging to me that she is able to articulate a debate over things with you. Surely this is much better than her having meltdowns when she doesn't get what she wants?

I don't want her to articulate - I want her to take no for an answer ;) Oh well, I suppose those days have passed...

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