Recommendations please - 3 year old boy's behaviour - sorry long

[FouxDuFaFa]

This is my first post - hello .

I am a newly single mum with a 3.5 year old boy. I am currently finding his behaviour 'challenging', as they say.

I was looking at 'The Defiant Child' on Amazon, but then I saw there are loads: 'The Difficult/Manipulative/Explosive Child'. I don't really know whether my son is one of these.

He's very loving, very articulate, full of energy, eats well. He has occasional extreme tantrums with verbal ("Go away, Mummy", "You're not my best friend") and physical attacks, is stubborn and often gets grumpy for no obvious reason and I find it hard to help him out of the grumpiness.

Reward charts haven't worked, I tried time out, but he wouldn't stay there.

He goes to nursery three days a week, where they have recently set targets for him to 1) come in from garden play when asked and 2) sit in the group for a story. At the meeting, SEN was mentioned and despite reassurances from the staff, I'm worried that he's going to be 'labelled' SEN, or in fact have SEN.

Does anyone have book recommendations or general advice/ideas?

sounds like my DS - 2.9

DS says simialr things but he doesn't have the emotional understanding to reralise what he is saying

he also occasionally lashes out - often when he is tired and hungry

all in all - faily usual behaviour

do you have any other concerns about his behaviour?

You say you are newly single.............sorry to be straight to the point..........but do you think he has been affected by the break up?

I don't think the break up has affected him too badly - I haven't seen any change in behaviour, he's been like this since before we split.

I wasn't that concerned about his behaviour before the nursery meeting, I felt a bit upset really that they didn't reassure me - you know, just an indication that his behaviour is 'normal'.

Your child should not be labeled or have SEN without your consent, this would be bad nursery practice. It does sound like normal behaviour to me at 3.5! The grumpiness is best ignored and i know this is easier said than done.
I found since my 3.5 girl started preschool the "i'm not your best friend" is constant but i ignore it.
I'm afraid it sounds like this may be his personality but you must always let him know that to physically attack is not acceptable.

I have a ds dx ADHD. He is not medicated and we deal with his behaviour using diet and '1-2-3- Magic' by Thomas Phelan. It's basically a counting method. If they play up or are rude and you start to count. You need to warn them you are going to start doing it and the consequences are a minutes time out for every year of their life. Basically you count from 1 to 3 with about 10 seconds in between each number. Older kids can go to their room, but your lo should only go on a chair or step where you can see him. It sounds very simple, but it really does work. You have to stick to it and after a week I never had to count passed 2. I got the CD set to listen to in the car. It's a good idea to let the nursery know you are doing it.

Good Luck

Thanks for the reassurances that it's normal

I'd not heard of the Magic 1-2-3. I will have a look into that, thanks for the tip.

I am trying to concentrate on the hitting at the moment and I just say to him "We don't hit people, it hurts". It is only me he hits, not other kids, which is good in a way, I suppose.

My son is exactly the same - he's driving me mad at the moment. Ricochets between very articulate negotiation to really annoying whining and being physically helpless, with some angry shouting in between.

You have my sympathy

but mine seems to have improved magically since turning 4...