6yo lacks social skills

[Silvermoomin]

My 6yo dd has always been quiet and shy, although she does like the company of others. I have just asked her who she played with at lunchtime, and as usual she said 'no-one'. She claims to like playing by herself (I don't believe it) and says that she does ask people if she can play with them, but they always say no.

Her shyness is definitely an element, but I think its more than that. She somehow seems to lack the ability to be able to play with other children in a way that makes them really want to play with her. She's better one on one.

I was bullied at school, and so I tend to over-react to her shyness, which definitely doesn't help the situation.

I have spoken about it with the school, who were not unsympathetic, but I fear that if I go and speak to them again they'll just come up with a short-term fix, for example of sending her out into the playground with someone, which won't address the fundamental issue of her lack of social skills.

Any suggestions?

Is there any way you an encourage a good friendship with a like-minded friend?

Invite a kind gentle little girl - that she likes - round after school etc so they can look after each other in the playground.

Have you tried a drama club, as these are meant to help with shy children and really bring them out of themselves.

I found my DD who was really shy lost a lot of her shyness after joining a dance club, they performed in front of the school and since then she hasn't looked back - she is the first to want to stand up and speak/sing/dance in front of a crowd.

We've tried a bit of that. Playdates generally seem to go ok, but they don't seem to translate into on-going friendships in the playground. Also, my dd is pretty kind and gentle and I tend to find that most of the others that we invite are less so!

Its pretty hard to explain where it goes wrong. My other dd is different - still shyish but seems to pick up friends ok, but this one just seems to miss social cues, so even if someone does approach her to play or be friends she just doesn't seem to pick up on it. What she has picked up on is my anxiety about the whole thing, hence her 'I don't mind playing by myself' facade.

Yeah, drama club is an interesting idea that I've thought about, but not done anything about, although funnily enough she's actually not that shy about performing on stage in assembly etc. I was thinking maybe of brownies as this might force her into a bit of social interaction. Then again, it might be something she'd hate for that reason

silver, brownies has really helped my DD make friends - it might be worth a try. she found it really quite difficult to make friends too a couple of years ago but playdates really did seem to help, plus the simple passing of time matured her social skills a lot...plus a couple of outside school activities that she was naturally good at and which seemed to boost her confidence,eg karate. i am sure it will all right itself with time. good luck