How should I stop DD sucking her thumb?

[pumpkinsoup]

The teacher stopped me again today to ask me to reduce her thumb-sucking.

She is nearly 6yrs, and it is causing big problems at school - she puts her thumb in and just 'shuts-down'. I don't want to take away something that is important to her, but.... maybe it is time.

She was in tears when I asked whether she would like the nasty tasting nail varnish so she didn't get told off at school, she is allergic to nearly all plasters and I simply can't afford to use that many hypoallergenic ones. I wondered about rubbing garlic on her thumbs or something, but wouldn't that attract nasty 'you smell' type comments??

My ds1 is a thumb sucker too, though he still younger. We try and reason with him and say no thumb during the day only bedtime etc....., it works sometimes.

Also there is a plastic device you can apply on the thumb and the child cannot remove it. It works be breaking the vaccum seal in the sucking.....Apparently very effective.
I will try and find the link.

I hope it works out soon

Unless your DD responds to rewards for stopping her thumb-sucking, as opposed to the threats of foul-tasting nail polish, then I think your DDs teacher will have to lump it. And everyone will just have to wait for her to outgrow it. I can think of much worse habits.

Is she thumb-sucking in school because she's tired? If that's a possibility then could you try more down-time, less playdates/after school activities etc?

My DD is 7.5yr and still sucks her fingers constantly. I don't like it but have concluded that it's just a matter of time with her, I don't want to endlessly nag at her and make it a bigger deal than it is and I'm not comfortable using Stop N Grow etc. My 6yo son now only sucks his fingers at night, as does my 4yo DD. So hooray for them!

www.associatedcontent.com/article/1222470/thumbguard_helping_your_child_learn.html?cat=25

and

careers.modernmedicine.com/Community/DisplayAd.asp?id=436

I was a thumb sucker as a child and nothing but nothing would stop me. My parents tried the nail varnish thing and the draw to suck my thumb was greater than the dislike of the taste of the nail polish stuff!

I think that I would look at this from another point of view. Why does your daughter need to suck her thumb at school? Is it for security, she likes it, she is tired, she is coming down with something, she needs it to concentrate.....etc etc

I would talk with your daughter and talk with the teacher. But my concern would be that if you stopped her sucking her thumb she might adapt another behaviour instead!

Incidentally I did decide to stop sucking my thumb in my own time, no encouragement needed......

Sorry , im afraid you will have to copy and past them.

Im not sure how to link them directly

Poor her. I have an 8 year old thumb sucker and it's a hard habit to break.

TBH, as she is doing it in school time, I would question why she is being allowed to get away with it. Does the teacher just leave her to it and not get her to join in with writing, drawing, playing, building etc?

Ask the teacher if she has come across this situation before. Has she seen any strategies that have worked with other thumb suckers? She seems to think it is problem that can be solved?

My DD's thumb sucking is pretty constant, but she is also very engaged at school and while she does suck it there, it is not to the detriment of her activities.

She loves her thumb. I have tried sticker charts/sellotape (!) stop n grow. Nothing works. Because she loves and needs her thumb.

She will have to have serious orthodontic work as a teenager as her teeth are already sticking out - she knows this But still she sucks.

I was a fervent thumb sucker till the age of about 10. Nothing would dissuade me. But I grew out of it. I hope your DD will too.

You could try and gently remind her when you see her sucking. 'Thumb' you could say. While it won't make her stop, it might just jolt her out of the cycle for a while.

I think they have been trying rewards at school, but they only work if DD isn't tired and is happy. If anything I think they have made her more determined not to have her thumb 'taken-away' from her. I don't think I could bring myself to force the nail varnish on her - she would have to be willing to try it.

Like several of you say, I think it is often because she is tired. But she is almost always tired and after 6 months of no after-school activities there was no improvement, but her social confidence was plummeting, so she now has a limited amount on - two nights a week.

Thanks for the links Sleepy, it looks very interesting, but there aren't any pics - do you know what it looks like?

From what the teacher says she is constantly reminding, prompting etc but DD just stares dopily into the distance until everyone else is finished then panics and does all the work incredibly fast to catch up. I sometimes wonder if she is under challenged, but as almost the youngest in a yr1yr2 class that seems very unlikely.

That said I have noticed her do it at home a few times during homework for example before suddenly taking it out and stunning me with something ridiculously clever, so I wonder whether it might be her way of thinking hard. I think that might sound a bit far fetched to the teacher though.

The reminding might be a good idea.

I haven't seen what it looks like either. Maybe you could contact them and ask for a brochure or a picture. I will connsider doing it too, if my ds1 is still sucking his thumb by 4 years.

Let me know how it goes

Maybe bring some Braces home ( or take her to the dentist, and ask the dentist to explain the potential problems and what she would have to wear for years etc.....Just an idea

The thumg guard works well apparently.

My dd1 sucks two of her fingers and we went with a process of reining it back in, one room at a time (so, not in the playroom, not at music group etc.). We are sticking a bit on the car and getting to sleep, and she has 'lapse days' where we seem to go back to square one. I also go in after she is asleep and gently remove her fingers from her mouth.

It's easier to be firm about it if there is a negotiation first. It is very hard when they get such comfort from it.

DD2 at 9 months is starting to do the same thing ...

We also used the braces pics and they helped too.

My parents broke me by encouraging me to take up the recorder and then the French Horn; you can't play either properly when your teeth stick out!

I thought the jury was still out about whether thumb sucking actually affected their teeth....don't some people think it's an old wives tale?

The dentist told me DD 's teeth were getting pushed out (a little bit) from her thumb-sucking. Then looked at mine and mine stick out to the same degree (and I never sucked my thumb).

The thing that bothers me is the smell...the stale saliva smell on her hand which she then waves in my face, yuck.

not an old wives tale
but there is absolutely no way of knowing with each individual child whether it will or wont affect their bite/teeth

didn't do a thing to mine tbu I think it is to dd2, not stopping her though

My mother put mustard on my thumb when I was 7 as a last ditch attempt to stop me sucking it.
It worked.

I know two twenty odd year olds who have kids of thier own and still suck thier thumbs. It is one of the reasons why i am not pushing DD to get rid of her dummy. You never see twenty odd year olds sucking a dummy do you?

I do wonder at the time and effort people put into weaning their children off their comfort objects - muslins, dummies, thumbs and so on. I sometimes think that drawing attention to them like this is likely to make the child feel a bit anxious - and therefore more attached to their object. I agree that thumbs and dummies used a lot during the day in particular can cause problems with speech - but if it's at bed time - then anything which helps them get to sleep is fine in my book!

pumpkinsoup I am sure your DD will grow out of sucking her thumb.

I do despair at suggestions of thumb guards and so forth.

There is a reason she is sucking her thumb, and just because she appears to be staring off in the distance does not mean she is not listening.

The comfort your DD gets from her thumb should not be removed.Sometimes the more attention your draw to something the more attached people become.

It sounds like your DD is using her thumb as a 'transisitonal object' (Donald Winnicott)it is a source of comfort to her (some kids use a muslin, others a toy)and is a way of separating from you. For her it is more portable and easily available......

It seems everyone else aroundher is more bothered by this. She is still a young child. AS other posts have suggested she will grow out of it.

My DS is a thumb sucker (4.5). DH was a thumb sucker until his 20s! Think he still does now at night if he is stressed - so some habits really don't die, but they can perhaps be restricted to suitable times.

We started with plasters at school as a reminder (used the micropore tape).

We told him he could suck his thumb when he was in his pyjamas only, and if he managed to stop we would buy him a lego kit (desperate over lego).

Also told him that if he did suck his thumb outside the prescribed hours - he wouldn't have (insert treat of choice) !

This worked well, and he hasn't sucked his thumb during the main part of the day since.

Of course he still does in the evening and at night - but at least we have cracked the participation thing at school which was our main problem. With a thumb in they don't bother to answer questions etc!

Good luck.

I haven't read all of the responses but I was 10 before I stopped. At age 7 I had a teacher who HATED it - it really wound her up. I never told my parents what she said to me because I was afraid they'd be angry that I was sucking it (all the time!). They found out through another child anyway. The teacher frightened the living daylights out of me and made me more likely to need to suck my thumb. She used to make me sit on my hands at lunch time and call me a baby in front of the rest of the class. I remember being totally mortified and not being able to stop it because I needed the comfort!
The thing that helped in the end was that my parents supported me against the teacher. They asked her to leave me to it. She refused. My father then threatened her at a school dance and she left me alone.

I sucked my thumb for another 4 years but remember exactly what made me stop. My aunt said to my mum in my ear shot 'Shylily does not need to be bribed to stop sucking her thumb. She is very strong and knows what she needs. She will give up when she's ready.' I quit the next week.

DS was a dedicated finger sucker. I never offered him a dummy, and he started on the finger shortly after he stopped breast feeding at 2.

We tried all sorts of things to encourage him to stop. He even managed it for just over a week, just before he was 7. Proved he could do it, and then went back to the finger habit. We worried about the damage to his teeth, to his finger, and to his social skills. Class teachers were obviously frustrated by it, not least because of the zoning out effect the OP described.

But he needed the comfort and kept going until he was ready to stop, just before his 8th birthday. Whereupon his finger went back to normal in a matter of weeks. According to the dentist, it has if anything helped correct a slight under bite. The social damage took a little longer, but is getting there.

In retrospect, a dummy might have been a better option for a child who was quite so dedicated to oral gratification. At least you can throw it out.

Sorry for disappearing, the internet just refused to connect yesterday.

Thanks for all your suggestions, and advice. I think, like some of you say, she probably needs it to some extent, I know she isn't entirely happy at school. But I do need to find a way of reducing it, however I don't think I can force it on her - surely it has to be her decision. I think some sort of bribery reward system might possibly work if timed well, or the micropore tape.

We've had a conversation about it and she suddenly collapsed in sobs because she says she is going to end up with crooked teeth (says teacher). It turns out this has been a major worry for her, probably for some time . I can't help but wonder whether worrying about that is part of why she needs to suck her thumb so much. A vicious circle. Oooh I hate school sometimes...

Anyway I've told her not to worry about that, that she will probably need a brace to fix her teeth anyway (they are all jumbled up after an accident as a toddler).