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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can your 18 month old play by themselves?

16 replies

HensMum · 05/05/2009 10:26

Cos mine can't and it's driving me mad! He used to have quite bad separation anxiety when he'd cry as soon as I left the room. He grew out of that a few months ago but he's still not keen on being left alone.

He rarely plays by himself. If I need to make lunch or do something in the kitchen, he'll come with me and hang off my legs. I absolutely cannot sit on the sofa while he plays in the living room, I have to sit on the floor next to him or ideally, he has to sit on my lap.

Is it completely unreasonable to expect him to play with something or do some drawing by himself while I read the paper for 5 mins?! Not sure if I'm just expecting too much of him...

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nickytwotimes · 05/05/2009 10:29

My ds couldn't at all at that age.
Your ds sounds totally normal.
I understand your frustration though.

Trust me, in about a year it'll be much better.

SarfEast · 05/05/2009 11:08

18 months is a tricky age for the littlies they get more sensitive and aware of danger (mine is currently terrified of the hoover, I'm not that keen myself , oh and farm animals) so get more clingy. Mine is also teething which must be pretty painful too.
Hope it improves soon

Crackopenthebaileys · 05/05/2009 11:19

sarfeast, I had the same problem with my LO and I brought her the mini version of my hoover to play with. Problem gone!

Hens Mum, it sounds to me like you may need to be a little firmer with your ds. I'm sure that he will object entirely to you sitting on the sofa the first dozen or so times, but he will soon get the message. I would just say in a firm voice 'no, Mummy sit's on the sofa, I will play with you here'. My dd is 16 months, and is starting to grasp the stern voice, no smile approach.
It's not unreasonable that he wants your attention all the time. You are the centre of his world, and he loves playing with you and spending time with you. But I think it's impportant to show him that you are in charge from an early age, as it could spill over into other areas of your day iyswim. Hope that helps a little

Lizzylou · 05/05/2009 11:22

DS1, no not at all, constantly had to amuse him/play with him/provide him with playmates.

DS2, yep, he always has done. He plays with anything, even his meals ("Hello peas, hello carrots, are you my friends? lets go to the zoo....").

DS2 has actually taught DS1 how to play independently iyswim, they are now 5 and 3. Which has been a relief

Crackopenthebaileys · 05/05/2009 11:27

Sorry, I didn't answer your question in my post

dd, 16 months, would play by herself morning til night if I let her! However, personality must play a huge part in it?

Original poster

HensMum · 05/05/2009 11:28

crackopenthebaileys, I think you've hit the nail on the head with the comment about letting him know who's in charge. I love playing with him but sometimes I think he's calling all the shots. He grabs my hand, says "come" and I just have to go!

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Crackopenthebaileys · 05/05/2009 11:34

It's so easy to get to that stage. And the longer he feels in charge, the more he will want to be in charge of. God I sound really harsh, but I hope you can see what I mean. Firm boundaries are just so important.

How is he when you are out and about... playgroups, visiting friend etc?

Original poster

HensMum · 05/05/2009 11:43

He's in nursery 3 days a week so he gets lots of company there.

It's funny, if someone comes round to visit us, he'll happily play by himself while we chat, which leads to comments of "oh he's good at playing by himself, isn't he?" but when it's just us at home, he won't.

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Crackopenthebaileys · 05/05/2009 11:53

He could just know that you aren't going to play then, because you are talking. Could you maybe have been a little firmer with him about not playing when you have had company before?
Bless him, he clearlt loves your company, you must be a very good friend

I reckon that if you want to crack this, you're going to have a tough couple of weeks. You know what to do. And you will both be happier at the end of it!

Good luck!!

Oh, and just an idea. What about getting him one of those play food sets that you can chop, make sandwiches etc. Could he play with that on the kitche floor when you need to cook/make lunch. If he only plays with it at those times it should keep him fairly busy. And a basket with 'washing' in for him when you are doing yours?

bubblagirl · 05/05/2009 11:58

playing alone comes with understanding at that age there understanding isnt there

i used to sit on floor start a game his fave was a bowl of water with cups in and id move away to sofa and he would happily sit with that but nothing else

Original poster

HensMum · 05/05/2009 12:05

You're right, crackopenthebaileys. I just feel guilty as I work 4 days a week so feel like I have to (and want to) spend lots of time playing with him when I'm not at work. But yesterday afternoon, he'd had my full attention for 3.5 whole days, including that morning at a farm and all I wanted to do was have a quiet 5 mins sitting on the sofa before the whole tea/bath/bed thing and I get dragged onto the floor to be used as a cushion while he draws! Arrgh! But yes, I could probably be a bit tougher with him.

I'll try that play food thing. It's a good idea to leave it in the kitchen so hopefully the novelty won't wear off too quickly...

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Crackopenthebaileys · 05/05/2009 12:31

lol, he's wasn't even interracting with you, just wanted to lean on you

best of luck, let me know how you get on!

annoyingdevil · 05/05/2009 13:08

Yes, both mine did, but then I've never really spent huge amounts of time playing with them, so they learnt not to expect it.

Oopps, bad mother alert but that's one of the reasons I had two close together so they could play with each other.

woodstock3 · 05/05/2009 15:52

not at 18 months but very soon afterwards - just grit your teeth and hang on for a couple of months! he's nearly 2 now and for the last three months or so he has been happy to play on his own (not long but long enough to read the paper for five minutes). it comes gradually. probably if you are firmer about it it comes a bit sooner but like you i work ft and felt guilty about not being fully engaegd when i was at home (which he no doubt picked up on - notice he expects a lot less from dh when dh plays with him)

Kentishwoman · 08/05/2009 08:36

Might sound like a silly question, but does he have interesting enough toys to play with? I only ask because my DS (19 months) used to play quite happily on his own, but recently he's been much more demanding (but still fine when we're out somewhere else). Then I realised that he's basically grown out of his toys. I bought him a farm with animals yesterday, and as I speak he's been merrily playing alone on the floor for the last half hour while I mess about on MN . Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating showering children with toys - if anything, we've always taken the opposite approach - but I think you can go too far the other way. So maybe try getting a fun new toy and seeing if that makes a difference?

chuckeyegg · 08/05/2009 10:07

You could join your local toy library if you have one near you and have a different toy every week.

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