Family Therapy. Has anybody ever had any? Was it helpful?

[coffeeandcakeplease]

We are a family of four who seem to spend most of our time being cross and grumpy with each other. I know we can't be happy and loving all the time but this feel extreme. There just seems to be constant tension around and now I feel like it is beginning to rub of on the children;especially my oldest DS who is 5. I've been thinking that maybe family therapy might help. Has anyone had any experience of it?

Very positive of you to want to do something about it!

That's a good step in itself.

Haven't had family therapy but we there have been times we've felt like you.

We sat down and wrote out a list of problem issues and looked out ways to deal with them.

Tried saying to each other 'I hear what you're saying' instead of dismissing it out of hand.

Divided up putting dc to bed, 1 night on next night off.

Divided up household chores, dc involved, instigated star chart with rewards of family days out.

Things much better now than 5 years ago!

Good luck.

we are considering also, to deal with sibling issues and various other things

we've tried a few things like family meetings and so on without therapy. But sometimes I think an outside person could be helpful -- I just feel like white noise in the house, whether I'm saying positive OR negative things.

Yes (with my parents and siblings as a child). Was it helpful - no - but this was due to my father's complete unwillingness to engage with the process. In principle I'm sure it can be useful but I do think that the adults involved both/all admit that there are issues to sort out and are open to this approach.

We had one session when my dd was 4. She has verbal dyspraxia, limited speech and I had all sorts of behavioural issues. My dh and I just went along and we had to talk about how we all operated as a family, what we did, how we did it, when we did it etc

It was very helpful to be outside of the box and analyse your lifestyle. We always knew we would have to change our behaviour to change hers and luckily it only took one session to make us stop and think about what we could be doing differently.

She was a different child within a short space of time and we didn't go back. We were warned of backlashes which is ongoing at the moment but I feel better equipped to cope with it. Try it you have nothing to lose!!

We had it when I was a child. It was ridiculous and we hated our family therapist but, looking back, my mum said at one point that perhaps that was her tactic, because actually we all united against her and felt much happier with each other. Dysfunctional but at least we were dysfunctional together

Thank you all for your messages. I kind of think there is nothing to lose. The tricky bit is persuading my DH! We will see......

stuffitllllama. I meant to say I'd be really interested to hear what happens and if you do decide to go. I think you're right about having an outsider who can help everyone think so that you don't feel like you're doing it all and talking to a house of brick walls so to speak! Good luck.